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high gloss
The End of the Poptart Era: An Us Weekly Cover Analysis
How has celebrity gossip changed in over the years? Don't we hear a lot more about sad reality blobs these days than we do about say, one Britannica H. Spears? We employed our loyal assistant Julia Schweizer to find out. More » -
trendwatch
Bars Too Cool For You
Did you know that any bar worth drinking in is now a speakeasy that would never tell the likes of you its secret location? If you didn't already know, then how do you ever expect to get into one? More » -
trends
Today Investigates High School Hug Madness
Oh, good, Today covered the teenage hug menace. "High school hugging has turned into a cultural phenomenon, studied by sociologists, and written about in The New York Times." A phenomenon studied by bullshit pseudo-scientists and written up as a trend in the Times? Hugs are the new hipster farms! More » -
hugs!
The Lamest Teen Moral Panic Ever
In the good old days of the culture wars, your teenagers, after years of being raped by Satanist daycare workers, were all organizing "Rainbow Parties" and smoking weed three times more powerful than the stuff you smoked all the time in high school. Now they are just hugging?
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gossip
Smart Media People Moonlight in Booze
We'll give you one guess: Which is the heaviest-drinking class of "professionals" in England? If you said "the media," you are well acquainted with the media's habits! In fact, we hear that some media workers here are going into the booze business as a dependable second job: More » -
men
Drifter He-Man Not Such A Bad Guy
Today, writer of trend stories about quirky and often annoying men Spencer Morgan found He-Man chilling on a park bench and totally interviewed him: More » -
trendwatch
Let's Put That 'War on Smoking' On Hold
Is 'in the midst of crushing economic insecurity' really the time to start fucking with smokers and their access to cigarettes? Because that's what the governmentalsciencecleanair-complex has apparently decided to do, and it's not smart: More » -
trendwatch
The Perfect Circle of Pseudotrends
What happens to the delicate fabric of spacetime when stories in the same Thursday New York Times Style Section flow logically into one another in a perpetual, unceasing circle? We're about to find out: More » -
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mother's day
America Is Going To The Following Restaurants On Mother's Day
As of 2:30PM today, on Google Trends, the following restaurants America is taking Mom out for dinner to tonight: More » -
panic
Brain-Thrashing Raccoons May Be New Animal Terror Story
The swine-flu pandemic scare is fading fast. What other old disease will we be terrified of next? How about the one where raccoon larvae can make you blind? More » -
geek love
Love in the Age of SMS
Things were simpler when the only medium for asking someone out was the telephone. Text messaging, Facebook, Twitter and MySpace have complicated romance, if not ruined it, the Washington Post reports. More » -
Hellbound Nations
Liberal Media Kills Jesus?
Oh look, a new study perfect for supporting any old opinion! Pew researchers found that half of American adults switch religion at least once—Catholics, out of conviction, and Protestants, out of laziness. Theory! More » -
Kari ferrell
Hipster Grifter Fashion Spinoffs Signal a Dying Meme
For the first time in almost a week, hipster grifter Kari Ferrell has failed to yield an amusing new bauble, and thank god for that. The Kari Ferrell meme is too weak to sustain itself. More » -
trendwatch
Shoe-Throwing Is So Last Season
When it comes to things to throw at dirty politicians, there are so many options—tomatoes, furniture, urine-filled water balloons, etc. Why not think big? Alas, India is stuck in shoe-throwing rut. Biters! More » -
pirate wars
The Cause of and Solution To Piracy: Women
Somali pirates are swaggering around shore like big gangsters, stealing women from the honest guys. Which is ironic, since the best idea yet to control the pirates is: make the women hit them with rocks. More » -
recessionomics
The Mall is Dead
Did you, who lived through the 80s, ever think you'd live to see the day when you couldn't make money with a mall in America, or with a pub in England? That day has come! More » -
trendwatch
Everybody's Home Doing Tae-Bo by the Gun Cabinet
Here is what is happening in America today: citizens grow obese; paranoia sets in; we all huddle in our homes, poor and alone, doing workout videos and cleaning our many, many guns, preparing for battle. More » -
recessionomics
America Has Squat
How does America deal with hard times? By trimming the fat from our budgets. D.I.Y., people! Out: paying people for things. In: squatting in houses and being your own lawyer! More » -
trends
Eldersex Going from Gross to Funny
Comedy often depends on certain archetypes guaranteed to get a laugh — foul-mouthed children, fat men without shirts, drunk party girls — and now old people knocking boots. Larry Charles may be on to something. More » -
trendwatch
All Disposable Income Now Spent on Dog Crap
A crippling recession that's forced thousands of people into tent cities, eating dog food, is no reason to penalize our nation's dogs. So brave Americans are buying more gratuitous dog things than ever! More » -
advertising
Worthless Money Now Equivalent to Construction Paper
All the world's "money" is now merely decorative, its value determined totally by bulk weight, like hay. And since currency is now cheaper than ink, it's a perfect advertising medium! More » -
culture
Midtown NYC Is The Home of 'Buzz!'
If there's anyone who grasps the secrets of cultural "buzz," it's Spatial Information experts employed in academia. There's a new "Geography of Buzz" map that scientifically proves that "buzz" is centered...where events are held. More » -
the game
Warning: Blog Comments May Lead to Blog Sex
"CONSIDER the erotic potential between blogger and commenters," begins a trend story, as I gag on my coffee, laughing derisively. But hey it turns out some of these "bloggers" really are big pimpin! More » -
trendwatch
Everybody's Hating Voicemail Now!
Voicemail is totally dead. It takes too much listening. Is this just some fancy notion, or the truth? Either way, it's a New York Times trend story, blammo! More » -
trendwatch
Trend stories on anti-circumcision activists: now a meta-trend. Circumcision: still trendy.
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trendwatch
Fingerbanging Your Girlfriend in Public Is Just What it Takes to Be a Writer Now
The Times Style piece on "orgasmic meditation" came out two weeks ago, so the NY Post stole the idea, and gave it to Justin Rocket Silverman, who wrote about fingering his girlfriend. All very standard. More » -
recessionomics
Stupid Media Cost-Cutting Tricks: Toilet Paper's a Luxury
Times are tough. Stupid corporate cost-cutting tricks are rampant. Even within the hallowed confines of media companies! And the situation is growing more dire—no more free gyms, babysitting, good coffee, food, or toilet paper: More » -
recessionomics
Hypnosex Is the New Fallback Career
Everybody has a hobby. Spencer Morgan's hobby is writing profiles of New York's most annoying (or just quirky!) guys in the New York Observer. Neil S.'s hobby is erotic gay hypnotism. Hobby intersection alert! More » -
trendwatch
Sugar Shack, USA
Interesting: during this recession, candy sales are way up. Even the unemployed are finding that in tough times, it doesn't cost much at all to help trend story writers. [NYT] -
rants
This Craving For Michelle Obama's Arms Is Leading Women Astray
Well, well. Michelle Obama has some nice arms, and now all the ladies want some nice arms. Women of America: resist this arm fixation. Do you want to end up just as dumb as men? More » -
trendwatch
'Slanties' Replace Shutter Shades As Worst Eyewear Ever
"Slanties": stupid hipster joke, or racist hipster serious business idea? Either way, we never thought we'd see something that would make us long for the days of cash fans and shutter shades: More » -
Metatrendwatch
Nation Choked With Recession Volunteers
"Okay, brainstorm: It's a recession. You've lost your job. What do you do with your time?" (Silence). "Volunteer?" "Good, write it up!" That's how your new most popular recession angle gets made! More » -
sex wars
Talking Cougar Insemination Without Feeling Cheap
We were drawn in by New York's new article, "This Old Sperm: Do Cougars Have the Smartest Kids." Who would have thought it was lamentation against sensationalistic science journalism? More » -
amazing
People Still Care About College Sex Mags
As long as college kids remain edgy, there will be college sex magazines. And as long as there are a few olds with no sense of mockery, they will be scandalized by them. Still! More » -
advertising
Ad Happiness Directly Proportional to Public Despair
Your jobs are gone. Your money is gone. But America's iconic brands will never leave you! (Until the rest of your money is gone). Advertising is the last optimistic thing around. And it's faking it. More » -
new york magazine
New York Asks: Has the Recession Hurt Your Power-Marriage?
The US lost 2 million jobs in the last three months. Unemployment hasn't been this high since 1983. So aren't you worried about how this is affecting New York marriages? A certain magazine is! More » -
celebrity science
Celebrity-Only Book Industry Comes Dangerously Close to Publishing 'Writer'
Permasmiley celebrity Columbia writing student James Franco is going to have a book of his short stories published by Scribner. This, strangely, is the least ridiculous book deal we've written about this week. [Fox] -
trendwatch
New York Times Reports: Grandparents No Longer Like Grandkids
Grandparents: they hate their grandkids nowadays! It's all detailed right there in a brand new breaking trend story from the New York Times, the Paper of Record. Nobody likes anybody any more! More » -
drugs
Japan Shocked, Shocked By Everyone Smoking Weed
While America's new president is totally cool with you smoking weed, other countries are not so lucky. Did you know Japan is like a dark ages bizarro world that is shocked by ganja? It's true! More » -
trends
The Rise of Slumdog Poverty Porn
Holy hell are the Mumbai slums a miserable place. That's the important lesson we learned when we watched thedocumentaryfairy tale Slumdog Millionaire. And now we'd like to fetishize the film's young stars. More »





































