"Who discovered America?" "Obama."

In a week that saw the release of a Miley Cyrus album called Bangerz and a new Justin Bieber slow jam, the wackest bit of pop culture ended up coming from Toddlers & Tiaras. Last night's episode profiled the Hollywood Stars pageant circuit's Hip-Hop Pageant, which elicited tone deaf results at best. Here is the…

Football playing 5-year-old Kaden hails from Raven, Virginia, and totally owned the stage of the If I Was a Rich Girl Pageant Riches Mini National (what subjunctive mood?) pageant on last night's Toddlers & Tiaras. This kid knows swag before he even can comprehend what swag is. Also, please note the gratuitous…

Last night's episode of Toddlers & Tiaras was so packed with hilarious/stupid moments that I couldn't even focus on one family — the clip reel above spans the entire episode, wherein we met 2-year-old Khloe (named after the Kardashian, communicates solely in banshee wail), 4-year-old Brooklyn (aggressively flatulent,…

That headline could signal only one thing: the return of Toddlers & Tiaras. Well, it could signal the apocalypse too, I suppose. Really, the clip reel above from last night's season premiere is all about the first 9 seconds, which made me laugh harder than anything I can remember. Alexa says, "Wheeee!" and I feel her.

You'd think Nelson Mandela, a worldly, highly decorated 94-year-old man who spent 27 years of his life in a harsh, degrading prison fighting to free his people from the shackles of injustice and colonial abuse would want absolutely nothing to do with the TLC reality show Toddlers & Tiaras.

Jordan is a 9-year-old self-described "tomboy on the inside and a pageant girl on the outside," but she's also a bunch earthworms on the inside, thanks to her tendency to eat them, as we see in this clip from Wednesday's upcoming Toddlers & Tiaras. Her mother copes with her loneliness by enrolling Jordan in pageants,…

Another fine specimen from Toddlers & Tiaras, 18-month-old Kendyl is being raised to understand the importance of both beauty and money simultaneously (see how she likes bills and how her mom Jessica asks her, "You want some money?" as a very Anna Nicole means of prompting). So she's already doing great, as evidenced…

The season six premiere of Toddlers & Tiaras was chilling in bizarre and unprecedented ways, because I'm pretty sure 9-year-old Hailey had never met the jittery, winking gay man who introduced himself as her father before filming her episode.

Steve Harvey took the weirdest break from being a sanctimonious blowhard when he had some kids from Toddlers & Tiaras (and their parents) on his talk show today and handled everyone gently. He spoke to everyone without admonishing them, had little Kayla recreate her Shirley Temple crumping (I'll never tire of…

Gay men are the people you want judging your child beauty pageant. There's a dramatically lessened chance they'll be there for pedo reasons, they are more likely to simultaneously care about and find the humor in the charade of pageantry and since child-having is at least more complicated for them, if it's an option…

It's a case of the pot calling the kettle a bad parent: Lindsay Jackson, who is best known for appearing alongside her daughter Maddy on the controversial TLC show Toddlers & Tiaras, has been accused of exploitation by the little girl's father.

Last night, TLC premiered its first Toddlers & Tiaras spin-off, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. It is a show that reinforces what its source has been trying to tell us all along: the families of those who enter their children into beauty pageants are way more fascinating than the pageants themselves. The show's resulting …

Meet Traven, a 6-year-old pageant prince from Pulaski, Illinois, whose mother encourages him to be as womanizing as possible, but also got him into pageants "because he was so cute and he looked like a little girl." So yeah, there's more psychology going on in this episode of Toddlers & Tiaras than usual. This…

Last night's Toddlers & Tiaras featured the 8-year-old Lacey-Mae, who has achondroplasia, a bone disorder that causes dwarfism. She's about the size of a three- or four-year-old, cute as a button and accepted in the pageant world, if her trophies and ability to elicit on-camera gushing from judges are any indication.…

In response to our Toddlers & Tiaras post from earlier today, we received two emails within two minutes of each other from someone purporting to be Wendy Dickey, the pageant mom we wrote about. (Her Gmail picture is one of all of her kids. I recognized them from the show. If it's not her, it's someone really dedicated…

If you can say one thing about Wendy Dickey, the mother seen in the video above who's become something of a regular on Toddlers & Tiaras, it's that she's unpretentious. You may remember her as the woman who dressed her 3-year-old daughter Paisley as a whore (specifically, a Julia Roberts-styled whore), which she…

By Leah Beckmann — Tonight's foray into the self-esteem building activity that is pageantry, revealed that there is indeed truth behind an adage as old as the great Redwoods: fart jokes are funny!

Today at Gawker.TV, Stephen Colbert gets a spot on the Olympic team, Simon Cowell seems to have gone soft, the premiere of Toddlers & Tiaras, Steven Seagal's still patrolling the roads for crime, and Bear Grylls hijacks an oncoming train.