Is your boss opening the office today and making you go to work? This is not a bad thing, necessarily, if you like your job, hate your kids, have cabin fever, or live in one of the dreaded Dead Zones, where no one has power and gangs of restless professionals roam the streets, wearing elaborate ceremonial jewelry…

It appears that the days of the $2.25 subway ride will soon be coming to an end, a victim of the vicissitudes of progress. As we gaze grimly into the maw of the $2.50 subway ride, let us bow our heads, and elegize:

How many people do you reckon were hit by subway trains in New York City last year? Five? Eleven? Fourteen? Twenty-six? Thirty-seven? Forty? Forty-two? Forty-three? Forty-five? Forty-eight? Fifty-one? Any of those numbers? How about fifty-four, then? Fifty-five? Fifty-nine? Yes? Well, you're wrong.

Earlier this week, the Arizona Department of Transportation took a page from the Whimsical Ideas Book of a wide-eyed substitute teacher and announced a "Twitter challenge," asking people to submit haikus to help promote dust storm safety.

Today is an especially good day to take the M if you're a mother — or if you can fake it. Someone has been putting up "Reserved for mothers today" stickers all over the cars, which I think means you're legally required to stand if you've never raised a kid.

The future of New York taxicabs was officially unveiled at the International Auto Show Tuesday (NYT link) and, though they've had a year to prepare themselves for it, people are still reeling from the boxy banality of it all. As one Brooklynite told NPR:

Wacky hippies in the wacky hippie enclave of Denver are encouraging their fellow moonbeam-gazing residents of Marijuanaville to do something a little strange: walk places. On their feet. What's more: even you, The Average American, can get involved in this quirky newfangled hobby. But how?

Here's an instructional video on what not to do while riding the Scottish rails without a ticket: i.e., swear at the ticket collector, refuse to budge from your seat, and hold up the train while in the presence of The Big Man, Scotland's newest public transportation-oriented superhero-vigilante. The Big Man's simple…

In its infinite wisdom, the New York City Transit system has decided to stop shutting down the subways for repairs every weekend, and start shutting down the subways for repairs every weeknight. How will this affect you, the straphanger, and the "new breed" of trained subway thieves that prowl the trains to prey on…

The Sperm Bike is a 120-pound, 10-foot bicycle rigged with a sperm-shaped tank of liquid nitrogen and—on business days—vials of human sperm ("pre-babies"). Based on a model used in Copenhagen, Seattle's sperm bike transports its cargo from the Seattle Sperm Bank to fertility clinics. Even though it's motorized, it's…

Ho ho, will hipster Brooklyn ever stop with its pursuit of retro trends? Retro fashions, retro music... and now, retro discrimination! Women to the back of the bus! This could be the hottest discrimination trend of the season.

Mimes: What are they good for? Oh, so many things! They bring laughter and joy to everyone who encounters them. They help the white makeup industry stay financially afloat. Sometimes they make precious balloon animals. And most importantly, they know how to combat traffic in high-density urban areas, which is why…

For the past 12 years Rob Thompson—aka "Jazz Man"—has driven the Campus Connector bus, playing jazz CDs from a boombox and greeting people with "hey baby" and a smile. He's the most famous bus driver at the University of Minnesota, if not the entire state of Minnesota.

Yesterday—after an anecdotal story about black women receiving hair pat-downs—we asked you, the traveling public, whether you've experienced racial profiling at the hands of the freedom-protecting TSA.

It's not just passengers that are acting up on the subway. Employees of the MTA are misbehaving as well! Here's footage that a YouTube user (and Bloombergian anti-smoking activist, we're guessing) recorded of a couple of MTA workers smoking inside the Christopher Street 1 Train station on Sunday morning. Are you…

There has never been a time when crazy shit wasn't happening on New York City subways; but what with all the cell phone cameras and salivating blog vultures out there now, videos of crazy shit happening on New York City subways are rapidly becoming the must-have accessory of the summer season.

Get off that bus right now and "get with it," fellow New Yorkers! Nobody rides the bus any more—not even the poors.

Hack hacks back in backseat attack! Two women got inside a cab in Midtown last weekend. and asked the driver to take them to Bed-Stuy. The driver responded by trying to haul them out, by the feet!

Are you safe while riding a city bus? Ha, *scoffing sounds.* It turns out that your fellow passengers are placing you at risk of more than tuberculosis—risk of the entire bus just, like, falling apart. From too much girth.

We always knew those super cheap Bolt Bus tickets came with a hidden price. Your driver might be drunk! A bolt bus driver was arrested for an alleged DUI yesterday while driving from New York to Baltimore after a passenger noticed him drinking from a flask and called 911.