He asked the wretched pair over and over again if they were "proud" of their behavior on the show—which involved slapping bottles out of Frangela's hands, claiming that they were tortured by NBC, and being baptized by Stephen Baldwin. Spencer just smirked and acted the cocky fool he always does while Roker barraged him with thinly-veiled insults and the flesh-bearded reality star eventually got lost in a thicket of his own doublespeak. Meanwhile Heidi just seemed meek and silly and as lost as she always does. Trenchant, hard-hitting stuff, Roker. Really good (maybe sexist?) stuff.

Next up is Willard Scott, who will totally nail a duck in the park with a question about Iran-Contra before hurling a jar of Smuckers at it and running away.

Because the internet really likes her cans. Embarrassed, poor Hoda tried to cover her busty display with her hands and a vase of flowers, but it won't help. Now that Kathie Lee has gotten wind of some weakness or self-consciousness in her Egyptian enemy, she'll exploit it and needle at it until Hoda flees the scene and the show is Kathie's... Allll Kathie's. The beginning of the end is here, Hodes. Prepare for more boob jokes.

There is an implication of nudiness in the trailer, but it seems to be only suggested or deftly covered-up. Lauer even cops to the fact that there's an obscuring washcloth involved. (This IMDB thread seems to confirm it's only partial.)

So why is Matt all tittery? Either he's just having an early morning chuckle because it's a rainy Tuesday and why the hell not, or Matt Lauer is very easily aroused. The mere suggestion of Bullock bits gets him red-faced and awkward. Has a longstanding celeb crush just been revealed?

Matt Lauer, after having a sorta belligerent interview with lady blogger Perez Hilton, the Miss USA judge who asked her about the gay marriage, basically held Ms. Prejean's hand and kissed her and told her she was good and special and that her pretty beliefs were attacked and it's just not fair. Because, you know, people are claiming that she didn't win the crown because she wasn't properly 'politically correct' when answering the gay marriage question ("Should more states allow gay marriage?" "I only believe in opposite marriage. No offense.")

Ms. Prejean batted her eyelashes and smiled her brave smile and said "It's not about being politically correct, it's about being biblically correct." Which, you know, is that kind of terrific specious reasoning that has let religious windbags turn the halo of persecution upon themselves. So good work everyone!

Matt Lauer asked the raging Aussie if he shaped his character in State of Play based on his feelings about reporters. Crowe said not really, because if he had it would have been a far meaner caricature: one-eyed, limping spandex-wearers. His real problem is that sometimes reporters ask really dumb questions, but then get upset when they get a dumb answer. And he's right!

Why, just look at this disastrous snippet from an Robert Downey Jr.'s junket for The Soloist (hey Seth!), in which a reporter asked the actor what his character in Tropic Thunder would think about Jamie Foxx's character in The Soloist.

Um, what? Someone throw a hotel phone at that guy.

Basically he told a little story about his days as a model. One day someone suggested that he go into porn. Giddy with delight, Meredith Vieira said "so you were thisclose to a career in pornography." Barker laughed and said "well, more like this___close." Oh Meredith, you minx.

So there may be an alternate, Sliders-esque dimension somewhere where instead of helping people play Plinko, Barker was doing the, uh, plinking himself. On camera. But in this world, it never happened. Rod Roddy, though? He has a name that sounds like he dabbled in some extreme hardcore pornography in the early/late 80's.

Up top, a slurring (drunk on a Friday morn?) Kelly Ripa tries to tell guest host Nick Lachey a story about her kids not knowing where Cairo is, only to discover that he has no idea where it is either.

Bob Saget will never miss an opportunity to remind us that he's a really dirty, filthy guy!

And Fred Armisen braves The View ladies, doing his Behar shtick from SNL.

Everyone from Brian Williams to the unfrozen caveman Smuckers salesman Willard Scott made jokes about Lauer, who swerved to avoid a deer while pedaling in Long Island and was thrown from his bike, separating his shoulder. So essentially he was playing chicken with a deer and lost. You're right to make fun of him, NBC news staff. Carry on.

Thanks video intern Whitney Jefferson for the clip.

Yeah, Kathie was talking about bathroom lights or one of the other fascinating topics these two gypsies are always yammering on about, and she mentioned that in the nighttime she's nude. Awoken from her "it's come to this..." stupor by the sound of genitals turning to dust and blowing away on an East wind, cohost Hoda said "Whaaatt???" Kathie was indignant and weird as always, while Hoda did an informal census of the crew to see who slept naked. Many people did. But especially Kathie.

But don't worry. If you're planning on breaking into her house and stealing her jewels as I am, she always has some kind of cover up on hand just in case. So, you know. You won't have to spend any of your loot money on an urn to hold your genital dust.

The boys made blue balls jokes and gently, playfully ribbed each other. Ever the hawk-eyed observer, weatherman Al Roker picked up on the tension, all the way from Miami Beach. So he called the scene in New York "a Whitman's Sampler of man candy" and then had the studio play "It's Raining Men."

Just a reminder: The Today show is on for four hours every morning and is the most popular show of its kind.