There is nothing wrong with planning for the future. If you are a cab driver, or a truck driver, or an Uber driver, now is the time to plan for what you will do when your job disappears. And for what we should do for you.

Millennials. Sex. What do you think?

Though your modern media is faced with the demands of covering wars, terrorism, a presidential election, and Pokemon, please trust that we, the hardworking American journalists, will never fail to inform you about the latest trends in hot teen bra usage—or lack thereof.

Investors are pulling back from hedge funds in Asia; investors pulled $100 billion out of funds of hedge funds in the past year; the world’s biggest hedge fund is slowing its hiring. I wonder why?

“Visits to fast-casual restaurants, long the bright spot of the industry, declined last month for the first time since 2004.” Fuck. The Applebee’s indicator is flashing WARNING. Dark days are coming.

Almost one third of the people in America now live in counties where non-white people make up the majority of the population. That portion is growing with time.

A new White House report shows a staggering drop in the portion of working-age men who are actually working. It also reveals deeper problems with American society.

“Hamilton”-themed SoulCycle classes?

Have you heard about this? I mean, seriously. This is literally just so ridiculous.

The biggest near term threat to the stability of nations might not be climate change, terrorism, or nuclear war. It just might be robots—putting millions of people out of jobs. Where will they all go? There are only a few possibilities.

Right now, 94% of U.S. commercial districts are composed of bank branches. (The other 6% are takeout salad lunch places.) The good news is that we may have already witnessed the peak of the “bazillions of banks, everywhere you look” era.

New Census figures show that U.S. urban growth is slowing, “as a bulge of late-20s Americans reaches prime homebuying age and high urban real-estate costs are making suburbs and exurbs more attractive.” Good!!

When it comes to discussions of mortality rates, it seems like all we hear these days is “middle-aged white Americans are dying more.” Okay, fine—but here’s the good news.

What of the humble “department store,” a physical space in which humans used to peruse goods that they now purchase on Amazon? According to one new analysis, the only way for department stores to live is to die faster.

Amid a “third wave” artisanal coffee boom in New York City, one cafe is “planning pop-up dinners where the dishes are paired with carefully selected coffee instead of wine.” Seems like that would keep you up late.

Corn here (America). Corn there (South America). Corn everywhere (arriving by the boat load). Corn, corn, corn.

Kids who grow up poor have a better chance of one day not being poor if they grow up neighborhoods where everyone isn’t poor. But in some cities, affordable housing crises are making that impossible. It’s a quandary.

When it comes to shelf-stable macaroni and cheese products, today’s consumers expect a premium brand offering a premium product. That’s what makes it so exciting to be alive in the United States of America in 2016.

We live in scary times: sharia law, foreigners, and rape gangs haunt the streets of this once great nation. Some old people believe that they must arm themselves in order to find peace and safety.

Here is a wild idea you might like: the government giving money to everyone, for free. This lovely idea is growing more realistic by the week, friends!