Says Tionna, pictured with Ed, below: "Ed and I definitely know each other. That picture is from his amazing Christmas party he had in NYC. I think you should definitely feature this on Gawker. Everyone is looking for a roommate and he would be a fabulous one especially because he is a talented musician. He is definitely fabulous."


Cool! In case you are also looking for a new place, here are the things Ed likes to read: "Let's have a look at some of my books and DVDs now (you'll notice that I'm an Amy Sedaris fan; hopefully that means that we have a similar sense of humor.)" Also (not pictured): "Here are some bloops about my show and CDs and a snapshot of a column I wrote once upon a time for a Swiss newspaper."

Won't somebody help him out? He has references!

[Craigslist]

"Even with all the jealousy Nick Denton has for me, I would do it all again," she says. The video's at pop17.com [via The Fake Nick Denton]. But, seriously? Who is that tiny blonde girl? She's just darling!

Michael Hirschorn left VH1 to form his own production company. He calls it "Ish Entertainment." Radar columnist Tionna Smalls lists "Talk Dat Ish Entertainment" on her Facebook page. Also she says she had "been in talks with Hirschorn over potential development deals" (!!!). Michael Hirschorn writes on Tionna's Facebook wall. Why does he do this? We're not sure. Nick Denton is also somehow complicit in all of this, as he is in all nefarious internet deeds. Our silence spoke volumes! Also then Julia Allison showed up! Whee! To sum up: Michael Hirschorn is engaged in some major Facebook drama and also Ish Entertainment will soon present "The Cleavage Hour With Tionna and Julia" weeknights on CMT. [SLCOutsider]

Now if you disagree, let me defend my first assumption by saying my editor told me to write this. And let's get the first example of self-exposure out of the way: All the Gawker Media writers. We've had that idea shoved down our brains, we all know bloggers love themselves. But beyond that, the world outside the NYC creative elite is full of self-exposers.

Take, for example, Tila Tequila. On her own, a freak of nature who landed her own MTV reality show because she's "MySpace famous" and she's the simulacrum of sex. But Tila (whose career actually started when she posed for Playboy) is just a prettier version of an entire generation of trailer trash putting their entire lives online. Again, I thought this was blisteringly obvious, but people's horror at a little self-exposure suggests otherwise.

People in the sticks have been gushing about their personal lives online for years. Myspace is made of normal people being attention whores. Random examples I just dug up: this kid, this kid, and these twelve pages of freaks mocked by the site Something Awful.

YouTube is worse. (Again, Something Awful sums it up.) The site churns through attention-whoring and personal self-exposure like a pig through gristle, destroying people's lives until they realize, hey, everyone will forget about this next week, might as well sell the clip to Geico before I drift into oblivion.

You know all the above; you might not have seen the smaller but thriving world of live streaming video on Stickam. And Justin.tv and Ustream and BlogTV and Operator11, where teens and the occasional desperate adult talk about their lives as they happen, making for the most thrillingly dull footage known to man, as well as a reliable wanksource.

Compared to all the above, Julia Allison with her relationship weblog is a princess of privacy. Jakob Lodwick is just another opinionated blogger who happens to be the ousted founder of a startup. (Oh wow! He's a libertarian! So are half the young middle-class males online!) Patrick Moberg and his "NY Girl of My Dreams" is just a glorified Craigslist Missed Connection, with a twist appealing to a morning show.

To pretend this young New York crowd are the most egregious fame-seekers is to ignore the rest of the country. None of their fameballs have rolled as big as Tila Tequila, and not even Moberg stayed in the public eye as long as Justin Kan (of Justin.tv) in San Francisco, Chris "Leave Britney Alone" Crocker in Tennessee, "Chocolate Rain" singer Tay Zonday in Minneapolis, or Miss Teen South Carolina.

By the way, it's not all vomitous; if it weren't for the free-for-all of the Internet, no one would have heard the advice of Ms. Tionna Smalls. Tay Zonday is, well, kind of a good singer. Andy Samberg might some day make a movie as good as his early online work at The Lonely Island. And that's why fameballs are the future.

Dear Tionna,

I am dealing with some ish that I really need your advice on. A couple weeks ago, I met this incredibly perfect guy: hot, funny, sweet, etc. He turned out to be a big pothead and loser and I thought he was even kind of with this other chick, so we broke up. As it turns out, he WAS with this other girl (but I knew he had broken up with her, too). So one night at our college bar I went up to her, thinking we could bond, and was like "Hey, we dated the same guy! Let's totally be friends!" I did it because I thought "We're both
girls and should stick together against all the assholes of the world."

I was so wrong. This girl started flipping out. She had no idea we both dated this guy at the same time. I feel badly that I made her upset, but since then she's been harassing me on campus and even hit me and threw a drink down my white dress at a party. This entire time I have always ignored her and never retaliated, but that night was so bad I decided to press charges against her through my school. The people at the university I've talked to suggested I get a restraining order against her, too. While this is being dragged through my university's judicial system, I'm having a really hard time moving on. I think about what this girl did to me all the time, and since our school is very small, I see her pretty often and am so afraid she's going to try to hurt me again. Tionna, how do I get over this?

XOXO,
It's a Good Thing That White Dress Was Cheap

This is a definite hell-to-the-naw moment.

Most of the letters we receive here at Gawker are matters of the heart or the catbag, but this one is different. I am going to totally help you out with this one because this letter has too much ish going on. It's kind of funny to me that almost every guy we talk about on here turns out to be a pothead. Damn, what's up with that? Are you ladies turning these guys to drugs with your insecurities and emotions? (Um, I wonder).

First of all, you should have never came up to that chick. Your intentions were good but your approach was all wrong. Who wants to hear, "Hey we dated the same guy." She was probably thinking like bitch, I don't know you and you're coming to my face with this bullcrap. This was wrong also because for all you know, she could have thought that you were the girl he was cheating on her with, you understand? You didn't even watch how she moved, you just went in thinking she was all down with pink power (sisterhood). Oh please, girlfriend, that wasn't smart at all.

Another thing is, you don't know the circumstances of their relationship. He could have hurt her feelings badly and here you go out of nowhere, throwing salt on an open wound. So she may have took her pain out on you (though I am not defending what she did to you).

So now that is established, let's get down what my real problem is with: You. This chick gets mad because you approached her and she goes and starts harassing you, hitting you and throwing a drink down your dress. Oh hells no... First of all, Tionna Smalls is not an advocate for violence but you should have whipped her ass first and asked questions later. There is no way in hell you let someone put their damn hands on you and you don't defend yourself. That bitch ain't that crazy, she's human, she bleeds just like your ass. Ooh, I don't like this skank. What you should have done was made a report against her when she first started harassing you so that you would have been protected against any charges once you would have beat the life out of this trick. She has no right at all to be violent towards you.

Damn girl, you sound like you are way too nice. I think it's definitely time for you to become a member of the smack-a ho tribe. Foreal.

I know you may not be an aggressive person but hey, we all have a little fighter in us and I know you may be scared but f-that. Think of what Rocky said in "Rocky 4" when he had to go fight Ivan Drago in Russia right after Drago killed Apollo. Adrian said, "You Can't Win."

And do you remember Rocky's reply? Well I do, here it goes: "Maybe I can't win, maybe the only thing I could do is just take everything he's got. But to beat me, he's going to have to kill me. And to do that, he has to be willing to die himself. I don't think he is ready to do that." Wowzers. That quote is just motivation to my soul. Seriously, take that Rocky quote and make it your own and your fear would go away regarding this chick. Believe me!

You can't go backwards, so beating her ass now may not be an option, but remember that a bully doesn't go away until you pluck them. Right now this female is probably scared to bother you because of the pending charges. But if she ever act crazy again, take all your strength, all your might, and knock her ass out. It's sad but sometimes you have to take justice in your own hands. I think after that, she will get the picture but ignore as much as possible.

BTW, I don't care how cheap the dress was. Her behavior was unacceptable and it better not happen again or we will have to make a trip down there, lol.

Love ya,

Tionna Smalls.

And for all of you lovers, check out www.blogtalkradio.com/talkdatish for our radio show at 6 p.m. Tonight is dedicated to my Gawker readers. The topic: Dating in 2007: Are We All Doomed? Listen live and call in. Our number is (347) 215-7763. We will be discussing the real deal on dating, the trials and the tribulations. Don't miss it!

Dear Tionna,

Bitter in Boerum Hill

Dear Bitter,

I definitely exist. You can check out my Myspace page to verify that.

First and foremost, I have been there. I was with a guy for six years who I broke my vaginity with and he doesn't even talks to me now. So you know that is crazy. First off, you said the main problem, he is a pot head. He is not on your level, what so ever. Believe me, you can do better. Men that knows that they are not on your level will do anything to bring you down. I will send you the unedited version of my
book, "Girl, Get Your Mind Right!" so that you can understand what mind wreckers aka mind fuckers do. Being with someone six years definitely has a toll on your soul and your heart is going to need a lot of strength to heal but it's like what Beyonce said in her song, "Me, Myself, and I," you've hurt me but I learned a lot along the way. You know what I am saying?

You are going to feel fear, you are going to feel denial, and you may blame yourself but remember, never blame yourself. You are a good woman, with a good job, and I assume that you have no children. We need to go out and find you someone new. Just not right now, you need time to be by yourself. Seriously. Being by yourself will give you time to GROW. Being alone is great for self improvement.

This is the time to ask yourself what went wrong? And what can you do better for the next suitor that comes along?

I hope my response didn't have too many grammatical biscuits. Remember I am always here, I am the hood Psychologist... LMAO.

Love,

Tionna Tee Smalls

Mind not right? Need advice? Ask Tionna!