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Top Chef's Toby Young's Report from inside the Emmys
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iamrulalenska
09/22/09

In reply to Top Chef's Toby Young's Report from inside the Emmys
Don't drink the Koolaid people. I guarantee the first time he opens his mouth on the next episode you will forget all about that okay crap above.

Did we all forget about Obama not being an African-American?
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MisterHippity
09/22/09

@iamrulalenska: Oh yeah ... I did forget about that.

Damn. I'm so conflicted!
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iamrulalenska
09/22/09

@MisterHippity: He is a douche. He may have his moments but it is going to take a lot more than one piece here to convince me otherwise.
Keep the claws out tomorrow night, be strong.
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snugbug
09/22/09

@iamrulalenska: How about you give his bestseller "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People" a read? Then move on to his weekly columns in the British magazine The Spectator. Then dig into the archives and familiarize yourself with the brilliant Modern Review magazine, which he co-founded. I know reading is not popular with this age group but by God, get a fucking grip.
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DahlELama
09/22/09

@snugbug: Congratulations--I think "I know reading is not popular with this age group" might be in the top five most condescending things I've ever read on Gawker. Way to--wait for it!--lose friends and alienate people!
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snugbug
09/22/09

@DahlELama: =( I'm not that much of an ass, am I? Was just making a point. I have no patience for stupid peeps, Dahly, it's a flaw of mine.
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Edited by snugbug at 09/22/09 9:55 PM snugbug was starred snugbug was unstarred

RollsRoyceRevenge
09/23/09

@snugbug: I read his book. I am familiar with The Spectator. And the Modern Review had its moments. Alas, they all belonged to Julie Burchill.

It is precisely my own lack of patience for stupid people that makes Toby Young unbearable to me.

Obama really isn't black? You don't say!
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Pope John Peeps II
09/23/09

@snugbug:

1) I'm not that much of an ass, am I?

2) I have no patience for stupid peeps, Dahly, it's a flaw of mine.

You know, saying #2 pretty much guarantees that #1 will be invalidated. #2 guarantees you're an ass.
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RollsRoyceRevenge
09/22/09

In reply to Top Chef's Toby Young's Report from inside the Emmys
I, for one, need a little more than a single non-irritating post to make up for his post 9/11 twatishness.

Go play in traffic, Toby. Again.
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snugbug
09/22/09

@RollsRoyceRevenge: That's just mean. Toby Young is not an a-hole. He's a good, funny writer. He has a heart. Don't stab him in it.
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MisterHippity
09/22/09

@snugbug: Snuggie, forgive me if this is a personal question, but ... did you once have some kind of romantic fling with Toby Young?

You know, one of those "Maxwell House International Coffee moment" sort of things where, after a passionate night in Paris, the two of you sampled coffee the next morning "the likes of which you'd never known"?
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Edited by MisterHippity at 09/22/09 8:15 PM MisterHippity was starred MisterHippity was unstarred

snugbug
09/22/09

@MisterHippity: I bloody wish! I acknowledge I might've gone cuckoo and acted hysterical on this thread, so here, hit me with your rhythm stick and discipline me. [Handing you Nina Hagen rhythm stick.] I'm sorry if I upset you and others.
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MisterHippity
09/23/09

@snugbug: Aw, heck, you didn't upset me. I'm just teasing you is all. I find you defense of Toby kind of sweet. :-)
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adiam7
09/22/09

In reply to Top Chef's Toby Young's Report from inside the Emmys
Damn it , I hate him less now. I have to look at old episodes to get into super-hate mode before TC tomorrow
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snugbug
09/22/09

In reply to Top Chef's Toby Young's Report from inside the Emmys
Oh, and the bit about Toby Young being "a friend of Gawker" that puzzled some commenters? I bet that means he and Uncle Nicky were drinking buddies in their college days. I mean, they're both in the same age ballpark and went to Oxford.
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MisterHippity
09/22/09

@snugbug: You know, you're probably right about that. In fact, Nick Denton co-hosted a book party for Toby Young once three years ago -- the party where the infamous fight between former Gawker writer Ian Spiegelman and Post gossip writer Doug Dechert happened.

Read here: [www.mediabistro.com]

And here: [gawker.com]
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MissPeacock
09/22/09

In reply to Top Chef's Toby Young's Report from inside the Emmys
I very much enjoyed this piece, Toby. Now I want to be your friend. REDEEMED!!!!!!!!!!
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1WordUp
09/22/09

@MissPeacock: Likewise. How am going to be able to make gross generalizations that allow me to hate people when someone like Toby comes forward with an interesting, entertaining, and humanizing reveal.

And Tom is a such a great smartass."That's why we hired you Toby" indeed!
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karion
09/22/09

In reply to Top Chef's Toby Young's Report from inside the Emmys
I rather enjoyed that, Toby. Clean slate!

Tell me a little about Tom's beautiful blue eyes, and how the unicorns frolic when Eric Ripert comes to visit.

And my god, does Turtle look ever so delicious in that picture.
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snugbug
09/22/09

@karion: Chacun à son goût, and all that but.. Dear Lord, "delicious"? I'd take the baldy bookish Brit over him in a nanosecond.
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Beau Nerd
09/22/09

@snugbug: I would take them all in the manner of a threeway ceviche, but come morning-time Toby can make the eggs himself. I can't face that kind of pressure before noon.
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snugbug
09/22/09

In reply to Top Chef's Toby Young's Report from inside the Emmys
That was awesome. Toby, just so you know, I've always defended you on our Top Chef loveblog, even though Hip & the gang have tried to sway me. Granted, I never saw you in action during the previous seasons, so they might technically be right.
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MisterHippity
09/22/09

@snugbug: Way to throw the rest of the live-bloggers under the bus there, Snuggie! Except ... what you say is 100% true. But still.

But anyway, I may just join the "Friends of Toby" club now, because he's swayed me with this witty, charming piece he wrote above.

In fact, if he shows up in this comment thread and talks to us (and doesn't rip into me), I'll definitely join that club!
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snugbug
09/22/09

@MisterHippity: Oh, you know I love the lot of you guys to bits. I was just re-enacting that "Nicolas throws Methface under the bus" bit from last week's Project Runway..
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MisterHippity
09/22/09

In reply to Top Chef's Toby Young's Report from inside the Emmys
Ok, by popular demand, here are the winners of the Toby Young Stale One-Liner (TYSOL) contest we held during the Top Chef Live Blog on Gawker last winter ([gawker.com]):

First Place:
thundermonkey: "My word, I feel like Prince Charles just ejaculated powdered sugar into my eyeballs."

Second Place:
Lazy Susan: "Linda Lovelace wouldn't swallow that!"

Third Place (tie):
Heneage: "This dish is more saccharine than a Sandra Lee tablescape."
TedSez: "This dish is even more likely to come spewing back out of my mouth than a perfectly honed English sentence."

Honorable Mention:
bjonston: "This dish is so bad, it made the onions cry!"
get the buttah: "Mmmmm… home-made Ipecac."
Heneage: "I've seen more appetizing meals regurgitated from a mother bird."
Iceland Spar: "I've seen streetwalkers in the East End with better presentation."
Kitten_Witawip: "The swallows will be back in Capistrano before I'd have another swallow of that."
Mathnet: "This little piggy went to market and got the finger and then cried 'wee wee wee wee' all the way home, and I wish I'd had none. Or roast beef."
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Edited by MisterHippity at 09/22/09 1:53 PM MisterHippity was starred MisterHippity was unstarred

MisterHippity
09/22/09

@MisterHippity: Of course, not that you are a Friend Of Gawker, Toby, these are presented all in the spirit of friendly ribbing and teasing born of admiration and respect.

Like a Dean Martin Roast or something.
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RollsRoyceRevenge
09/22/09

@MisterHippity: "Roast Dean Martin? I say, what a horrible idea."
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MisterHippity
09/22/09

@RollsRoyceRevenge: "I'll bet roasted Dean Martin would taste better than this roast beef!"
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DahlELama
09/22/09

@MisterHippity: Ironically, the third place winners and the honorable mentions sound exactly like what he would say, while the first and second place winners are clearly way, way too funny to ever be spewed by Mr. Young and therefore should actually be disqualified. But ah, how fun to see these again!
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Matt Cherette
09/22/09

@MisterHippity: Yay, finally! First time I've seen this -- definitely won't be the last. Brilliant.
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snugbug
09/22/09

@MisterHippity: LOL @ the Heneage one! Where the HELL is this guy? I'm a demented fan of his, I think I need to start cyber-stalking him.. He's never on Gawker anymore.
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Kitten_Witawip
09/22/09

@MisterHippity: Blush, blush... tnx for the honorable mention.
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Matt Cherette
09/22/09

@snugbug: The Heneage one was also my favorite. Actually, anything that mocks Sandra Lee usually ends up being a favorite [insert noun here] of mine.
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MisterHippity
09/22/09

@mattchew03: Here are a few TYSOLs of my own, which I wrote the week before the contest [gawker.com] for illustrative purposes:

* "You must be a true artist — because it tastes like you cut off your own ear and used it as an ingredient in this dish."
* "This tastes like Ronald McDonald puked — and then his puke cooked this meal."
* "The Exxon Valdez never made anything this oily." (Out-of-date topical jokes earn bonus points.)
* "If you salted this, you could call it 'salt with a deadly weapon.'" (Bad puns also earn bonus points.)
* "Somebody call my doctor. This dish is so good, it gave me an erection that will probably last more than four hours!" (Remember: TYSOLs can be positive, too!)
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Edited by MisterHippity at 09/22/09 2:25 PM MisterHippity was starred MisterHippity was unstarred

RollsRoyceRevenge
09/22/09

@MisterHippity: Actually, with the right marketing campaign, "Tysol" could probably be pitched as a flavo(u)r additive of some sort.

In England, at least.

"Have a meal that just won't cohere into a cheap joke? Spray it with Tysol for an epigrammatically enhanced experience!"
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RollsRoyceRevenge
09/22/09

In reply to Top Chef's Toby Young's Report from inside the Emmys
Sorry everyone.

I should have backed up the car.
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RollsRoyceRevenge was starred

MisterHippity
09/22/09

In reply to Top Chef's Toby Young's Report from inside the Emmys
In the bar afterwards, I told Tom that if we wanted to stand a chance next year we'd have to get some contestants with disabilities.

"That's why we hired you Toby," he said.

You know what, Toby? That's funny. In fact, that's very funny.

If your judging "quips" last season were HALF that funny, more Top Chef fans would've liked you last season.
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Edited by MisterHippity at 09/22/09 1:48 PM MisterHippity was starred MisterHippity was unstarred

CherriSpryte
09/22/09

@MisterHippity: I must admit, I "LOLed" at that, as the kids say.
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Botswana Meat Commission FC
09/22/09

In reply to Top Chef's Toby Young's Report from inside the Emmys
"Oh please, please, please do that," she said, her eyes sparking with mischief.

This is sounding a lot like my own Padma fantasies.
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Dickdogfood
09/22/09

In reply to Top Chef's Toby Young's Report from inside the Emmys
Toby Young is a Friend of Gawker? After all the mean things we've said about him? Hm.
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DahlELama
09/22/09

@Dickdogfood: I was equally surprised. Clearly, he's never dropped by the loveblog.
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TriedandTrue
09/22/09

@Dickdogfood: I know, right?? How come this has not been mentioned up until this point? He must not be a very good friend of Gawker
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MisterHippity
09/22/09

@DahlELama: Maybe I should post some samples from our live blog's "Toby Young Stale One-Liner (TYSOL)" contest here? Or would that be too rude?
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DahlELama
09/22/09

@MisterHippity: You know how you were just asking how you could earn my eternal love and admiration? Well, I think you just answered your own question.
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MisterHippity
09/22/09

@DahlELama: Done!
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DahlELama
09/22/09

In reply to Top Chef's Toby Young's Report from inside the Emmys
That account was actually pretty cute, but where were the puns? Step it up, Tobes!
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unclevanya
02/11/09

In reply to Eat Tom Colicchio's Meat for Cheap
"...the bald but decidedly un-jolly chef..."

It's fat people that are jolly. Bald people are just bald.
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lawyergay
02/11/09

In reply to Eat Tom Colicchio's Meat for Cheap
"Craft" has got to be the most unbearably precious concept for a restaurant chain ever. Please stop "honoring the protein," cook my motherfucking food and shut up about it.
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