Over in Heidi and Spencer territory, Spence's "Operation Win Heidi Back" began. He employed the genius strategy of talking callously about maybe dating another girl, letting Heidi get upset, then leaving the condo (again.) Heidi molded her Silly Putty face into a state of woe and befuddlement and Spencer returned to the sewers, where he lives with Linda Hamilton. I mean! To his sister's apartment where he dumped his shit all over the place and then demanded that she clean up after him. (Spence: "When's the maid coming?" Stephanie: "You're looking at the maid." Spence: "Well she needs to do something about those sheets on the couch where I'm sleeping." Stephanie: [in her head] "Oh, boyyyyys.")

And then, of course, we began to see the producers' indelicate hands meddling in the scene. You see, not only has LC been spending time with She-Pratt, but then, zoh mah gah, Audrina ran into Heidi at a clurrrb. Heidi extended a little olive branch, which Audrina accepted civilly, if reluctantly. Later on she let Heidi come over to pick up some old stuff, most notably a gaudy mirror. Lauren, upon hearing the news, was not terribly happy. "Just be careful..." (the title of last night's second episode) she said, obviously upset (and in the way that you'd talk to someone about a scary rollercoaster.) Earlier, Spencer freaked out on Stephanie for the perceived betrayal, which got her upset ("Stop making yourself cry," he said kindly). Then, when Heidi got more details about LC and Stephanie's budding friendship, she just couldn't understand why LC could accept Spencer's sister, but not his girlfriend (because of the history, duh). Stephanie argued that she and Lauren have "fashion in common." Heidi keened "But every girl has fashion in common." She has a point! Girls do wear clothes! I have to admit, though, that I felt a genuine pang of sympathy for poor disappearing Heidi. But then I snapped to and realized that the producers were slowly pulling off a wonderful, disjointed reunion of sorts. The Hills thrives on the Heidi/ Lauren dynamic, and it had been slackening a bit. But now, with these awkward new "friendships" being forged, everything's back in the center ring.

Oh, and I forgot the biggest detail of the night. At the beginning? What was playing? Fucking Tokio Hotel. They have arrived.

What did I miss? What of Brody's uneventful return? Is this show going anywhere, or are we forever going to be dreaming of an intangible Moscow?

(Sorry no clip. The video department at Gawker HQ is going through some new-office hiccups.)

One of the calls was from a young man who could positively identify the pair and provide their whereabouts. Because they were his parents. Just a regular old German couple. Ooooops. The television network that runs the show says it's not their job to apologize and has passed most of the buck (or, Euro) to the FBI, which took five days to take the photo, which they apparently had no ability to verify whatsoever, off their website. I mean this is all much deserved karmic payback for that WWII thing, but it's still pretty funny. Do you have any Bulger theories? Let's meet at the L Street Tavern to discuss. [AC360]

• From "LolCat" in Bernie Ward's Illegal IM Transcript: "I'm the best commenter who ever lived! Don't you guys think I'm soooo hilarious? This is like the time Spinderella said something really hilarious but not as hilarious as the stuff I say!" [This rings very true with me.]
• From ellagood in You're Going to Get Burned: "i had the pleasure of meeting julia at fashion week. of course, she had no idea she was meeting me, which made it all the more delightful."
• From exciting young upstart VirusWithShoes in There Are No Chicks on YouTube: "It might just come down to the fact that women, generally, have more fucking sense than men. And if I had tits, I wouldn't be spending time watching roller-skating cockatoos trip over mentos-filled babies or whatever shallow-end-of-the-fucking-gene-pool-video is enrapturing the globe in it's comedic high-jinks currently doing the rounds. No. I'd be at home, PC switched off, and I'd be playing with my tits and feeling good with myself, and the world in general. Everything comes down to tits, eventually. The gap between the Theory of Relativity and quantum theory? Tits. Blue States or Red? I say "tits". Arab or Israeli? Tits, tits, tits. I have a dream. Of tits. "
• From MisterHippity in The Comminations: "I nominate "WHAT YOUR FRIENDS ARE UP TO" for this one: 'Make friends: Next time you see a comment that's brilliantly illuminating and life-changing, click the 'Follow Commenter' icon next to it.' Oh, man! That one made me giggle till the frappucino came out my nose!"[This was nominated by the great AndSheSaid, who you should all thank because she sends lovely, detailed nomination emails and really cares about you. So buy her a Coke or something.]
• From Clarence Rosario in This Changes Everything: "Holy shit. What the fuck have I been doing all day?" [Sigh.]
• From Scroll_Lock in Remebering Abercrombie's Soft Smut: "The best part of the catalog is that the last page included a cigarette for the reader."