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New York, 3:56 PM
Fri Dec 11
55 posts in the last 24 hours

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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of Spirit Fingers Spirit Fingers
    03:38 PM

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Mating Rituals
    I need to know if Ronnie (after a steroid induced, bodily spastic fit of gyrating dry-heave motion on the dance floor, which looked as if you tasered his brain stem while underwater) went home to cry after the Quizno's Sammie starting batting her Genoa ham at the Mike Cop? Because it sure looked like he went home, took off his Ed Hardly shirt, and flopped on the bed in a good old fashioned sob-out.
     Reply
    Spirit Fingers was starred Spirit Fingers was unstarred
    Image of Brian Moylan Brian Moylan
    03:41 PM

    @Spirit Fingers: I think that Sammi's new nick name is Quizno's. After all, she's been browned like their sandwiches, she's cheap, and you'd only eat her if there is nothing else around.
     Reply
    Brian Moylan was starred Brian Moylan was unstarred
    Image of TriedandTrue TriedandTrue
    03:49 PM

    @Spirit Fingers: That's how I knew it was a serious situation for Ronnie - because the shirt came off as soon as he stepped out of the club. Angry Man Walking
     Reply
    TriedandTrue was starred TriedandTrue was unstarred
    Image of marin79 marin79
    03:14 PM

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Mating Rituals
    I also loved when the Situation and Sami were talking before her date & the whole time he was posing shirtless on the bed like he was in a Playgirl spread circa 1985!
     Reply
    marin79 was starred marin79 was unstarred
    Image of TriedandTrue TriedandTrue
    03:24 PM

    @marin79: That's 'cause he does not care, he can get any girl he wants, he doesn't need no Sammy SoSo. As a matter of a fact - he's got TWO girls in the hot tub right now, waiting on the Situation because that is what the Situation is right now. (Note how he didn't mention that one of those girls was Snooki!)
     Reply
    TriedandTrue was starred TriedandTrue was unstarred
    Image of overunderover overunderover
    03:12 PM

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Mating Rituals
    The only thing that could make this show more compelling is if one of those Orange Men acted on their obvious latent homosexuality. That crescendo could, perhaps, be unparalleled.
     Reply
    overunderover was starred overunderover was unstarred
    Image of Unsolicited Advice Unsolicited Advice
    03:20 PM

    @overunderover:

    It feels like MTV made a pact with Devo in the 1980's about their social theories and now one side is being forced to deliver on the terms of the bet. Ideally, "Mongoloid" would just play on a loop throughout every episode.
     Reply
    Unsolicited Advice was starred Unsolicited Advice was unstarred
    Image of overunderover overunderover
    03:25 PM

    @Unsolicited Advice: Ha!

    We're clearly watching de-evolution before our very eyes. This much is true.
     Reply
    overunderover was starred overunderover was unstarred
    Image of FitnessMadeSimple FitnessMadeSimple
    03:28 PM

    @overunderover: I hadn't thought of it until reading your comment, but now that you mention it, I'm pretty sure the situation is that The Situation has a thing for Ronnie. Have you noticed he doesn't get mad at Ronnie for being with Sammi? Ever! This is not normal. Guys always get angry at other guys who hook up with girls they want, regardless of whether or not they have a shot. Instead, he's angry at Sammi...clearly, because he really wants Ronnie and is jealous of HER.
     Reply
    FitnessMadeSimple was starred FitnessMadeSimple was unstarred
    Image of manchops manchops
    03:46 PM

    @overunderover: Ah yes, when will the world change and straight men will realize that by getting it on with each other in a hot tub in front of women, they will in fact turn on those women even more!

    Do you hear me Donnie and The Situation? MAKE OUT IN THE FREAKIN HOT TUB ALREADY!

    sorry...
     Reply
    manchops was starred manchops was unstarred
    Image of saralapua saralapua
    03:07 PM

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Mating Rituals
    I'm from the dam Jersey shore and I feel like a befuddled anthropologist watching this show. Fascinating specimens. Fascinating.
     Reply
    TruthBeTold promoted this comment saralapua was starred saralapua was unstarred
    Image of sweet_communist sweet_communist
    03:01 PM

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Mating Rituals
    I said it last night, but I'd like to reiterate that Sammi's and Ronnie's sad efforts to make each other jealous struck me as the version of "The Gift of the Magi" for hapless idiots.
     Reply
    Brian Moylan promoted this comment sweet_communist was starred sweet_communist was unstarred
    Image of FitnessMadeSimple FitnessMadeSimple
    03:00 PM

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Mating Rituals
    This could make for a great (read: dangerous) drinking game. Take a shot every time you hear the word "situation." If you can make it through an entire episode, I'll be impressed.
     Reply
    FitnessMadeSimple was starred FitnessMadeSimple was unstarred
    Image of restless restless
    02:57 PM

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Mating Rituals
    Sidduation is starting to grow on me! "Half-assed firecracker". Gold!
     Reply
    Brian Moylan promoted this comment Edited by restless at 12/11/09 2:57 PM restless was starred restless was unstarred
    Image of FitnessMadeSimple FitnessMadeSimple
    03:05 PM

    @restless: Me too. He is a horrible human being, but he is so unintentionally funny.

    And I almost feel bad for him. He is failing so hard at maintaining his "I don't care about Ronnie and Sammi, I experienced her and I can get any girl I want" attitude, it's like watching a two-legged poodle try to gum a rhino to death.
     Reply
    FitnessMadeSimple was starred FitnessMadeSimple was unstarred
    Image of TriedandTrue TriedandTrue
    03:09 PM

    @restless: He is by far my favorite on this show with DJ Paulie Drama making a strong second place finish this week. I love the Situation's quips but more love his macho proclaimations that immediately get undermined by the sad, lonely look on his face that follows his macho statements.
     Reply
    TriedandTrue was starred TriedandTrue was unstarred
    Image of cpjones cpjones
    02:52 PM

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Mating Rituals
    You left out the important information that dearest Trash Bags admitted to previously meeting and sleeping with The Situation before the show. This might be why she ragged on him for having gray hairs when the rest of the cast couldn't give an F if she left or not. [www.usmagazine.com] the show was kind of lame compared to the stellar premiere. The fact that Snooki and the Situation made out sloppily in the hot tub and then asks him to F*** me up the F****** A******, but nothing is shown of their pursuits between one another after that is vastly disappointing and reeks of MTV seemingly cleaning up the debauchery somewhat. We didn't even get a simple, "No thx Snooks, I need another Oompa Loompa hookup instead, bye" from the Sitz either.
     Reply
    Edited by cpjones at 12/11/09 2:53 PM cpjones was starred cpjones was unstarred
    Image of HollyQE2 HollyQE2
    03:01 PM

    @cpjones: Yes - and how many times did she deny this before admitting it?? What is the point of denying it, watching a clip of yourself denying it, denying it some more and repeatedly calling the other person a complete liar, and then when the attention starts to fade away from you, finally admitting it....

    Oh. Never mind.
     Reply
    Brian Moylan promoted this comment HollyQE2 was starred HollyQE2 was unstarred
    Image of TriedandTrue TriedandTrue
    03:06 PM

    @cpjones: Just the awkward laugh in his narrative - which really said it all
     Reply
    TriedandTrue was starred TriedandTrue was unstarred
    Image of hollygirl hollygirl
    02:49 PM

    In reply to 'This Is the Crusade': Leaked Scientology Video Features the Voice of Bart Simpson
    eat my shorts!! The lady who talks about getting "verklempt" ( these nuts should not be allowed access to yiddish) seems so close to a nervous breakdown...
     Reply
    hollygirl was starred hollygirl was unstarred
    Image of Unsolicited Advice Unsolicited Advice
    02:49 PM

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Mating Rituals
    So we've got overcompensating boys being begged and goaded by these women to be fucked as hard as humanly possible. They'll do anything - anything! - to get those putative men to break them in savage, pleasurable ways. Everyone involved wants to be or mate with a bull, and the end result is a whole lot of truly unsatisfying emotional suppression manifesting in grunts and culminating in frustrated face-punching.

    That angry-looking, drunken asshole punching that shrieking harpy in the face happened because nobody at the Jersey Shore likes themselves or each other enough to have sex, to say nothing of forming a relationship. It's the other end of the resolution path to an endless mating dance of catchphrases and abdominals that ends in - at best - masturbation. Let's just rename "Armani Exchange" to "Kabuki Kostumes" and laugh at all the silly low-sperm-count orange people's secret tears until an actual culture finally destroys our (America) inexplicable stranglehold on international entertainment.
     Reply
    Edited by Unsolicited Advice at 12/11/09 2:50 PM Unsolicited Advice was starred Unsolicited Advice was unstarred
    Image of resipsaloquacious resipsaloquacious
    03:36 PM

    @Unsolicited Advice:

    It's safe to assume you are intent on being the turd in the punch bowl for every Jersey Shore commenting thread, yes?
     Reply
    resipsaloquacious was starred resipsaloquacious was unstarred
    Image of Unsolicited Advice Unsolicited Advice
    03:47 PM

    @resipsaloquacious:

    We weren't cool with Tucker Max, but we're cool with this. It's the same thing. Discuss.
     Reply
    Unsolicited Advice was starred Unsolicited Advice was unstarred
    Image of Swifter Swifter
    02:49 PM

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Mating Rituals
    These people would make for excellent conscripts into the Navy.
     Reply
    Swifter was starred Swifter was unstarred
    Image of FitnessMadeSimple FitnessMadeSimple
    02:48 PM

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Mating Rituals
    "You guys are such pervs," demured Snooki, who peered out from beneath the brim of her "Pornstar in Training" hat.
     Reply
    FitnessMadeSimple was starred FitnessMadeSimple was unstarred
    Image of ms_priestypants ms_priestypants
    02:52 PM

    @FitnessMadeSimple: While dousing herself in KY and fellating a pickle.
     Reply
    ms_priestypants was starred ms_priestypants was unstarred
    Image of belltolls belltolls
    02:48 PM

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Mating Rituals
    Ronnie dances like Elaine.
     Reply
    belltolls was starred belltolls was unstarred
    Image of TriedandTrue TriedandTrue
    03:03 PM

    @belltolls: And seriously - in that dance circle, other than Vinny, who were those other dudes??? Did they make new friends already? Haven't they only been there two days? And why was it all dudes? Where did all Vinny's ladies go? Did the tie scare them away from Mr. Classy? So many questions!
     Reply
    TriedandTrue was starred TriedandTrue was unstarred
    Image of ms_priestypants ms_priestypants
    02:46 PM

    In reply to Jersey Shore: Mating Rituals
    How did I miss Snookie saying that? And how could you tell what she was saying since I imagine it just sounded like "I want you to bleeeep bleeeep bleep in bleeeeep"?
     Reply
    Edited by ms_priestypants at 12/11/09 2:47 PM ms_priestypants was starred ms_priestypants was unstarred
    Image of Brian Moylan Brian Moylan
    02:52 PM

    @ms_priestypants: That's what it sounded like, but they gave us a nice subtitle, so it was easy to figure out.
     Reply
    Brian Moylan was starred Brian Moylan was unstarred
    Image of sweet_communist sweet_communist
    02:57 PM

    @ms_priestypants: I missed that, too, but I noticed that Brian quoted it (without context) in last night's thread. I naturally assumed that he was merely dispensing with coyness and asking the commenters to show him some love.
     Reply
    Brian Moylan promoted this comment sweet_communist was starred sweet_communist was unstarred
    Image of Brian Moylan Brian Moylan
    03:02 PM

    @sweet_communist: When coming from me, kind of talk is reserved for Cheyenne Jackson.

    Our friends over at Jezebel have a clip for the curious.
     Reply
    Brian Moylan was starred Brian Moylan was unstarred
    Image of snugbug snugbug
    03:11 PM

    @Brian Moylan: Hey Brian, can I lobby for @sweet_communist to get a star on Gawker? She's primo Gawker material and my only girl-crush on Jezebel. Just a wee bit of nepotism never hurt anyone, yes?
     Reply
    snugbug was starred snugbug was unstarred
    Image of ms_priestypants ms_priestypants
    03:23 PM

    @snugbug: I also support this. But I"m sad I have to register to comment on Jezebel, that part gets a big boo.
     Reply
    ms_priestypants was starred ms_priestypants was unstarred
    Image of ms_priestypants ms_priestypants
    03:23 PM

    @Brian Moylan: I saw your all caps exclamation but I thought you were just 'mo-ing out.
     Reply
    Edited by ms_priestypants at 12/11/09 3:24 PM ms_priestypants was starred ms_priestypants was unstarred
    Image of ms_priestypants ms_priestypants
    03:29 PM

    @Brian Moylan: I just watched it. Wow. That Shnickiz is a real lady.
     Reply
    ms_priestypants was starred ms_priestypants was unstarred
    Image of ms_priestypants ms_priestypants
    03:38 PM

    @Brian Moylan: Not to be overly dramatic, but I think what we are seeing in Snookie is the inevitable result when a young girl is raised by a Girls Gone Wild video, Maxim, and a Von Dutch hat. She becomes a parody of femininity and her self-loathing is so internalized as to pop out externally and become her personality. Everything she does is designed, and cunningly, to attract the male gaze and simultaneously cause herself as much shame as possible. Even when she has tried to shut her mind off with alcohol she still begs to be humiliated as explicitly as possible, all in the hopes that someone will like her even a little bit, or just not hate her as much as she hates herself. It's like permanent puberty with bronzer and cameras.
     Reply
    ms_priestypants was starred ms_priestypants was unstarred
    Image of NigelAstydameia NigelAstydameia
    02:29 PM

    In reply to 'This Is the Crusade': Leaked Scientology Video Features the Voice of Bart Simpson
    And people wonder why people make fun of LA?
     Reply
    NigelAstydameia was starred NigelAstydameia was unstarred
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