Teenage Floridian Vanessa Gibbs missed her plane ride home from Norfolk, Va. the other day because her purse featured a gun-shaped applique that TSA agents deemed illegal as a "replica" gun. Commence adding bold western wear to your list of "TSA-banned fashions," underneath snake pants and hummingbird pants.
It's been a while since we last heard about a loaded gun slipping past the watchful eyes and groping, toy-taking hands of TSA's diaper-busting agents and making it onto an airplane. We thought that maybe the agency had patched up that minor security breach issue, or something. Nope!
As part of the TSA's efforts to stop black women from always trying to board airplanes with their hairdos full of explosives and boxcutters, an agent at Atlanta's airport made Dallas-based hairstylist Isis Brantley submit to a thorough Afro search. And a free head massage! Security checkpoints are the new spas.
Important travel info(!!!): When Transportation Security Administration agents grope and grab your or your baby's body parts at airport security checkpoints, they're protecting America from terrorism. When prospective airplane passengers grope and grab TSA agents' body parts, it's felony sexual abuse.
For the past 20 years, Drew Mandy—whose parents describe him as having "the mental capacity of a two-year-old"—has carried a plastic hammer toy around with him for "security" reasons. It's his thing. But recently TSA agents took his beloved hammer away from him, because it made tapping noises.
On tonight's Late Show, Brian Williams stopped by to chat with David Letterman about his holiday vacation. What did we learn? Williams' junk was felt up—multiple times!—by the TSA. Also: Williams never ceases to be hilarious. Watch inside.
In addition to rolling out full-body nudie scanners in airports across the country, the TSA is now giving travelers the option of an "enhanced" pat-down. With the TSA's record of responsible behavior, what could ever go wrong?
