Last week, mustache-stroking corporatist sloganeer Thomas Friedman used his immensely valuable column space in the New York Times to write a love letter to a company run by his daughter's college roommate. Could Thomas Friedman possibly top that for sheer laziness and nepotistic indulgence? But of course.

Seeking a job? Who better to turn to for advice than mustachioed simpleton Thomas Friedman, reliable font of platitudinous excreta? Why, Thomas Friedman knows just who to talk to about this...

New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman, a mustachioed humanoid robot with a limited vocabulary, was programmed by his creators to do whatever it takes to get his simple, cartoonish message across, even if that means repeating that message over and over and over without end in the nation's premier news outlet until…

Imagine what it must be like to be the editor of globalism's Rain Man, Thomas Friedman. Your job, ostensibly, is to hammer this man's prose into some semblance of logical readability, and yet he has built a fabulously lucrative career on his total lack of logic, readability, or, really, variety of any kind. Clearly,…

Goodbye, Tampa. I'm leaving you. When I think back on our time together, I will always remember the immortal words of ODB:

At times, as circumstances dictate, we will cover the 2012 Republican National Convention in the style of noted New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman. The following reporting is 100% real:

At times, as circumstances dictate, we will cover the 2012 Republican National Convention in the style of noted New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman. The following reporting is 100% real:

I will now cover the 2012 Republican National Convention in the style of noted New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman. The following reporting is 100% real.

Fabulously wealthy CEO whisperer and newspaper columnist Thomas Friedman is little more than a human-shaped random word generator programmed with the "Computers and Internet" section of a fourth-grade vocabulary textbook and fitted with a mustache. He writes one single column, sometimes using different proper nouns or…

Mustachioed aspic Tom Friedman has written a thousand words in today's New York Times about Paul Simon. The point of the column seems to be, basically, that there's a new documentary about Simon's album Graceland, and also Paul Simon is Tom Friedman's friend.

We enjoy pointing out to the world that mustachioed simpleton New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman is, for the most part, a shockingly dull one-trick pony. Those searching for a more thorough and academic destruction of Friedman's career and philosophy would enjoy Belen Fernandez's "The Imperial Messenger," (part…

Hirsute-lipped Sesame Street character Thomas Friedman, America's most respected newspaper columnist, does not "have it easy," just because he lives in a sprawling mansion and holds a job that consists of rewriting the same exact column over and over again every week, merely substituting different—but equally…

Golf-playing platitude generator Thomas Friedman has a grasp on the English language that would probably be described, by Thomas Friedman, as "a big tree in the forest swinging in the wind," because Thomas Friedman is just a god damn nonsensical shame, as a writer.

Mustachioed soothsaying simpleton Thomas Friedman long ago mastered a formula for justifying business trips all over the world by writing columns about them—columns that, while not genuinely insightful or even pleasant to read, contain a sufficient number of plausible-sounding platitudes to enable your average Xerox…

The title of bumbling self-parody Tom Friedman's column today is "There's Something Happening Here," which is a little misleading. Yes, there is something happening; of that, Tom Friedman is certain. But if you came looking for what is happening, you'll be disappointed.

Half a year has passed since we pointed out the obvious: the New York Times has a columnist problem. (The columnists are bad, is the problem). The paper's made major editorial changes in the intervening six months. So has the columnist problem been solved? Not a bit.