The Jackson County, Fla. Sheriff's office busted an alleged meth lab after the three people inside tried to fight off hallucinated attackers by firing guns and throwing anything they could find—including a toilet and a bathroom sink—out the window.

Two people are dead and three others were injured after a woman dropped her mobile phone into a pit toilet in China's Henan Province. The woman's husband climbed into the cesspit to retrieve the lost device, but fainted from the stench, initiating a series of rescue attempts that ended in tragedy.

Yesterday, BBC reporter Steven Rosenberg posted this picture from the biathlon and cross-country skiing venue for the Winter Olympics in Sochi. So why did the building planners put two toilets in the same stall? It's one of many mysteries of these upcoming games.

Are you ever urinating and happen to think, you know, I'm damn good at this thing right here. Well, have we got the job listing for you.

Countless manufacturing industries have died slow and painful deaths in America. The auto industry dried up. The clothing industries moved to Bangladesh. Yet we—the strong and the proud—can hold our heads up high and say to the world, "Excuse me, I'm on the toilet."

Toilet seats: your penis belongs dangling in front them, not crushed underneath them, but try telling that to America’s dumb kids. A new study published in urology journal BJU International (summarized in Reuters under the ominous headline “Falling toilet seats: Rare but growing risk for boys”) found that emergency…

For reasons that remain unclear, an elderly man in North Georgia decided to stand (instead of, you know, sitting) on the rim of an outdoor toilet at Carters Lake, which is managed by the U.S. Corps of Engineers. As a result, he fell inside the toilet, into a five-foot deep, shit-filled area beneath the facility.

Chinese flies looking to build a beautiful life for themselves in the public toilets of Beijing were dealt a crushing blow earlier this week, after government officials rolled out a new set of sanitation guidelines including a "two fly-maximum" rule for restrooms.

City officials in Ichihara, Japan have just opened what they are calling "the biggest public toilet in the world," The Japan Times reports.

Today in inspired feats of profound boredom: eBay user The_Heppcat claims he typed the entirety of Moby Dick on four rolls of single-ply toilet paper to win a bet. (Or for the most labor-intensive "Dick up your butt" punchline in human history.)

Fifteen minutes ago, I encountered an unflushed turd in the bowl of a workplace toilet. A harmless event that nonetheless evoked kneejerk revulsion and tested my character. Would I step up and bravely flush, or would I flee?

Japanese toilet maker Toto has invented the world's first Toilet Bike, which converts human poop "harvested directly from the driver" into biogas, Treehugger reports.* The seat is a toilet, so if you ride it with your pants down, you could theoretically defecate while you ride, thereby fueling it.

Yesterday on Way Too Early with Willie Geist, boldly wrong journopundit Mark Halperin phoned in an appearance from the lavatory of a Delta airplane.

Talk about a shitty Monday. Yesterday a woman at the D.C. General Services office went to use a toilet when it exploded and injured her. She was rushed to the hospital. Was it because she was going to take an inappropriate office poop?

An airman from the Royal Australian Air Force is being treated for "severe burns" after he apparently had a porta john mishap earlier today. A spokeswoman for the Department of Community Safety in Queensland told the Brisbane Times, "He was in a portaloo when there was some kind of explosion. It's believed he was…

Someone apparently dropped a big deuce in the International Space Station's zero-gravty toilet and didn't light a match, because the stench coming from it is so strong that one poor astronaut, Ron Garan, has been tapped to fix the $90 million plumbing system.

Sen. Rand Paul had a powerful line of questioning today for Kathleen Hogan, the deputy assistant energy secretary for efficiency. In a hearing about renewing appliance efficiency standards — hint: Rand Paul does not want any — he meandered about regulations for light bulbs, washing machines, and most importantly…

Sometimes Jersey Shore, the most important sociological experiment of our time, is all about shit. Not the normal shit about Sammi and Ronnie breaking up, Snooki getting wasted, and The Situation hooking up with some girl that smells like cheese. It is about actual, literal shit.