Gawker: This is England

BBC Host Says: Death To The Rude

Hamilton Nolan — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 12:12:24 EDT

Ah England, home to both world-class soccer hooliganism and a world-class reputation for stuffiness. What we're implying is that any outwardly polite Brit is, at any given moment, seething with murderous rage. Well! It seems that a BBC radio interview this morning took a turn for the wacky when the interviewee's cell phone went off, live on air! Which caused the host, John Humphrys, to threaten to take the man out back and shoot him dead. Funny Brits! Click to listen to the tape. Gunshot not included.

Drunken Brits Have Their Own Beat Reporter

Hamilton Nolan — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 12:22:33 EDT

Ha ha, the New York Times ran a story about how all Brits are drunken louts and when they go on vacations to Greece they fight and vomit and drink and cuss and cross-dress so much that Crete is like, wanting to ban British citizens altogether. Ha, unruly people. But for Times reporter Sarah Lyall, all this drunken madness coverage is familiar territory. We must ask, in all seriousness: has Sarah Lyall spent her entire career on the "Drunk-ass English people" beat? Look at this:

NYT stories by Sarah Lyall, a selection:

6/2/06
"It's Springtime for Soccer, And For Rowdy England Fans"

1/11/06
"Ever Since Falstaff, Getting Sloshed Is Cricket"

7/22/04
"British Worry That Drinking Has Gotten Out of Hand"

9/2/02
"What is it About British Men? Cheap, Drunk, and Stiff-Lipped."

5/1/00
"Later Pub Hours? Europe Tells Britain It's Time."

There's more!

Virtual Knives Banned; Real Knives, Not Yet

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 11:54:01 EDT

The British knife crime epidemic has gone virtual! Are your kids safe when they go online—safe from knives? No! Not while Facebook was condoning the existence of a "SuperPoke" application that allowed thuggish social networkers to "Shank" their friends. Thank god the UK tabloids have hollered enough to ensure that none of our children will be virtually shanked again!

The Sun is outraged. In London there have been 21 teen knife murders this year! That's the average total from a single LA house party gone wrong, but no matter. The manufacturer of SuperPoke, Slide, has pulled the application, and these digital knife-pokings have been stopped. Should everyone now go to jail?

Members could use the blade icon to deliver the “attack” to any friend or stranger who has a profile. The victim then received a chilling message saying they had been “shanked”. The SuperPoke! system is a favourite among teens, with more than a BILLION virtual actions sent – including kisses, hugs and slaps.

A Scotland Yard spokesman said no offence was committed when users sent the “shank” message.

Next up for The Sun: ridding the world of sharp, pointed objects.

[Sun UK]

Brits Win Scandal Title With 'Mr. Gay UK' As Flesh-Eating Psycho Killer

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 02 May 2008 11:32:27 EDT

Once again, American scandals hang their heads in shame. News comes from jolly old England that a former "Mr. Gay UK" has been arrested for murdering an ad executive from a gay magazine, and then eating some of him [Telegraph via Queerty]. Don't get any untoward ideas, though; they were just "friends." The killer also had some flesh from the man's right leg diced up, cooked, and ready to season when the cops came in. That does seem incriminating. Eat your heart out, Jeffrey Dahmer—you never won any pageants at all. A full beefcake photo (pretty much NSFW) of the award-garnering cannibal, Anthony Morley, from the time of his glorious 1993 title win, is after the jump:

[via Mr. Gay UK]