Unfortunately for wax Tom Cruise and wax Fonzie, things didn't end well. However, this is one of the funniest sketches you'll ever see on a television show. It's simply amazing and words really don't do it any justice. It's something you just have to see. Enjoy.

But seriously, which is a more revolting thought — that Obama actually gave his digits to Jeremy Piven, or that Piven never even bothered to write the numbers down or save them into his phone?

But hey, what can you expect—he's a Hollywood actor who lives on a farm in Kentucky! And Heidi Klum looked sort of traumatized by him. God bless Steve Zahn.

Vid via NBC.com

The Late Shift, a 1996 HBO movie based on a book by the New York Times' Bill Carter, chronicled the infamous struggle between David Letterman and Jay Leno to replace Johnny Carson as the host of the Tonight Show after his retirement. Higgins, in an interview with Starpulse's Mike Ryan, said that he knew at the time he was offered the role that the film would be controversial and that he risked facing a backlash within the notoriously petty industry for taking the role, but at the time he was a struggling actor who desperately needed $300 to fix his broken-down car.

They had a hard time casting it for that reason. And he was very powerful — and is. He didn't like the project from the beginning and didn't make it easy for me — or for anyone doing that project. It was (pauses) it was hard. I took it because I needed to fix the steering column on my Subaru is why I took it. I needed $300 or I wouldn't have a steering wheel. So, I ended up making more than $300 but in the end it's one of those jobs you just can't... I could not turn it down. I may be able to turn it down now, but I couldn't at the time. It would just be completely crazy and irresponsible.

You know, it was scary. I was scared of it. No question. Actually, doing the job itself was a tricky acting challenge but I had had harder acting challenges onstage. That part wasn't so bad, it was the appendant hoopla which was difficult for me to navigate and I didn't do it that well because I was so inexperienced. There was a lot of press, there was a lot of interviews and comparing me. And [Letterman] was saying things about me on his television program. It was difficult. I didn't know what I was doing.

I had a lot of help from HBO's publicity department who was holding my hand through it because I suddenly was in a rather glaring spotlight. Mostly not because of the project, which was good, but it wouldn't have gotten all that press. It was mostly because of the nature of the project. An inside, big Hollywood story where people were actually getting represented on the screen. People who are alive and well.

It was a great opportunity and it was really daunting and scary. It was like, "Should I do this? This could end it all. This could start and end the whole thing." Thankfully, it didn't.

Higgins also said that Letterman has refused to speak to him in the years that have passed since, though he was booked to appear on Letterman's show, only to get bumped without explanation.

There was a famous incident where he invited me to the show and I got bumped off the show. Everyone sort of tried to figure out what happened there ... it's odd though, it's an interesting job. It's really interesting to industry people. To still be talking about a job I was in 12 years ago is very unusual.

Back in February, Letterman invited the mother of the late comedian Bill Hicks onto his show so he could apologize publicly for a slight he perpetrated upon Hicks back in 1993. Maybe one day Letterman can invite John Michael Higgins to join him on the air to talk about The Late Shift and put all of the animosity to rest. We think it's be a tremendously nice gesture, not to mention something that would make for very compelling television, don't you think?

John Michael Higgins Talks [Mike Ryan/Starpulse]

Now we know that there's all sorts of doctoring and prepping that goes on backstage with celebrities before they walk out on stage, so it's likely that Gwyneth or her assistant lathered up her legs good with lotion before she went out, but this was a little over the top. And as noted by blogger Soup, someone must have taken a towel to her in the second segment, as evidenced by the photo on the right in which she's lacking the blinding sheen she had in the first.

Naturally, we turned to Twitter to see what others were saying about all of this, and as of now it seems as though the "lard theory" seems to be taking root.





We just want to make more Goop jokes right now, but we suppose the title filled our quota, so we'll just let this one go.

UPDATE: Here's video of the greasy-leg segment in question.





Greasy Gwyneth photo via Soup
Tweet via Courtney Reimer's Twitter

Chen and I are in disagreement as to whether or not this is intentional. I say it's a coincidence, but he's convinced that Mario was a definite inspiration for this background. What do you guys think? [Serious Lunch]

O'Brien's 7.1 rating was a full 173& higher than his February Late Night goodbye episode, though in Tonight terms, it still came in lower than old guard Jay Leno's Friday night sign-off. Perhaps people prefer a goodbye to a hello.

The important thing that remains to be seen is whether Conan can hold onto any of the old Leno fans. He's sure to bring his rabid Late Night fan base to the earlier slot, but judging by certain fussy old people's "We miss Leno... :(" reactions, his caustic absurdism may not play well with the watching-in-bed-til-the-Gas-X-kicks-in set.

11:35—-And we're off!!! Love any shots of Conan running in a damn suit!

11:36—-Wrigley Field?!?!?! Hell yeah!

11:39—-Okay, that was cool. And the promos of him running on the beach make all the more sense now.

11:41—-Is there an open bar in the audience or something? Who are these people? Oh, yeah, it's LA!

11:42—-Andy!!! Who I can't look at anymore without thinking of that NBC exec who called him a "fat dildo."

11:44—-The first of a gazillion LA Clippers jokes delivered.

11:45—-Hillary wants to host the Tonight Show too?

11:47—-Yeah, it's funny because Joe Biden probably really said all of those things.

11:49—-Before I die, I need to take the Universal "tram tour."

11:50—-Is that Giovanni Ribisi on the "tram tour?"

11:51—-Please Conan, no more Octomom jokes. PLEASE!

11:56—-Opening segment verdict: Absolutely loved the skits. Conan seemed a bit tense to me in his monologue, but who could blame him? And there's an odd dynamic between he and Andy. Obviously, it's been years since they worked together, so it'll take some time to regain that chemistry, and it'll be interesting to see how they incorporate him into the show in the future.

11:57—-I'm really looking forward to seeing Pelham 123. More subway terror movies please!

11:59—-I should really be boozing more right now.

12:01—-Just admit Conan, you freaking hate Leno right now!

12:03—-I love it when Conan brings out the Taurus!

12:04—-Wait, a Taurus can have a sunroof?!?!

12:05—-Any skit featuring Billy Ocean music is a winner in my book.

12:07—-Not really giving a crap about Funny People. Not sure why.

12:10—-I'm sorry, I didn't see his show on Broadway, but if Will Ferrell wins a Tony, I'll be kinda pissed.

12:11—-And that entrance was lame. Sorry.

12:13—-Of course Twitter would get referenced somewhere in the show.

12:14—-Conan would have done so much better by having Don Rickles on as his first guest.

12:18—-"Liza is a commie" is very funny to me.

12:20—-When is someone going to make a remake of "Ultra Man?" Remember "Ultra Man?" It was a Japanese show dubbed into English for syndication...I LOVED that show!

12:22—-Anybody else ready for Pearl Jam?

12:24—-Okay, it's official, I'm kinda over Will Ferrell. His schtick is sort of tired.

12:25—-Opening show verdict so far: A little shaky when live. Skits were great. Timing on stage is a bit off, which is to be expected I guess. Everything will come together seamlessly soon enough.

12:29—-FREAKING PEARL JAM Y'ALL!!!!

12:31—-Best concert I've ever been to was Pearl Jam in New Orleans at Tad Gormley Stadium in 1995(?). That was when they were revolting against Ticketmaster and sold their own tix. Almost died that day, or thought I was going to, but it was so damn worth it.

12:32—-I'm kinda loving this "Got Some If You Need It" song...very classic PJ stuff. Eddie Vedder is such a badass, isn't he?!

12:33—-A friend just IMed me to say that all the guys in Pearl Jam were wearing "mom jeans." Agree?

12:35—-"Pepsi Max...Diet soda for men?!?!?!" FU Pepsi! How stupid do you think American men are? Wait, don't answer that!

12:36—-God, Andy Richter does kinda of have a "fat dildo" thing going on, doesn't he? Hopefully they'll find something for him to do soon. Tonight he was just there.

And this concludes tonight's Gawker Conan liveblog! YAAAY! See you in the comments.

UPDATE: Here's the pretty hilarious opening of the show...

So even the show airs in about an hour on the East Coast, we couldn't resist sharing some of these with you:

Well, I've timed this moment perfectly. I'm on a last place network, I moved to a state that's bankrupt, and tonight's show is sponsored by General Motors.

A lot of people have been asking me, "Will your show be any different now that you've moved to Los Angeles?" I tell them all, "No. Mi programa no va a cambiar porque estoy en la ciudad de Los Angeles."

This is a huge night for me. I remember watching Johnny Carson when I was a kid and thinking, "That's what I want to be when I grow up." And I'm sure right now somewhere in America, there's a little kid watching me and thinking, "What is wrong with that man's hair?

I think they've built us a beautiful studio here in Los Angeles. This studio holds 380 people. It's exactly like being at a Clippers game.

We're here at Universal Studios. It's exciting to tape the show on the Universal lot because we're just around the corner from Wisteria Lane where they film "Desperate Housewives". In fact, in a lot of recent scenes you can see me playing the "Creepy Guy in the Bushes."

Good God he's so much better than Leno—-We can hardly wait! And come back at 11:35 because we're going to liveblog this badboy!

An absolute staple of his show. Stupid costumes with cheesy lighting, a celebrity to join him, and La Bamba going falsetto in between each joke. They were all amazing, and this one is no exception. Who knew that Duchovny meant syphilis in Russian? People in the year 2000 did, that's who.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.One of a number of 'Conan's Field Trips'. There are a lot to choose from here. Conan and Mr. T go apple picking was one of the oddest pairings, but this one was Conan on his game. All of his talents seem to come together perfectly. Charming, self-deprecating, brilliant use of props, quick wit. And the men on the vineyard play great straight men to make him seem even more absurd.

Another one of his brilliant recurring sketches. And even though it's on Conan, this sketch owed its brilliance to Robert Smigel. There were almost too many of these to choose from, but I settled on Arnold because his voice was by far the most ridiculous.

Just a great moment with a great reaction from Conan. His sheer enthusiasm is what makes it classic.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Making fun of a league in Long Island that plays baseball as it was meant to be played in the 19th century. As usual, he joins in on the fun.

Recurring characters like vomiting Kermit and Pimpbot 5000 added a certain richness to the show. But none quite had the staying power like The Masturbating Bear. On his last Late Night, Conan retired The Masturbating Bear, as it would simply not fly in his new time slot. He had it encased in Carbonite.

He does not pander to celebrities. And getting someone like Martha Stewart to eat a cold Taco Bell bean burrito and wash it down with a refreshing bottle of OE 800 is part of his genius. Martha obviously enjoyed this as much as viewers, and later on Conan took a field trip to Martha's estate

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Randomly bluritng out a non-existent website on the air forced NBC to buy the rights to HornyManatee.com. The site still exists to this day, and from the looks of it is still regularly updated.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Late night hosts have always taken shots at their networks, but O'Brien figured out a way to make fun of NBC without coming off as bitter. When NBC bought Universal and became the owner of Walker: Texas Ranger, he introduced a lever that played Chuck Norris clips. It was so simple in its brilliance.

The most consistently funny aspect of Conan's show. Only hoping he continues on The Tonight Show.

Fine by us! And we're sure future Tonight Show successor O'Brien and the NBC Entertainment co-chairman Silverman are both relieved to have Leno back on his feet. Although it's safe to say only one of them has been waking up in cold sweats, praying to a new-found God for Leno's good health.

Much rides on Leno' shoulders. NBC is saving millions by moving Leno's program into the 10 p.m. slot later this year, sparing it from ordering up expensive primetime dramas. It's hoping, too, that Leno will provide a reliable lead-in to the 11 p.m. news hour at NBC's troubled local stations, which have been hit hard by the drought in advertising by car dealerships.

Leno's unexplained ailment — an NBC flack dismissed one rumor of food poisoning — may be minor; his fans will surely wish him a quick recovery. As will executives. When Leno sneezes, the network catches a cold.

That snub, alone, was widely noted, at especially on Twitter, where McCain is very proud to be in the "top twits" list.

But if you listened right, it was easy to hear the former Republican presidential candidate compounding the insult when he added, "I've left out somebody's name and I'm going to hear about it."

You can read that at least two ways, perhaps by design: "I've left out someone in particular's name, on purpose" or "I've inevitably on accident left out someone's name, lord knows who, probably someone in a desolate flyover state, but please don't make a joke about my age and fading memory capacity, thanks."

Assuming that McCain hates his former running mate is actually the charitable answer that gives him the benefit of the doubt. That alternative is that he's already forgotten about the woman who ran at the bottom of his ticket like six months ago, poised to someday inherit the presidency.

Ya, he hates her.

Now we know better: You have to yell at cable news pundits on television to fix all financial problems. Or at least do some kind of video YouTube mash up thing.

Also, "the White House is now black/we gotta take the radio back" is vaguely Public Enemy c. 1990. (What's a "radio?")

[via Wonkette]

Poor Mr. Richter left Late Night some ten years ago to pursue solo fame, but found very little. His three short-lived TV series—Andy Richter Controls the Universe, Quintuplets, and Andy Barker, P.I.—were critical successes (well, OK, not Quintuplets), but the audiences never showed up. He also made a couple of sad appearances in movies, like playing the Ching-Chong-Chinese-accented Bernie Bang in the Olsen Twins' wide release flop, New York Minute.

But don't worry. He won't just be yelling Conan's name at the top of each evening. He'll appear in skits, much like Joel Goddard did on Late Night we imagine. And, on the more optimistic side, maybe this was an idea all along, Conan just needed to move to LA! Richter said before he appeared on Late Night's last broadcast on Friday:

The best thing about Conan taking over the ‘Tonight' show is that he's coming to Los Angeles, where I already live. So I'm getting my friends back.

So that's nice, I guess. Maybe it's not actually the saddest, "most reminiscent of that Simpsons episode where Homer quits the nuclear power plant to work at the bowling alley, but then has to go back when Marge gets pregnant and crawl through a little tunnel and get the plague plaque" bit of TV news in recent memory.

To give you a refresher, here are some old Richter clips. Oh, and, at press time, LaBamba is still sitting by the phone... waiting.

The Late Night host is quoted on his reaction to the news in tomorrow's New York Times. It's at least his third version of the story. Notice the subtle and not so subtle evolution:

1. 'Thrilled'

Seaking on his show after Leno's 10 p.m. slot was announced, O'Brien said, "I've known about this for a while... I am thrilled. I am absolutely thrilled that Jay is staying at NBC. " OK!

2. 'An hour and a half' of deliberation

In his first interview after the Leno announcement, O'Brien told the Times the move was actually a surprise: "I don't think any of us were expecting a Monday through Friday thing for Jay like that... And there was a period where everybody was just trying to figure out: what does this mean? ...After about an hour and a half I just started asking if I was still going to be getting the ‘Tonight Show With Johnny Carson' that I used to watch with my father in my living room in Brookline, Massachusetts."

3. Oh, so now it's an hour and forty five minutes!

In the new Times article, O'Brien basically retold the same story, in slightly different words. But for some reason he added 15 minutes to period of inner turmoil:

The move gave Mr. O'Brien pause for about 'an hour and 45 minutes,' he said. 'The 10 p.m. thing, Monday through Friday, I don't think that was something anybody necessarily saw coming.'

O'Brien isn't the only who has second guessed NBC's thinking. "I feel a little sorry for Conan," one industry source told the Times, echoing much of the chatter from the past three months.

O'Brien's comic friend Norm MacDonald even teased O'Brien on his own show last week, saying Leno got the better of the Late Night host (see clip up top). If O'Brien is owning up to more of his own doubt these days, maybe it's because he's gotten so much outside validation for those feelings.

(Video via Hulu via TVTattle)

The actor apparently showed up to an actress' house on the first date, and, after she opened the door, he asked if they could just have sex immediately, because he had to get up early the next day. When Leno told Jennifer who it was, she said that she went out with that guy, too, and he was equally gross with her.

Reviewing the list of celebrities (known celebrities, that is) that Jennifer Love Hewitt has dated, there were three actors who fit the bill:

• Wilmer Valderrama
• Stephen Dorff
• John Cusack

Valderrama is a known womanizer, Dorff seems like he would be ballsy enough to make such requests, and Cusack, rumored to be a real grump, would probably be annoyed by having to go through the rigmarole of actually sitting through dinner and boring conversation to get to the sex when he knew he had an early call the next day.

My immediate guess is Valderrama, but the name that Jay says is really short and it sounds like it has an "s" toward the end. So John Cusack it is!

The Writers Guild of America has initiated disciplinary proceedings against Leno, Variety reports, and could ultimately expel or suspend his union membership. The union is upset that Leno wrote his own material in January 1008, in the weeks before the writers strike ended, allowing the Tonight Show to return to the air and compete against David Letterman, who owned his Late Show outright and was thus able to settle with the union early. Had Leno not come back, Letterman almost certainly would have clobbered him in the ratings.

NBC said at the time the union gave Leno permission to write his own material in a meeting and that the union's prior contract allowed him to do so anyway.

What ramifications a union expulsion or suspension would have for Leno's new 10 pm show are unclear. But it would definitely be embarrassing for the late-night host to be slapped by the union he publicly supported in a big way during the writers strike last fall. Sounds like the union isn't too happy with Leno annexing a huge chunk of NBC's prime time. At least the time didn't go to reality shows, guys. Those programs barely even have writers.

Letterman wrangled unsuccessfully with Leno for the Tonight Show 18 years ago. After Leno announced he would move to a new 10 pm show, Letterman started making jokes about the time slot on the Late Show. See the compilation at left!

Letterman must also relish the latest development, as reported tonight by Broadcasting & Cable: CBS executives are said to be interested in re-upping with Letterman when his contract expires in 2010. Reports B&C:

The two sides are striking up talks as the 11:30 timeslot is about to undergo a sea change with Conan O'Brien taking over The Tonight Show and Jay Leno deciding not to jump to ABC and compete for those viewers.

Letterman has backed off from his 10 p.m. jokes in recent weeks; the attached clips above are from December. But once Leno gets close to actually making the 10 p.m. move, Letterman is likely to bring them back more relentlessly than ever, particularly if CBS doubles down on him. TV-feud connoisseurs should certainly hope so.