Madonna explains what she looks for in a lover. Cuba Gooding's gay makeout partner speaks. Mariah Carey doesn't feel pretty unless she can "feel my bones." Kim Kardashian's former publicist stabs in her the back. Thursday gossip tells all.

Jen pulls an Angelina and lands a man. Selena Gomez pulls a Lohan and pleads "exhaustion." Pregnant Tori Spelling's paparazzi car crash. Liza Minnelli's fabulous yard sale. Tuesday gossip keeps its eye on the prize.

Donna Martin graduates... to a new house! One-time actress turned low-budget reality TV star and scorned daughter Tori Spelling is selling her Encino, CA mansion for a cool $3.2 million. This is like the hundredth house she's lived in over the past few years, maybe because moving to a new house is such good plot…

Katy Perry's mom writes a memoir about her daughter's dirty pillows. Chris Brown's neighbors hate him. Matt Damon on the transitive property of kissing. Prince William cuts water sports from his bachelor party. Monday gossip is damned.

Today the cosmos align and the calendrical system itself bows down before the greatness that is, was, and forever shall be, Beverly Hills, 90210. On this most hallowed day, 9/02/10, we celebrate with memories of that perpetually troubled original posse.

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag's Sex Tape Will Feature pre- and post-op Heidi. Lindsay Lohan can't exercise. Real Housewives of New Jersey blow-up! Saturday Gossip Round-up is part of the problem.

As the Winslet-Mendes marriage fell apart, Kate "freaked out" over her Mendes-directed sex scenes with Leonardo. Snooki on sobering up in jail: "It happens to the best of us." Tuesday gossip is a matter of opinion.

Lindsay Lohan's new girlfriend used to be an Israeli soldier; Khloe Kardashian vacuums up a snake; Paris hilton is OK. Melissa Etheridge's ex writes sad blog poetry. Your Fourth of July gossip roundup is full of all-American lesbian drama.

Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green's second engagement is off to a rocky start. Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus get new tattoos. Farrah Fawcett's ghost barges in on Tori Spelling's psychic reading. Thursday gossip has no manners.

Is Betty White's burgeoning sex scandal too strange to be true, or too out-of-the-blue to be untrue? Miley Cyrus says she's not "slutty." Perez Hilton says his Miley Cyrus upskirt wasn't kid porn. Wednesday's gossip roundup is open to interpretation.

Tom Cruise wants to be the next Fred Astaire, with Katie his Ginger Rogers. Lohan returns. Jesse James sells some stuff on eBay. Bret MIchaels risks his life for reality television. Sunday's Gossip Round up requires three double-A batteries.

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon renewed their vows earlier this week, and now Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott are are planning on doing it. Someone please put an end to this!

Naomi Watts handing over some spare change to a panhandler ... Mischa Barton walking her dog ... America Ferrera walking to her trailer on the set of Ugly Betty ... Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott leaving ABC studios in Times Square ... Sarah Jessica Parker walking in the Village ... Mariska Hargitay filming scenes…

David Duchovny getting into a Town Car on the Upper East Side ... James Gandolfini walking into Barneys on Madison Avenue with his son ... Catherine Zeta-Jones leaving her apartment building ... Glenn Close walking her dogs ... Ashlee Simpson showing up at a hair salon in the meatpacking district ... Sharon Osbourne …

• Remember last week when Lindsay Lohan announced that she'd "saved" a bunch of kids in India from becoming victims of child trafficking? Yea, well, it seems she wasn't even in the country yet when that happened, at least according to according to a leading social activist in New Delhi, who has since filed a…

Lindsay Lohan tries to explain her adventures in fashion. Britney Spears receives a dubious award. Joe Francis has no backbone. And we feel bad for Leona Lewis. Yes, it's your Thursday morning gossip roundup. It's it's chock full of nuts!

Tilda Swinton and Donald Trump fighting. So are Tori Spelling and Star. And, yes, even Gore Vidal and Ed Koch. But at least there's some love: Heidi Klum and Seal had baby number four. Welcome to your Tuesday gossip roundup!

Reality TV stars artfully bare their souls on camera and in the tabloids, and even better, they do it all without a script. But a TV show is only the first step to building a brand, and now countless pseudo-celebs are milking their 15 minutes and peddling products that you couldn't possibly live without. (Or so they…