Martha Stewart Talks Dirty About Herself on Whatever, Martha!
On last night's Whatever, Martha!, Martha Stewart got all hot and bothered watching Bryant Gumbel and herself prepare a turkey. Watching Martha watch Martha seems insanely meta, but how else would you find out she gets off on spice rubs?

Neil Patrick Harris Makes Frosty the Snowman a Misogynist
Frosty the Snowman was at one point just a snowman. An object, doomed to melt from inevitable warmth. When a magical hat is placed atop Frosty's head, he not only becomes animated, but he must warm his chilled loins.

What Exactly is the Celebrity Ghost Story Here?
It seems that this show, more than telling scary stories, is an excuse to have mid-level celebrities telling awkward tales about themselves. Last night it was Justine Bateman's turn.

Swearing Miley Cyrus Doll Is a Terrifying Harbinger of Our Children's Future
Everything in this bourgeoise white-trash mother's life is going so well that she must search high and low for things to outrage her. WAIT! Did her daughter's Miley Cyrus doll just swear? Sure, that'll do. Local news, activate!

Kermit is a Giant Slut on the Today Show
The Muppets have always been a beacon for clean, good humor. That's usually after they've had their morning coffee. Because they were certainly not for kids on The Today Show this morning.

Her husband's infidelity! The Tiger Woods' affair story is the hot issue of the day, but, according to The B Plot, which is written by a former TV guy and publicist in New Jersey, Kathie Lee is adamant that she won't talk about the scandal from a "personal point of view." When producers ask she apparently said, quite loudly, "Absolutely not will I rehash any of that horrible history in my life." So let's get this straight, disclosures of nudity, making out with co-host Hoda Kotb, and dressing up as C-3PO, are all OK, but talking about her husband doing it with a flight attendant more than a decade ago is beyond the pale?

The two stories a perfect parallel, both Woods and Katie Lee's husband Frank Gifford are sports figures, both fooled around while on the road, both stayed with their wives (so far). Kathie Lee could give us the perspective of what Elin Nordegren must be feeling right now, since she has kept silent ever since—well, smashing the windows out of her cheating husband's car. That's a pretty big statement, but come on, Kathie Lee, give her a voice. Gifford seems like the type who will do anything for fame and isn't afraid to look stupid in front of the camera. How is this going too far?

[Image via Getty]

She's Not the Bad Guy: Erin Kaplan Clears Her Name
by Betsey Morgenstern
PRWeek.com

Have you heard of Elle magazine? Well, of course you have since it's been a knockout on the newstands for years as well as the main prize for winners of America's Next Top Model and Project Runway (before the magazine was kicked to the curb for Seventeen and Marie Claire). Still, the reason it was there in the first place is due to Erin Kaplan, the young PR maven who has taken the magazine world by storm by turning the magazine brand into something that even Anna Wintour must respect.

But with the increased publicity for the publication comes an increased profile for Kaplan, who some think is only a tan and a set of SUV keys away from being the next Lizzie Grubman.

"Really, I'm not that bad," Erin told me during a recent interview outside of Magnolia bakery, where we indulged in sweet treats and threw pebbles at tourists. "It's just that everyone who I work with really sucks. Especially Olivia Palermo. Make sure you get that right, it's P-A-L-E-R-M-O. And yes, I said she sucks. I hate her. I almost quit my job because of her."

The feud between the socialite and the PR star become noticeably public when they were heard bitching at each other in the background of a recent Today show segment.

"I knew something was amiss when I got all the looks together to go to the studio and there was nothing that Olivia and I had pulled the week before," said an Elle magazine intern named Bryn who asked her last name not be used because she does not talk to fake reporters. "Erin told me that she went and redid all the looks. She really has it out for Olivia. I just don't want to get fired. But, yeah, I'm totally scared of Erin."

And that is with good reason. Not only is she in charge of getting the magazine's name out there, but also, apparently, in overseeing the duties of junior editors, a very different responsibility for someone who specializes in communications.

"Look, I'm not a fashion editor and I never claim to be," Kaplan said after her third vanilla cake with chocolate frosting. "But Olivia Palermo is so bad at her job that I had to step in and do something or else my segment would be ruined and Elle would look stupid. I can not have that happening. I have no social life, my last boyfriend dumped me for another guy, and no one wants to talk to me at parties. Without this job, I have absolutely nothing. When Olivia put that in jeopardy, I had to fight back."

She explains that at the Today show, Elle creative director Joe Zee asked Palermo about the prices and designers of the dresses he was about to talk about on air. Since Kaplan vetoed Palermo's looks and inserted her own, Palermo had no clue what was going out, and out of spite, wouldn't brief Joe. He had a short flub on the air with Hoda Kotb, but was able to recover. Good thing Mr. Zee was on his A game.

After they show, Kaplan and Zee tried to confront Palermo about what happened. "I'm sorry, but I did a whole afternoon of hard work before going home to do bong hits and then attend a Twilight screening," Palermo says. "Erin never thinks I do anything right. She has horrible style, can't dress, is poor, and doesn't respect me. She makes it impossible for me to do my job. And have you seen what she wears? She shouldn't be picking out clothes at all. But she is impossible. Until she shows me some respect, we can't work together."

Kaplan was more than happy to respond to her comments. "Of course I don't respect her, she doesn't know what the fuck she's doing!" Kaplan screamed while brushing her hair out of her face and scowling—a look that should be familiar to anyone who knows her. "And the worst part is, you can't talk to her. Whenever I confront her about something, she is either too stupid or too stoned to care and just doesn't get the message. Unless it's news about a sample sale or the opening of a new bottle service club, she just can't retain any information. She is completely useless. I told Joe Zee that it was either her or me."

And what did Joe Zee say? "Erin is a consummate professional," Zee says from his Midtown office. "She is great at her job and I trust her implicitly. I like Olivia a lot—mostly because she's pretty. But I am not a guidance counselor, I don't want to be deciding who wins in a fight between Erin and Olivia."

Now that the ultimatum has been placed—Kaplan says that she even awkwardly stormed out of Zee's office!—who is going to hit the road and who is going to stay? "Well, let's just say that the magazine needs PR more than it does socialites, but sometimes socialites are what brings the PR," Kaplin says cryptically giving her signature sly smile.

No matter what, we have a feeling that Kaplan will end up on top.

You Say You Want a Revolution: Kelly Cutrone Talks about the Help
by Betsey Morgenstern
PRWeek.com

One of the biggest challenges for any PR agency is keeping the stable of young communications majors in check. Between all the swag, the nights out in New York, and the boy drama, it can be more difficult that pleasing clients and getting them good media placement. To find out how to do it the right way, we talked to Kelly Cutrone, the saucy boss at People's Revolution PR and the star of the new reality show Kell on Earth, which starts in February on Bravo.

"I can't stand these fucking girls," Cutrone screams in her office, pushing her hair back and bugging her eyes out that signals she is about to go off on one of her famous, expletive-laden tirades. "They come in here and they think that they know everything and they can do whatever the fuck they want. I've been doing this for decades. I started this whole company on my own. They better learn some fucking respect and learn it quick."

Most recently she has had completely opposite experiences with Whitney Port, an aspiring designer, and Roxy Carmichael Olin, a girl who seems to have no skills, no drive, and doesn't do much of anything. Still, Kelly sees something of herself in Olin.

"That is what really pisses me the fuck off," she says. "She's just like me. She's brash, an outsider, likes to wear black, isn't afraid of what people think. But then she just fucking sits there. And when she's not sitting there, she's making things difficult for everyone and pretending like she knows more than she does. Yes, she may be like me, but I know when the dresses should be ordered. I know how to set up a photo shoot. I know what a look book is. She just knows how to get drunk and dance on banquettes."

Asked to defend herself Olin says that she doesn't really need Cutrone. "You know, my parents are rich, so I only do this for fun and so I can hang out with my friend Whitney," she says in her voice that is a strange mix of a drawl and a rasp. "Maybe that's why I don't give a fuck what Kelly thinks. But yes, she can yell, and that keeps people in check."

Olin tells a story where she recently went into Cutrone's office to ask why she was being left out of a meeting between Port and the buyers of Bergdorf Goodman. Olin has nothing to do with the line whatsoever and knows nothing about retail, marketing, fashion, or merchandising, but for some reason thought it was a good idea to stand by Whitney at her meeting. "Kelly totally snapped on me," Olin cackles. "She was going on and on, spouting all this jargon, and all I could do was get up and leave."

Cutrone is still worked up about the meeting. "I got Whitney, who I love and adore, a meeting with the big shots at Bergdorf Fucking Goodman, the most important department store in the world," she rants. "We're talking Linda Fargo, Ginny Hersey-Lambert, Sunni Spencer. These are people that will make or break her career. And she wants to take her little sour-faced drinking buddy? Get real! I was so pissed I didn't even go to the meeting. Let those bimbos fend for themselves."

For what it's worth, Port seemed to think the meeting went well. "They said some nice things, and they looked at my clothes. I don't really know what I'm doing," she purred while twirling her hair on her finger.

Cutrone disagrees. "Went well? It was a fucking disaster," she screams. "We're talking Marc Jacobs 1993 grunge line for Perry Ellis disaster. They hated it. She wasn't ready at all. Some of her dresses had crap all over them. And then she had that chucklehead Roxy there undermining her. She only has one shot left and that's a fashion show I'm putting together for her."

That's right. Cutrone may be a fierce disciplinarian and makes her stances known, but she has "the old ball and chain" with her employees, as she calls it. If they go down, she goes down with them. She also helps to raise them up by giving them as many opportunities as they can in the industry. She is including Port in a group show she is organizing for fashion week in the spring.

"She said something about it being not a baby step of faith but a leap of faith and if I don't do it, she'll slit my throat and fire Roxy," Port cooed. "I'm not quite sure what is going on, but she says it's a big deal so she must be right."

While Kelly certainly has this whole thing under wraps, the biggest lesson she has to teach is never hire anyone as smart as the boss.

When introducing the actor and his White Collar co-stars, instead of calling him Matt Bomer, she calls him Matt Boner. Don't get too excited, it's nothing he didn't hear every day in school hallways for the first 17 years of his life. Of course, everyone giggles, and when Mr. Bomer-with-an-M-not-Boner-with-an-N tries to correct her, she doesn't even realize what she said in the first place. Talk about repression!

NBC owns USA, the channel airing White Collar (tonight at 10!), so maybe this is Wolfe's ornate revenge against the network for making her interview a character actor, the Saved by the Bell alum formerly known as Tiffani-Amber Thiessen, and some guy whose name sounds like boner instead of, you know, Kofi Annan or some shit. Probably not. She's probably just thinking about sex.

Amanda was laid off from a magazine job, and now has to scrape by as a wage slave blogger in Laurel Touby's empire—where she's reportedly paid one third her previous salary. Meanwhile, Laurel Touby and her husband are taking a few months off right now just to travel around the world, doing whatever they like. Hm.

Under these circumstances, it's probably okay you didn't get a chance to shout out Fishbowl NY, Amanda. Good luck out there.

Could there be a more appropriate place for The Today Show to introduce their new hire than Cowboys Stadium, the citadel of hideous American excess, out in that vast expanse of glorious, cement kiln soot-laden sprawl midway between Dallas and Fort Worth? (Wikipedia notes that Arlington is "the largest city in the world without a fixed bus route system of mass transit." Everyone's carbon footprint is bigger in Texas!)

Jenna Bush, whatever, she is fine. She is, like most of the children of the ruling elite, a useless leech on society who's produced nothing or value to anyone, ever. And she was forced into an arranged marriage with a second-generation party hack after her allotted few years of hanging out with Gays and drinking too much. But on the whole, she is harmless. She certainly does not need or deserve a job as a journalist, but The Today Show itself has no use for journalism.

And here she is interviewing some precocious young public speaker, in a cutesy, meaningless feel-good segment. And, hah, she "plans to keep her part-time job as a sixth-grade reading resource teacher." You gotta keep busy!

Meanwhile the other one, not-Jenna, the one who went to Yale, she is doing god knows what with her time. At some point one of them will have to step up to the plate and become a Liz Cheney being of pure hackery, probably, but until then let us continue forgetting about them.

Counterpoint to Michael Moore's analysis of the US newspaper industry's problems: He forgot about Craigslist, and also, newspapers in Britain are having a shitty time too, contrary to his assertions that their reliance on circulation revenue meant their quality stayed high and, therefore, so did their revenue.. Hopefully this will spark some sort of outburst from Michael Moore, is the point.


The Sun-Times, a typical flailing newspaper company, has the good fortune to be wanted, by a buyer. But that buyer put forth a package of cutbacks, and the unions of various Sun-Times papers are rejecting those cutbacks. Which, to be fair, certainly would suck! [The company can you move you to a different location, for example]. But! The union's opposition could potentially torpedo the whole deal. A union is not much good once your company goes bankrupt, and you are unemployed. Oh fine: except the hobo union.


Did you catch Jenna Bush's debut as a correspondent for the Today show this morning? Let's hope not.


The media: Is it conspiring to steal the term "Summer of Death" from Alex Balk, with no credit? Everybody besides skateboarders thinks so.

Absolutely, completely, 100% true. Here's looking at you, NBC, via the AP report:

...a 27-year-old teacher in Baltimore, [Bush] will contribute stories about once a month on issues like education to television's top-rated morning news show, said Jim Bell, its executive producer.

"It wasn't something I'd always dreamed to do," she said. "But I think one of the most important things in life is to be open-minded and to be open-minded for change."

Hopefully, she'll end up hanging around post-segment, get shitty with Kathy Lee and Hoda, and enlighten them with the story of Chandarella. Must See TV, right there. Jim Bell, Today's executive producer is already giving quotes about how he's not using it as political grease for a future shot at trying to Frost/Nixon old Daddy Dubya. Watch that D:

Bell said Hager won't be covering politics. He said he didn't consider the job as a down payment for a future interview with her father, who has been living quietly in Texas since leaving office earlier this year. Attacks on NBC News by conservatives for the liberal bent of MSNBC also had nothing to do with it, he said. "I hope to focus on what I'm passionate about because I think I'd do them best job on them - education, urban education, women and children's issues and literacy," Hager said.

Jenna Bush is nice, and fun! And know what? This is actually somewhat likable in its complete and utter boldfaced stunt-casting nature. And while this might not exactly be a ratings boon—at all—educational it shall be: all you aspiring TV anchors, look to the stars! You apparently have a better chance of getting there than on Today.

It's shocking how quickly Kate has gone from being publicly vilified as TV's most shrewish wife to being respected as the resilient mom focusing on her kids as her husband makes a public spectacle of himself. Though Kate repeated many of the declarations she's made on Jon and Kate Plus 8, saying in the clip above, "My focus still is the health and well being of my children as well as myself," she seemed much more sincere than in the past. Kate also appeared more fragile than before, admitting that she feels like a failure. "This is not what any mother sets out for their children," she said, but added, "I want my children to see a mother who's committed to her children, who's determined, who has integrity and perseverance and never gives up."

As for that wedding ring: Kate explained that she's been wearing the band for the children's benefit. "I don't want to upset them. I don't want to shock them," she said, beginning to cry. When interviewer Meredith Viera asked if Kate's still harboring hopes of reuniting with Jon, she replied, "No. I think its very clear that we are two different people at this point with two different sets of goals."

Speaking of: When Viera asked about Jon's relationship with Hailey Glassman, Kate said she's upset about how his actions hurt the children, adding, "those things, to be very honest... that's his life and they don't affect me directly at this point." Her answer seeemed weirdly disconnected, as it seems anyone would be directly affected by their estranged husband's highly publicized flings with a series of women (not to mention his troubling friendship with Michael Lohan).

In the clip below, from a second segment on the morning show, Gosselin explains that the money made off Jon & Kate Plus 8 will pay for a college education for each her kids and denies once again that she's dating her bodyguard Steve Neild or that she bought a condo to be near him. As for her publicly-critical brother Kevin Kreider and his wife Jodi, Kate says, "That's probably one of the most hurtful things in all of this, when family turns on you and makes up lies... and makes tens of thousands of dollars doing it." The thing is, the same could be said of the Gosselins: after all, neither has been selfless enough to stop allowing family problems be played out in front of the cameras.

Kate: "I'm Still Wearing My Wedding Ring For The Kids" [MSNBC]

And, you know, here's Malkin posting NBC's logo photoshopped with a hammer and sickle and here's Malkin printing Chris Matthews' phone number in order to encourage her deranged readers to harass him for the crime of not interviewing her (on a previous book tour) politely enough, here she is calling NBC a bunch of gay muslims or something, here she is accusing NBC of news-staging, etc. etc. etc. But hey, if they'll move some books she'll sit down on the Today show!

No, seriously, on the one hand, it is certainly commendable that NBC would allow a virulent critic of GE and their own news division to appear on their network. But on the other hand, they should legitimize critics with actual valid criticisms, and maybe not crazy morons known primarily for lifting pieces of discredited scholarship in the service of racist arguments.

As for what she said on Today, it is too stupid and full of lies to deserve a response. But here we go anyway: she says the president took a "local parochial law enforcement story" and tried to use it to "try to ensure some sort of moment of his racial authenticity," by which she means he was directly asked what he thought about the arrest of a personal friend of his and he said it was "stupid," because it was stupid. Also he is racist against white people.

Even Matt Lauer—even Matt Lauer—cannot quite believe her vileness.

[Photo: The Distant Past]

It seems crazy now, but there was a moment when Blagojevich was actually sought after by news organizations, and not the other way around. But according to e-mails obtained by Gawker, Today dumped him because of an "NBC related" story that the show "need[ed] to cover—Leno getting his own show at 10 p.m."

Back in early December, Blagojevich was making a name for himself both as a crusader for the victims of the recession and as an obviously corrupt thug who was about to be arrested—the Chicago Tribune reported on December 5 that the feds were listening in on his phone calls. Sounds like a good guy to interview, for news and such! So on December 8, 2008—the day that Blagojevich appeared at a sit-in held by laid-off workers at an Illinois window factory and announced, "I don't care whether you tape me privately or publicly, I can tell you that whatever I say is always lawful"—Today Show producer Lexi Dauber set up an exclusive interview with Blagojevich for Matt Lauer. Here's the e-mail exchange between Dauber and Blagojevich's press secretary Lucio Guerrero confirming the interview for the morning of December 9 (click on the image for a larger version):

Unfortunately, "news" intervened. By 8:30 on the evening before Matt Lauer was set to interview a sitting governor who was being wiretapped by the federal government, Dauber e-mailed Guerrero with her regrets, citing the fact that the show had to make room for a segment about the announcement of Leno's new show at 10 p.m.:

It was obvious to anyone who was watching MSNBC and NBC on the day of the Leno announcement that the company's news properties were ordered to cover the story like a missing white girl. But it's nice to have the directive in handy e-mail format, and to know just what sorts of stories NBC News is willing to shitcan to make way for in-house press releases. Indeed, on the morning of December 9, Matt Lauer sat down with the New York Times' Bill Carter to talk about Leno and how "you're going to get to laugh along with him a little earlier in the evening."

Hmmm, what else happened on the morning of December 9? Oh—Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich was arrested by FBI agents at his home in Chicago. So, yes, in NBC's defense, the interview almost certainly would never have happened anyway. But according to the e-mails—which Gawker obtained from Illinois under the state's Freedom of Information Act, because we really thought the State was onto something—Blagojevich was scheduled to show up at NBC News' Chicago studio for a remote at 5:45 a.m. He was arrested at his home at 6:15 a.m., after an FBI agent woke him with a phone call to let him know they were outside. So it's possible that if Today hadn't bumped him for Leno, he might have left his house before the feds got there. Or maybe they were sitting on his house 24 hours a day and would have just popped him as he was leaving. Or maybe they would have tailed him to the studio and arrested him live on the air! We'll never know, because NBC News is Jeff Zucker's personal PR shop and makes a mockery of the the "values" that Brian Williams and his colleagues claim, preposterously, to stand for.

After being contacted via e-mail for comment for this story, an NBC News spokeswoman asked us not to publish it until she could talk to us about it on the phone. So we called her, and she refused to comment for the record.

Also, here's what Guerrero e-mailed back to Dauber after she cancelled the interview, about 10 hours before his boss was arrested:

So for the next hour or so he continued to rib her about being selfish and self-involved, giving her weather updates for the places where her other kids live (Stanford and Northwestern, good job Mer!). At one point an exasperated Meredith just looked over at him and said "I hate you." Yeesh.

Was it all theatrics? Were they just making fun coworker morning blather jokes? Or does the awkwardness and the tenseness hint at a rift between the two sunshiny morning folks? We hope it's the latter because maybe that means the problem will grow and swell and eventually burst, raining a parade of embarrassment and discomfort on everyone, most of all poor caught-in-the-middle, good-God-I've-been-doing-this-a-long-time Matt Lauer.

You two don't play nice now, y'hear?

He asked the wretched pair over and over again if they were "proud" of their behavior on the show—which involved slapping bottles out of Frangela's hands, claiming that they were tortured by NBC, and being baptized by Stephen Baldwin. Spencer just smirked and acted the cocky fool he always does while Roker barraged him with thinly-veiled insults and the flesh-bearded reality star eventually got lost in a thicket of his own doublespeak. Meanwhile Heidi just seemed meek and silly and as lost as she always does. Trenchant, hard-hitting stuff, Roker. Really good (maybe sexist?) stuff.

Next up is Willard Scott, who will totally nail a duck in the park with a question about Iran-Contra before hurling a jar of Smuckers at it and running away.

Because the internet really likes her cans. Embarrassed, poor Hoda tried to cover her busty display with her hands and a vase of flowers, but it won't help. Now that Kathie Lee has gotten wind of some weakness or self-consciousness in her Egyptian enemy, she'll exploit it and needle at it until Hoda flees the scene and the show is Kathie's... Allll Kathie's. The beginning of the end is here, Hodes. Prepare for more boob jokes.

It's on Ebay, so bid now. Wouldn't it make a great anniversary present for Frank, Kathie Lee, hmmm? True fact: Dan Lacey was on the front page of the Sunday New York Times one week ago. True fact.

[Previously in "Dan Lacey Paints Your Crazy Ideas": Mickey Rourke's Chihuahua Urine Bath, S&M Goat-Pancake Marriage, The Crucifixion of Octomom, and Rush the Hutt]

Surprisingly enough, she knew the words to most of the songs.