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New York, 4:01 AM
Tue Nov 24
46 posts in the last 24 hours

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02:55 AM
01:54 AM
dun-dun-dun!
/turns off flashlight
01:32 AM
01:26 AM
A small exception: I stayed on campus Thanksgiving weekend my junior year of college, and decided to spend one very lonely day drinking until I puked because I had never done that before. I succeeded!
12:39 AM
Ever since, at each family gathering and as a holiday tradition, someone in the family randomly fake-shouts at someone else and then threatens to leave and walk home.
11/23/09
11/23/09
11/23/09
Too convoluted? Or just stupid enough?
11/23/09
11/23/09
For several years in my youth he was married to a woman named Star. One Thanksgiving, he asked to say the blessing, which was unusual, but my parents agreed. He stood up, raised his glass, and said "Thanks God, for getting Star off the coke!"
I don't remember, but my mom said my dad was livid. The rest of the family quietly choked back their laughter and said "Amen!"
11/23/09
I was sent to my room with no dinner. But my mom snuck me a turkey leg and some sides later that night.
11/23/09
11/23/09
11/23/09
Dude was girlfriend-free by the time they flew back south. Many years later, after enduring countless reminders of that holiday, my sister admitted that Mr.Lifeguard had a very large penis. So he had that going for him.
Another year, I spent the holidays with my wife's family. They all live forever. I think they sold their souls and their sense of humor to the devil. Anyway, I had to miss the drunken reunion that is my family's celebration to spend it with the in-laws. We traveled four hours to Reading, Pennsylvania to share the day with four 90-plus year old relatives at Schmeck's Italian Villa, still my favorite restaurant name ever.
I have more, drunkier ones too.
11/23/09
11/23/09
And a funnier one: We had just finished our Thanksgiving dinner at my mother's house, which-this was many years later- had been perfectly nice. We were lounging around the living room in various stages of food coma when we heard a loud WHOOMPH as a huge orange flash and a wave of tremendous heat came from the kitchen. The cat ran yowling into the living room. We ran into the kitchen to find scorch marks on the wall and the stove a full foot from where it had been-my mother hadn't turned off the gas all the way, and the stove blew up.
That was the Thanksgiving we all almost died! Wheeeeee!
11/23/09
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also: I misread a sentence somewhere in the third paragraph as "tinsley has the face of a japanese handbag", and I won't say that didn't please me.