You fool! It was announced yesterday that Werner Herzog's remake of the famous Harvey Kietel peen-flashing crime drama, The Bad Lieutenant, will premiere at the Toronto film festival in September! Lieutenant will be featured along with new films by the Coen Bros and Michael Moore. The original 1992 bad-cop-gets-worse flick is credited for deftly capturing New York's signature 1980's grit and for giving Harvey Keitel his 'Serious Actor' bona fides. The remake doesn't look, uh, as promising.

It features the thespian stylings of rapper/custom car enthusiast Xzibit and includes the line "What? You don't have a lucky crack pipe?" delivered in the mystifying way only Nicolas Cage could. See you in Toronto!

P.S. We're calling shenanigans if we don't see Cage's ween.

The old guard at Defamer simply lurved An Education, the Nick Hornby-penned movie about Carey Mulligan (so affecting in The Seagull on Broadway last year) falling in love with an older, dangerous Peter Sarsgaard (less affecting in that same production.)

It looks like one of those stirring, sentimental-in-the-right-smart-ways, heartachers that always get Oscar buzz but never actually get invited to the big dance. Though, now that there will be a whopping ten Best Picture nominees, maybe this lil' thing will swoop on in.

Speaking of swooping! Here's also a trailer, that's been out a week or so, yes, for Amelia, Mira Nair's misguided-looking biopic of famed aeronautical lesbo-type Amelia Earhart. And who better to play yet another lesbo-type than one Hillary Swank, the worst actress with two Oscars currently working in cinema today? She looks predictably awful in the movie, with an increasingly bedraggled Richard Gere bringing up the rear. The movie is about flying! Of the body and the spirit!

SPOILER ALERT: She dies.

Wow! Remember when Robert DeNiro made this movie? Twice?Nevertheless, I'm feeling this Travis Bickle 2k9 thing! Let's hope that Big Fan avoids the mistake Observe and Report made: cannibalizing its leading man. Patton looks like he has more emotional range than Seth Rogen, so this could be a knockout.

P.S. Has Patton Oswalt ever looked MORE like a butchy-sad lesbian than he does here?

A geek's journey from alienation to empowerment, self-congratulating dialogue, the indie-pop soundtrack, the awful parents who don't "get it" all makes look like typical teen trope. Hmm. What could make it stand out? Maybe Kristen Wiig could show up and mumble her way through another cameo?!

[via Heartless Doll ]

"It's the shit." I'm sorry. [via Adrants]

What with the swooning Arcade Fire song, the lazy, sad late-afternoon sunlight spilling everywhere, and the hand-drawn title cards and all. Jonze is a certified whiz kid director, and there are some striking visuals on display in this trailer, but we're a little wary of just how hip it seems. We knew that one day soon (read: already) kids would be cooler than us, but it happened so fast. Ah well. Judging from this preview, aside from the Urban-Outfitters-for-Kids vibe, we're pretty psyched for this movie.

But we're blaming the whole hipster children phenomenon on these parents, displayed in similarly twee fashion in the trailer for Away We Go, the new indie pregnancy travelogue from Dave Eggers:

It's a funny bit of luck that Michael Mann's Public Enemies (already getting some decent very early reviews) is set to bow at a time when everyone hates financial institutions and longs for a Depression-era Robin Hood to rob from the rich and give to the... well, give to himself. But still. The new trailer for the film makes us think three things: 1) Mann's stylishness looks a little weird in period. 2) Marion Cotillard has a funny voice (insightful!) and 3) How nice it is to see Johnny Depp in sorta-regular clothes, with no makeup, acting like a real person.

So as the repo men begin to circle your farm and you tell your boy to run on inside and get the shotgun because no English sonofabitch is gonna come and take yer granddaddy's land out from under you, unpaid debts be damned, you can at least remember that soon this anti-bank revenge fantasy will be upon us. Let's hope it does better than the last one.

The spot now makes little to no sense in glorious HD — polished sound, picture and Shia. The product placement is sharper, and when Megan Fox shrieks, it's just like the night before she slapped us with our restraining order. It's uncanny. And anyway, if Bay doesn't deserve at least three minutes of your consideration on President's Day, we really don't know who does. Enjoy! Again!

• 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen' - Official HD Trailer [YouTube]

With the tighter confines of a New York City subway car to contain him, Travolta has downgraded his Parisian bazooka for a more conveniently terrorizing handgun. And as the heavily tattooed hijacker to Denzel Washington's transit worker-turned-crisis negotiator, he's surrendered the adorable leather-daddy exterior we had hoped he'd maintain for at least a few more roles. Alas, the savagery is complete. As for the rest, we're still not convinced the 1974 original required a visit from the End of Ideas fairy, but who can say really say no to Tony Scott? Oh. Well, give it a look anyway.

• 'The Taking Of Pelham 123' [YouTube]

Obvious as it is, there's always room for amazement watching what a few creative edits, realignments and tweaks can do to a story. And the shorter the piece (a two-and-a-half-minute trailer, for example) the more jarring the impact: Slashing a few dirty jokes here and there has diminished first impressions of Observe from those of a ribald, radical dark comedy of insecurity to more of a mopey, emasculated Rogen dramedy. Sure, it withholds some gags you'd probably want saved for the theater. The downside, naturally, is that who's to say this would get you to the theater if you didn't know better?

Which of course gets us into the nature of what a trailer should or shouldn't do, etc. etc. Debate that one among yourselves (the original, NSFW red-band trailer is below), but at least give Observe and Report some credit going forward: At least there's no Segway.

• 'Observe and Report' [MySpace]

Basically because it looks like Grindhouse Goes to Europe, which is really dismaying. All splatter and camp and nothing else. I liked Death Proof and all, but since Tarantino movies don't come along all that often, it left me wanting more. As for Basterds, obviously this is just a very early trailer, and more substance probably lurks beneath the lurching metal n' blood surface, but for right now I'm decidedly less than thrilled. Remember that glimmer of deeper meaning at the end of Kill Bill Vol. 2? I was kind of hoping for something like that.

Looks like instead we'll get a weird Hitler joke, Brad Pitt doing what Brad Pitt does marginally well, and that smug BJ Novak looking smug. I'd ask someone to wipe that look off his face, but I think it'd require the actual removal of his entire face.

Watch above and judge for yourselves.

The trailer above is just a sampling of the vaguely lesbionic tussling that can be found in Polanski's short film Greed, which is exclusively showing over at Dazed Digital. The project is the latest work from artist Francesco Vezzoli, who's known for creating trailers, premieres, and now a perfume ad for products that don't actually exist (you may remember his fake coming attraction for a Caligula remake starring Courtney Love, Benicio del Toro, and Helen Mirren). Finally, we've found a plausible explanation of the trailer for Crank 2: High Voltage!

• Francesco Vezzoli's Greed Online Premiere [Dazed Digital via E!]

Sure, you've got Anna Faris refining dizzy drunkenness to almost molecular purity and a fearlessly multi-ethnic showcase led by Aziz Anzari's brown-dick rejoinders. That's funny, but Rogen seems to have more substantial motivations than love and duty, and higher ambitions than retail rectitude. "The world needs a fucking hero," he growls, and we believe him, if only because of the existential terror anchoring every gag here. Who'd argue? Keep your $100 million and your script-ownership issues, Paul Blart; violent, cold-blooded, pitch-black revenge is no doubt the future of mall-security cinema. [YouTube]

The new trailer for Ghosts hardly suggests McConaughey's latest signature genre effort is 200 times better than Surfer, Dude. Or even one time better, really, instead smashing convention boilerplate — successful, recalcitrant cad meets match (Jennifer Garner) en route to star-crossed matrimony — into A Christmas Carol, complete with dead playboy (Michael Douglas) and three ghostly girlfriends to help shepherd... oh, for Christ's sake. Here. Here's the fucking trailer — this year's reductive model, the movie you'll be lip-reading five months from now when the passenger next to you in coach leaves the seat-back monitor on before falling asleep, the Talk! Of! Access Hollywood! for five minutes in late April, and very likely the first film to keep Violet Affleck up at night wondering what Daddy meant when he yelled all that stuff at Mommy about "slumming." They grow up so fast.

Or maybe it symbolizes something more significant to you (the continued flogging of New Line's corpse?); we're open to any interpretations you have. Fire away. [YouTube]

The story of two teenage girls brutalized by a gang of prison escapees — who in turn are brutalized by one of the girl's parents after coincidentally stopping in at their nearby house and giving their game away — was part commentary on Vietnam's defilement of the '60s, part remake of Ingmar Bergman's The Virgin Spring and all blood-drenched, eye-popping exploitation legend. Not so much now, where the product placements in the kitchen alone probably covered the make-up budget.

But so what? We'll have a look anyway and are already anticipating the sequel Next to Last House on the Left, in which Axl Rose exacts his own revenge on the coffeehouse chanteuse raping Sweet Child o' Mine in the trailer's second half. [YouTube]

The Japanese voiceover ends an extra veneer of exoticism to a clip that heavily illustrates Watchmen's setting: an alternate, more fantastical version of the real world. Thus, there's a strong emphasis on movie president du jour Richard Nixon (winner of a fictional third term after irritant journalist David Frost was blown apart by the incredible power of Billy Crudup's blue wang) and even a shot implicating Watchmen antihero The Comedian in the death of JFK. Plus: Old Carla Gugino! More shots of Malin Ackerman's crime-fighting Skipper hair! Enjoy this footage of a movie that Fox will release straight to DVD in the year 2016. [Watchmen Movie]

Just don't expect the class we gleaned from star Jason Statham's winning Bank Job poster, nor the style attributed to even the worst trailers to ever appear in this space. This is essentially The Transporter splattered through the prism of Jackass, sweetly saturated with the lowbrow miracles of sex, violence, nudity, language and Corey Haim's mullet. Amy Smart's nipple tape, alas, did not make the cut. Say what you will (assuming you can get through all two-and-a-half minutes), but we can't believe Josh Brolin would throw these filmmakers off his next project.

• NSFW: 'Crank 2' Movie Trailer [/film]

But that's no reason not to be intrigued by the newly released teaser for 9, a feature-length expansion of Shane Acker's Oscar-nominated 2005 short that boasts both men as producers and Elijah Wood, Jennifer Connelly, John C. Reilly and Crispin Glover as the voices of dolls threatened by some toy-hungry winged evil. The spirit implied here is that of the unlikely wasteland savior immortalized in WALL-E, yet without the cooing and didacticism; instead, enjoy the elevator-rock soundtrack entitling the title character to a more bombastic self-discovery of the fledgling Burton/Bekmambetov ilk. Not bad, but we'll still take take Delgo any day.

• '9' [YouTube]

As such, Wild Hogs will likely remain your deeply-closeted Travolta benchmark for at least another year, while Paris — with its Euro-tweaking, epithet-spewing buddy-cop pretext — will settle in nicely with the Freedom Fries crowd eager to see a Renault blown to hell. Also: Did Don LaFontaine record a year's worth of trailers before he passed away, or were all those obituaries just premature?

• 'From Paris With Love' - Teaser [YouTube]

Or does it? The X-Men series has always crackled with homoerotic subtext, and in its battle between Jackman's hero and Liev Schreiber's Sabretooth, Wolverine adds a titanic clash of warring, super-powerful bears not seen since the beer bust ended far too early at Faultline. Oh, and there's also Gambit, Ryan Reynolds, and what we think is a young version of Halle Berry's Storm. It looks as dark as we'd been promised, though we suppose there's always time for Fox head Tom Rothman to add a CGI Anna Paquin swinging through some vines.

• X-Men Origins: Wolverine’ Movie Trailer Debuts Online: Gambit, Sabretooth And More Logan [MTV]