President Obama went on a "surprise" walk today to a Starbucks near the White House, where he ordered "just some tea," even though it was 80 degrees in D.C. As he began strolling down Pennsylvania Avenue, he joked with the horde of reporters trailing him, "The bear is loose!"

Not to alarm you, at all, but in the near future our globe will be a hive of warring city-states in which armies driven mad by thirst slaughter one another over the final trickles of our parched world's last dying streams. That's what the government thinks, at least. Are you ready? You better get ready, my friends.