The Obama administration has relaxed several rules on doing business with Cuba, which will help to bring more Americans to the island that is already overflowing with Europeans telling American reporters “The Americans are coming, so we wanted to see it before it changes.”
Egyptian Forces Mistake Tour Group for Terrorists, Kill 12
12 people were killed and 10 more were injured on Sunday when Egyptian anti-terror forces attacked a Mexican tourist convoy they believed to be militants, Reuters reports.
New Hot Dog Hero Continues Grand NYC Tradition of Overcharging Tourists
If you feared that your hero, the $30 hot dog guy, had been defeated by the forces of Mayor Lex “Bill DeBlasio” Luthor, dry your tears. Although Ahmed Mohammed lost his job selling $30 wieners and priceless life lessons (same thing) to tourists near Ground Zero, a new hero has risen to take his place.
OK--Swedish People Run New York Now--That's How It Is?--I'm Shocked
Is this real life? Here I am in New York “Fuckin” City, the roughest as well as toughest city that never sleeps—not even for a minute. Well maybe all of that insomnia is getting to us because—what’s this?—Swedish tourists are the “tough guys” here now?
Hey, Tourists, Fuggedabout Brooklyn—Come and Ruin Queens Instead
As the New York Times style section dutifully tackles health goth, and while the land of 1,000 babies sees the closure of its beloved artisan tea shop, something BIG is afoot in a different borough. It's Queens. You ever heard of it? You know the one. It's over there, fresh for the wrecking.
SNL and Charlize Theron Perfectly Imitate the Confused Tourists of NYC
Millions (millions) of tourists visit New York City every year. And every day New Yorkers must make the shrewd calculation to either acknowledge or direct tourists on their paths to Times Square and beyond, or to straight up ignore them.
War On Jingle Bells: Bill de Blasio Ending NYC's Horse-Drawn Carriages
Incoming New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has already horrified everyone with his bizarre hatred of walkable pedestrian plazas, but his war on anything that's not a car is just beginning. According to the Daily News, de Blasio announced today that he will "get rid of the horse carriages. Period."
"Hard-core fans say they are content to brave the low temperatures." Motherfuckers are still lining up for cronuts.
Duck Boat Fire Causes Tourists to Jump into the Thames
30 people had to be rescued from a Duck Tour boat in the river Thames on Sunday after the “amphibious bus” caught fire right outside the Houses of Parliament in London. Many of the 28 passengers had to jump into the water to escape the flames.
American Tourist Breaks Finger Off 600-Year-Old Italian Statue
There are a few basic rules in museums. The first, and most important, is: don't touch the art. Unfortunately, that's just what one 55-year-old American tourist from Missouri did during a recent a recent visit to Florence's Museo dell'Opera del Duomo. The result? A 600-year-old statue lost a finger.
Happy Tourists Catch Rare Octopus, Beat it to Death, and Eat it
An American family vacationing in Greece recently enjoyed a subdued, respectful trip abroad and returned to the United States without brutally killing and eating everything that wandered into their path. Just kidding. That will never happen. We're a hungry people! An American family vacationing in Greece recently…
Suicide Closes Notre Dame In Paris, Saddening Many Tourists
The beloved 850-year-old cathedral on Île de la Cité is closed after a man reportedly shot himself inside the historic tourist trap visited by 12 million people a year. The man was an anti-gay marriage fanatic.
Attention Dolphins: Please Stop Coming to New York
Beginning around rush hour on Wednesday, eyewitness reports of a dolphin swimming around New York's East River started trickling in on Twitter. Before noon, local news teams were on the scene at FDR drive. As of Wednesday around 3p.m., he (or she? Dolphins are boys, right?) was still there, swimming around in circles,…
Hot Air Balloon Explosion Kills 19 in Egypt; Worst-Ever Accident of Its Kind
Nineteen tourists are dead and two are injured following a hot air balloon explosion 1,000 feet above Luxor, Egypt. The balloon apparently collided with a high-pressure electrical cable, detonating one of its gas cylinders; as it plummeted to the ground, some passengers leaped out "from about the height of a…
Please, Don't Stand in the Walkway
Do me a favor: do not stand in the walkway. Stand off to the side there. Don't stand right in the middle of the sidewalk. Don't stand right in the middle of the steps. Don't stand right in the middle of the escalator. Don't stand right in the middle of that path, the main one, where everyone is walking.
