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New York, 10:01 AM
Wed Nov 25
49 posts in the last 24 hours
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09:45 AM
08:52 AM
Can I have a semi-hot b/f if I'm a thousandaire?
03:12 AM
02:59 AM
02:35 AM
01:54 AM
Thanksgiving 1997: Grandfathers and Uncles unzipped their pants unabashedly before they napped in various chairs in the living room after the large dinner. All of the women were willingly sequestered in the kitchen arguing over who should do the dishes. "But you're too tired to do dishes! You've been up since 7 am cooking!" "No, no, you've been up that long and you had to drive 2 hours to get here. Let me do it!" Grandmothers who never spoiled their children or husbands were sneaking turkey under the table to my dog, and extra whiskey in my husband's Jack and ginger.
My cousin, husband and I were the "grandchildren," we were still the youngest at that point. And as such we were still expected to perform on cue.
Most of my family is determinedly rural, but my cousins side is gleefully intellectual. So, during the post dinner clean-up, my aunt (who was a little tipsy) came lunging at my cousin and demanded that she translate the "Riesling Auslese Wehlener," wine bottle that we were nursing as a post dinner treat.
"I paid for your Ivy League school, and your German lessons, so tell me what it means!" my aunt said loudly. She wanted to make sure that all of the other women in the kitchen got to appreciate the joys of her daughter's higher education.
My cousin without missing a beat took the wine bottle out of her mother's arms.
"Well, what does it say?" my aunt repeated her request.
Without missing a beat, my equally tipsy cousin said "Ernest and Julio."
And we laughed until the dog barked. And then both my grandmothers fed her some more turkey and asked my husband if he needed more whiskey.
It was a good Thanksgiving.
11/24/09
11/24/09
11/24/09
11/24/09
11/24/09
And New Year's?
And all the holidays?
Pretty please?
I have an Easter one involving a babysitter who thought it would be funny to arrange a dead rabbit she'd found as if it were run over while delivering candy eggs to worthless brats, by which I mean me.
07:06 AM
& yes, I agree. I'll raise your "Pretty please" with a cherry!
08:39 AM
Somewhere.
11/24/09
I spent most of the time sitting with my hands folded in my lap trying to look engaged in the conversation while my boyfriend's dad's business associate from the Yucatan made dirty jokes in Spanish comparing vainas to marble quarries and his cousin kept trying to get me to teach him swear words in English. I went to bed shortly after dinner, but couldn't sleep because the entire group stayed up until 6 am smoking unfiltered Marlboro Reds in the living room and watching Tropic Thunder at extra high volume. I was also on an air mattress. Someone had a rented Ferrari, and at about 3 am, the crew decided to migrate outside and rev the engine for about half an hour.
The next day, I noticed that my suitcase was missing from the guest room. His mother had kidnapped my clothes and was laundering my underwear. There are few things creepier than the idea of your boyfriend's mother touching your ultra slutty vacation panties.
11/24/09
11/24/09
But yeah, boyfriend's dad's hands on panty crotch.... gross.
11/24/09
[www.sfgate.com]
11/24/09
11/24/09
My husband would say something similar about shoes.....
11/24/09
11/24/09
There is one big takeaway from all this: Alcohol should be far less available than it currently is.
11/24/09