Racist earthenware clay pot Donald Trump told an audience Monday he’d make a better president than sweaty Marco Rubio because Rubio “looks like he just came out of a swimming pool.”

What’s a thirsty millionaire to do when he’s fiending for a Campari and there’s nary a bar in sight? Ignoring the fact that this happened in Georgetown, a college town literally lined with bars, the answer for one PR exec was apparently clear: break into a fancy restaurant and steal $100 worth of shitty booze.