Gawker: Tragedy

Even The Cultured Fall Prey To Common Fitness Misconceptions

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 17:14:42 EDT

Illustrious Doubleday book publishing exec Julie Grau takes to the pages of Vogue this month to muse about her "definitive ab-sculpting workout": "On the floor, we pretzel our legs and torque our bodies through an array of exercises that Tanya promises will 'fry the fat off your hips' and get rid of unsightly waistband overhang." Sorry Julie, spot reduction of fat is a myth. I'm surprised you didn't know that. You can read about it in a book. [NYO]

What a Plastic Surgery-Free Michael Jackson Might Look Like

Richard — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 11:46:00 EDT

Accompanying an astoundingly sad-on-all-accounts article about former pop singer Michael Jackson (on forgetting that he's turning 50 years old, not 40: "It all went by so fast, didn't it? I wish I could do it all over again, I really do." Devastating) is an image of what the King of Pop may have looked like had he not had alllll that plastic surgery. It's a well done imagining, a believable cross between Usher and Billy Dee Williams, rather than the ghost of Joan Crawford that you see on the left. A rare vision of one's life had a different turn in the road been taken. Unfortunately, Mr. Jackson, I've not seen your childhood, perhaps it's collecting dust somewhere up in that crumbling personal theme park of yours. But an alternate adulthood? Yes, that's right here. [Mail via LA Rag Mag] Click through for larger image.

I Have Half a Mind to Say Mean Things About This Show

Richard — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 11:58:00 EDT

All right, fine. Everyone and their mother went to the Gossip Girl premiere party in the Hamptons and made fun videos and gurgled at Chace Crawford and I didn't get invited. Josh Schwartz, if you're reading this... you've broken my heart.

Luke Russert to Talk Politics On TV For Some Reason

Pareene — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 16:29:42 EDT

Well, good for Luke Russert. The young son of the late Tim Russert, longtime NBC newsman, just got a job as a political correspondent with NBC. He'll be heading to the conventions to cover "youth issues." Which is shorthand for "bullshit." Seriously, the kid is BU BC class of 2008, his only media experience is looking composed on camera while discussing his father's tragic death and also hosting a satellite radio sports talk show with James Carville (guess how he got that gig!). So... maybe we're just being assholes about it but seriously, NBC, there are a thousand unemployed (or "freelancing!") reporters and journalists out there who might enjoy a cushy on-camera gig! Hell, isn't Gideon Yago available? There's your youth issues! No disrespect intended, of course. Except toward NBC News executives. (Obligatory "this is just like when the Bronx Zoo hired Bindi Irwin" comments commence... now!) [NYO, FishbowlDC. Photo: NYSD]

Jared Paul Stern's Lawyer Needs an Editor

Pareene — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 10:18:38 EDT

Former Page Six gossip Jared Paul Stern famously lost his job when he was accused of trying to extort zillionaire supermarket magnate Ron Burkle. No charges were ever filed. So Jared filed a defamation suit against Burkle—and Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Secret Service agent Frank Renzi, flack Mike Sitrick, and Daily News reporter William Sherman. Bad news, Stern fans: a judge has dismissed the suit. He dismissed it with great prejudice and even a little literary criticism. "A New York State Supreme Court justice trashed Jared Paul Stern's lawsuit in his decision, saying it read more like a 'Mickey Spillane novel' than a carefully argued statement of law." Ouch. James Cain—or even Jim Thompson!—would be one thing, but you really don't want your legal brief reading as ham-fisted as a Mike Hammer book. Is this the end of little Jared? No. No, it is not.

Stern promises to appeal the ruling, first off. Which will be fun. And Stern is still suing his former employers at the New York Post! In Florida. Because Stern's lawyer Larry Klayman is a conservative political activist who keeps suing the Clintons over and over again, so now he's only only allowed to argue cases in Florida, Pennsylvania, and D.C.. Maybe some sun will do Stern good?

And hey, Stern should still look on the bright side. His life may be in shambles, but at least he's not one of the two former Page Six contributors currently in jail for statutory rape or theft. He's not even reduced to writing for Gawker! (Anymore.)

Economy's Innocent Victims: Weird Ads

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 09 May 2008 09:42:05 EDT

Sure, the current dicey economic climate has reduced America to nation of terrified food hoarders. But more importantly, it has cost us some of our annoying and unnecessarily strange advertising icons: Applebee's Wanda Sykes-voiced talking apple, and a bunch of guys running around in bizarre red pigtail wigs on behalf of Wendy's. Take a moment to mourn them. "Both campaigns were meant to attract younger diners," the Times reports. But they failed, because kids aren't doing as many drugs these days, I guess. The companies' new advertising strategy? "Hey, look at our food."

Advertising and restaurant executives point to several reasons that neither campaign was a hit. The bizarre red wig commercials were too much of a departure from Wendy's folksy brand; the apple was not a strong enough image to represent Applebee's. It is unlikely, though, that either one would have been ended so quickly in better economic times.
Instead, both marketers have opted for a more recession-proof approach: glamour shots of food that are intended to make mouths water and prompt consumers to reach for their wallets.

THEY WILL BE MISSED. Wait; no.

[NYT; disclosure: I once worked with Doug Quenqua, author of this article.]

Shepard Fairey, Blind?

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 02 May 2008 17:06:39 EDT

Shepard Fairey, a.k.a. OBEY, the artist and graphic designer who plastered the world with "Andre The Giant Has A Posse" posters and is perhaps the biggest thing ever to happen to wheatpaste, is reportedly going blind. Fast. One source says he could lose his vision by the end of the year. Bucky Turco at Animal NY has the scoop. Sad news.

Man Dies In Shea Stadium Fall

Ryan Tate — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 02:12:21 EDT

"A Mets fan leaving the game lost his balance while descending an escalator at Shea Stadium and plummeted two stories to his death - as his two young daughters watched in horror, authorities said." [Post]

Grammy Awards Produced By Kanye's Late Mother

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 10:22:51 EST

Kanye West is a man who has nobly borne cruel indignities with quiet grace. Like when he stormed the stage of the MTV Europe awards and threw a tantrum because his video that had him "jumping across canyons" wasn't recognized as a masterpiece. That show, of course, lost "credibility" by stiffing him. The Grammys weren't about to take that risk. They gave Kanye an appropriately respectful number of awards, but made the mistake of trying to cut one of his acceptance speeches short with background music. Don't the producers know that his mother just died? That means he will talk as long as he wants, damn the world. Is it just us or... tacky much? The "MAMA" haircut and Mama tribute song probably would have sufficed. Watch his humble appeal to good taste and decide for yourself.