http://cache.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/gawker.com.png http://gawker.com/tag/this is never going to stop http://gawker.com/tag/this is never going to stop So obviously The Hills is premiering tonight. And, really, it's the biggest thing since the moon landing. Or since they stormed the beaches at Normandy. Or it's simply the biggest thing that will happen to you tonight, on the Music Television network at 10pm (9pm Central, I'm guessing.) No matter how you think of it, The Hills is everywhere. There has been so much coverage on the show lately that it might help, as we hurtle toward the inexorable hour, to have a little recap of the past few days' worth of PR-firm created and controlled scandal, rumor, and allegation. Such a digest exists for you after the jump.

• Show star Lauren Conrad who sells "tchotchkes, trinkets, and trash", got angry on the cover of Us magazine, saying that she'd been betrayed by friends and lovers.
• Audrina Patridge, one of the betraying friends, had old nude photos surface. They were taken when she was young and trusting, said the 22-year-old.
• Lauren Conrad accused the show's crew of stealing the cast members' souls with their magical cameras. Or their stares. Or something.
• Lauren renounced the Us cover story, saying "I do not feel betrayed by Audrina or Brody" on her blog. But, of course, she later recanted and said she's not mad at Us magazine (teacher, mother, secret lover) for running the article.
• It's revealed that Lauren called Brody "scum" in French during the premiere episode. Also revealed: Staffers at Us have a French-to-English dictionary.
• Evil couple Heidi and Spencer kidnapped a child and made it forage for food.
• Gina Bellafante at the New York Times compared Heidi Montag to Gloria Allred and said that Whitney was "the best approximation of a Shakespearean mute that reality TV has ever produced." Radar balked. (Get it??)
• Gen. David Petraeus said he has evidence that Iran was behind the Easter attack on Baghdad's Green Zone.
• A new lame love interest for Audrina was cast. The info was leaked.

That's about it. If you still have no idea what I'm talking about, click here. Or, you know, call up a friend and go for a walk together. It's lovely outside. ]]> Gawker-371574 Mon, 24 Mar 2008 16:22:28 EDT Richard http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=371574&view=rss&microfeed=true