You're never going to believe what he's about to do. Also today: a TBS show gets canceled, an ABC show gets ordered, a SATC alum movie gets a distribution deal, and a sitcom star has an unfortunate accident.

The increasingly important festival is in scramble mode after a customer at the main venue for their 9/9-9/19 movie party complained about bedbug bites. How'd they get there? Well, the Degrassi kids were just in New York. Filthy teens.

It's not an international film festival without an international filmmakers' protest, and the first one of the season kicked off today, as a star-studded list put their e-John Hancocks to a statement protesting the Toronto's Fest's "Spotlight on Tel Aviv."

Though Roger Ebert would rather his thwacking at the hands of Lou Lumenick be forgotten, it seems that New York Post readers aren't as quick to forgive. Lumenick's last Toronto Film Festival update neglects to mention the incident (instead focusing on an Anne Hathaway/Keira Knightley Oscar showdown), but every…

It wasn't just the Lumenick/Ebert skirmish that took nearly a week to reach the states via specially trained Canadian gossip pigeons. Now we're learning more about the fire that threatened Burn After Reading co-star Brad Pitt at his hotel in Toronto — or perhaps "threatened" is too strong a word. Maybe "damaged an…

TIFF Tiff Update! Via MCN, we've learned that Roger Ebert has posted to his blog regarding the now-notorious thwacking he received at the hands of NY Post critic Lou Lumenick. Titled "An Incident at Toronto," Ebert confirms the NY Daily News account of the dustup, but adds that he wishes it had never been made…

After a battle with thyroid and salivary gland cancer sidelined Roger Ebert and left him without part of his jawbone and unable to speak, he bravely returned to his post as film critic for the Chicago Sun-Times last year, an inspiring feat that could warm the hearts of anyone in the film industry. Anyone, that is,…

With his director newly flush after offloading Che during the Toronto Film Festival, did Benicio Del Toro defer to Steven Soderbergh's tipping largesse during a shared men's room visit? Is that the single stupidest question we've ever posed? Either way, there's more, reports the National Post:

With most of the industry having seen what it came for and Jeremy Piven having released his date(s) back into the Canadian wild, the 2008 Toronto Film Festival is all but over. But, as befits the event's stature, the whirlwind since our last Toronto Hell round-up deserves a closer look — from the Paris Hilton doc…

At the Toronto Film Festival screening of Che, beloved actress Rachel McAdams served as the unofficial ambassador of her native country, Canada. She got the idea when she remembered all of the difficulties she had adjusting to American customs and culture on the set of The Hot Chick in 2002. As she sees it, McAdams'…

There's only so much of the Toronto Film Festival's flavor and clusterfucky pageantry we can deduce from our workstation deep in the Defamer Salt Mines, but until the State Department restores our passports to good standing and we get that furlough we've been promised since mid-2005, we're happy to defer to our…

The Toronto Film Festival is right about at its midway point — an essential milestone from which to take stock of noteworthy developments and drama that we couldn't help but watch smolder from Defamer HQ. And while some of our principal plotlines either have yet to unwind (Paris and her doc show up tomorrow) or were…

Deadliest Catch star Philip Seymour Hoffman just returned to solid land after being out to sea for a few months catching crabs. Hoffman arrived just in time to partake in the Toronto Film Festival and was looking forward to watching some movies. Hoffman said, "As long as it doesn't involve fish, fishing or the ocean,…

The tension at the Toronto Film Festival press conference for the film The Duchess was so thick and juicy that it could be cut with a bread knife. When asked what it was like to work with her co-star Ralph Fiennes, Keira Knightley mistakenly called him "Ralph", instead of the preferred pronunciation "Rafe". Fiennes…

Bucking the latest Hollywood fad, hunky indie film star Mark Ruffalo carried his own luggage after he landed in Toronto. The Brothers Bloom star is in town for the annual film festival and felt that carrying his own luggage was the normal thing to do. Ruffalo said, "It's my stuff. It's my wife's stuff. So, why make…

The Toronto International Film Festival didn't wait until today's kick-off to find its first controversy: Rumors hit last weekend that Paris Hilton's camp is hustling behind the scenes to derail the world premiere of the all-access documentary Paris, Not France. Early word was that the Hilton clan in general was…

The forthcoming Bill Maher/Larry Charles satirical doc Religulous has been on Lionsgate's release calendar for what seems like forever; we remember seeing teaser posters for it at last year's Toronto International Film Festival, where it was recently announced as a world premiere this year. Confusing! But not as…