Instagram, the official social media platform of nipplephobes, doesn't know what it's missing. Chelsea Handler isn't even trying to post her topless photos there anymore—she's already tried thrice, and thrice did they refuse. Now she's taking them straight to Twitter, where she's appreciated, goddammit.

Chelsea Handler's bare breasts were on Instagram for roughly half an hour Thursday night after she shared a topless photo of herself riding a horse.

It's Monday, and the world is an unforgiving nightmare, so here's some schadenfreude to lighten your day: at a rally held in France by the often-topless feminist group Femen, a riot gear-clad cop totally beefed while trying apprehend the sprinting horde of bare-chested ladies.

Quelle dommage! French women, known by Americans as our freewheeling sisters who let their feminist flags fly free, have stopped wanting to reveal so much of their skin while sunbathing a la plage. That's right—French beaches are becoming boob-free.

Everyone, apparently. Recently relaunched French Playboy equivalent Lui, currently having fun describing itself as "mysterious," made the bold/lucrative decision to put Ri Ri's tatas on the cover of its seventh issue. It's now having trouble keeping its website up.

The nearly-naked woman who destroyed a McDonald's kitchen in Pinellas Park, Florida wasn't drunk or on drugs when she did it, and says she doesn't remember most of her rampage.

A Florida woman wearing nothing but a thong rampaged through a St. Petersburg McDonald's Monday, banging her head on the counter and then attempting to take apart the kitchen with her bare hands. Eventually, she chilled out by eating soft-serve straight out of the machine.

While visiting Germany today, Russian President Vladimir Putin was confronted by a topless protester from the organization Femen. This is the face he made in response. Here's a GIF:

We've seen the royal duchess Kate Middleton's naked top and we've seen her bare bottom too.

Let's take a break from Black Friday and the crumbling of American society. Instead, let's look at an image of a singer Photoshopped so that she appears topless. The singer in question is Rihanna, whose most recent album cover features a partially topless photo of her with various words and phrases scribbled over her…

What is the female equivalent of "dong shot"? Whatever it is, we need it for these new photos of Kate Middleton, published in Danish tabloid Se Og Hor. Between those recent topless shots and now these bottomless ones, you've now basically seen Kate Middleton naked! Click through for the pictures.

French magazine Closer just published some photos of Kate Middleton sunbathing topless while "staying at the French chateau of the Queen's nephew, Lord Linley — making it now two royal nudie picture scandals in three weeks. Click though for some NSFW scans.

To prove just how rich and famous and European she is, Kate Moss is currently on vacation in the south of France and jumped off a yacht—topless. Over there, it's nothing major, but in puritanical America this is horribly scandalous. Toplessness! In public! How dare you!

Here's a new picture of a bare-chested Anthony Weiner, which a young woman says he emailed her on May 20, 2011. If you look closely, you can see Weiner and his wife, Huma Abedin, cuddling in a picture in the background. You can also see Weiner with Bill Clinton in the picture over his left shoulder. If only Weiner had…

A woman in Italy was questioned by police after a mother complained that her two teenage sons were "troubled" by the sight of her naked boobies on the beach. Perhaps "troubled" is the wrong word. How about "turned on"?

How did these stay under wraps so long? This week Star magazine unveils "eight never-before-seen graphic photos" taken by an old Angelina Jolie drug buddy. She wears tape on her nipples, a dog leash, and smokes heroin. Updated with pics!

Ever since Kim Kardashian displaced Paris Hilton as America's most sought-after celebutante, poor Paris has struggled to redefine her niche. Reduced now to selling nudie pics to News of the World, will Paris bounce back—or fall flat?

It's amazing that in America, people get all uptight when Miley Cyrus poses in a sheet, but in France, 51-year-old Sharon Stone can show off her magnificently-preserved bosom on the cover of a magazine. Stupid Puritans.