We laughed at useless rich girl Brill for her dramatic(-ally blogged) declaration that "even my weekend in bedford wasn’t entirely restful because i still felt ‘on duty’ because i knew i’d be writing about it." Ha! But! Consider this from taser-loving, reporter-helping, cult-like-following-inspiring professional PR man Peter Shankman's long new blog post about how much he hates hearing the phrase "Why Don't You Do Some Work?":

Was having a conversation the other day with someone via IM. She asked me where I was, and I told her I was talking from the lobby of the W hotel in Times Square, waiting to have a drink with someone who runs a marketing firm.

“The W Hotel?! What a tough life! Will you please do some work?!” she IM’d back. It was around 3pm. She didn’t know I’d closed two deals, brought three new advertisers to HARO, and gotten one client onto CNN. Not bad for someone who, according to my friend, had to be nagged to “do some work.”

Shit. Do we really want to open this floodgate? Can you already see where Shankman is prepared to go (at incredible length) with this? That's right, into an exposition of the awesomeness of Peter Shankman and his awesome work-play life balance!

I’ve heard virtually identical comments resulting from Facebook or Twitter updates that have included “Driving from LA to SF, stopped to get gas outside some wind farm,” “Sitting in the lounge at Gatwick, munching on a bagel,” “Singapore–>EWR flight delayed, hitting Duty Free, anyone want anything?” “Sitting on the hood of my rental car, watching the sunset from the desert outside of Eloy, Arizona,” and of course, “working from the Ranch, waiting for them to fuel the plane,” which of course, is code for “handling a client issue via conference call, with my skydiving rig on my back, hoping I’ll finish the call before the next load goes up in the air.”

Just in case you didn't catch his Twitter updates: he goes skydiving! Have you ever been? No? Well some people just aren't born adventurers, don't feel bad.

So Let’s translate “why don’t you do some work” into what it really is: “How come your job lets you fly all over the place, and have meetings in really cool places, and why can’t mine? Your job certainly doesn’t seem like work, why does mine?”

My answer to them? Because you don’t want it badly enough. If you really did, you’d have it. You’d take the risk, and play the game. (In actuality, that’s all it ever is - one giant game.) Face it - Having a job where you’re not the boss is, well, safe.

Peter Shankman thinks you're a pussy, no disrespect intended.

Like to read thousands more words about how Shankman can close client deals on his cellphone immediately before parachuting out of a plane and Twittering about it on the way down and, upon landing, running a road race that ends in a TV studio where he is doing an on-air interview? Read all you want!

"An inability to stay quiet is one of the conspicuous failings of mankind."
—Walter Bagehot

"Everybody's talking trash these days, so why not keep quiet?"
—Dennis Rodman

Salkin's story on the hot ukulele trend is out, and fits perfectly in his oeuvre. His past investigations have exposed chicks who eat meat, revealed how no one goes on vacations any more, and uncovered prepsters who hang out downtown—as well as their rival hipsters who hang out in Atlantic City.

We're now prepared to reveal Salkin's journalistic method to the public: He solicits you to hang out with him in casual settings and mines you for minutiae, which he then seasons with his patented significance-inflating sauce:

"I see you're no vegetarian!"

"Downtown is getting so preppy."

"Can you believe my dumbass roommate bought a ukulele?"

Lately I've been tying my shoelaces inside the shoe, to prevent those floppy strings on the outside. Others in Brooklyn are doing the same. Call me, Allen.

[NYT]

"That image is in the air," said Jason Christopher, editor of the J.C. Report, a fashion blog that has followed the games closely. "Given the publicity [from athletes wearing the masks], I think it's likely we'll see brands rolling these out in multiple colors."

That is perhaps the most unlikely shot-in-the-dark insta-trend of the entire Olympic Games. Good effort, though.

The exposure for these sleek black masks, which he called "surprisingly" well designed, figures to further fuel that trend, which he said has already manifested itself in inner-city style and even in the controversial Dunkin' Donuts ad in which celebrity chef Rachael Ray was accused of wearing a keffiyeh.

Masks: Edgy in all situations!

[Ad Age; pic via Telegraph]

A Chevrolet billboard that used real pennies was stripped clean within 30 minutes. In Singapore, advertisers painted an extra yellow safety line on a train platform with the name “Wonderbra” on it, leaving commuters to figure out the message (that the bra’s lifting qualities were so forceful that wearers would have to stand back)...

Many people did not get it.

You can't ask for everything to make sense. It's hot outside. Stay tuned here for breaking news coverage of only the finest future publicity stunts throughout the summer and beyond!

[NYT]

Experts have discovered that Americans no longer go to work to perform actual work; they simply go to work to send and receive email about what would happen if they theoretically were to do some work. When they're not doing this, they're mentally recovering:

According to a report to be published in October by the New York-based research firm Basex, interruptions such as spam, other unnecessary e-mail and instant-messages take up 28% of the average knowledge worker's day.

On top of that is what Basex chief analyst Jonathan Spira refers to as recovery time — the time to get back to where you were before you were interrupted, which Spira says is 10 to 20 times the duration of the interruption. These interruptions account for up to 2.1 hours per worker per day. Multiply that by 56 million knowledge workers in the U.S., he calculates, and the cost is $650 billion per year.

By my calculations, that means that after you spend your 2.1 hours per day using email, you spend—on average—another 31.5 hours per day recovering from these hectic interruptions. Email is therefore responsible for a full 33.6 hours per day of your time.

It's certainly getting to be a problem.

[LAT]

Tina Gaudoin was brought over to the WSJ from the UK early this year to edit the paper's upcoming "lifestyle magazine." She's also the owner of Triyoga, a chain of yoga studios in the UK. And she used to tout that fact over and over again in her column! Which tends to go over less well in the US than in the UK. Still, it was so hard for the WSJ to find a good yoga-as-business quote that they ended up using this one, from Claire Missingham (pictured):

Finance "is the antithesis of what yoga is about in terms of inner peace," says Claire Missingham, a yoga teacher in London. But Ms. Missingham, whose pupils have included bankers and hedge-fund managers, says it can be highly beneficial for them. Yoga traditionalists say practicing yoga should be about more than just gaining physical benefits: It's a way of approaching life, including work. "Yoga teaches you to embrace fear and cultivate patience," says Ms. Missingham.

That's the Claire Missingham who happens to work at Gaudoin's Triyoga Soho! Way to keep it all in the family, WSJ.

The Daily News:

Esteban Neira of Lanus, Argentina, died Sunday after swimming in the Hudson River during the New York City Triathlon. Dozens of fellow athletes reported being stung by swarms of jellyfish, and afterward they wondered whether Neira fell victim to the slimy creatures.

The Times:

Vince Lingner, 44, from Inwood, who completed the triathlon, said he got stung two or three times.

“You can feel this weirdness, this heat going up your arm, then little spots of heat radiating from the place where you got stung,” he said. “I’d never been stung by a jellyfish before, but I’d heard about it. So when it happened, I thought, well, this is what it feels like.”

The Sun:

The cyanea capillata, better known as the Lion's Mane, has been arriving in "giant swarms" since last year, Ms. Drew said. The species can be more than a foot in diameter and has tentacles even longer than that.

Newsday:

They say one breed in particular _ the lion's mane _ showed up about a month earlier than usual. The biologists blame everything from breeding conditions and climate change for the abundance of jellyfish so early in the season.

Cornell University biologist Mark Bain says there is "widespread evidence of increasing jellyfish around the world."

Whatever you do, don't let them know you're afraid. They can sense it—in their jelly.

An Ad Age survey of in-house bars at agencies reveals that—much like alcoholics themselves—they run the gamut from classy to trashy. A condensed highlight version:

The Homeless Drunk Beggar

Too cheap to afford a real bar, Digitas in Chicago satisfies staff with a travelling beer cart. "It's operated by Digitas staffers who walk from desk to desk offering a selection of Miller beers (Digitas is Miller's interactive shop), water, soda, popcorn and occasional specialty drinks." In brown paper bags, presumably.

The Frat Boy With A Burgeoning Problem

TBWA/CHIAT/DAY in LA has a "Surf Bar" made of castoff surfboards in its office, where the agency throws keg parties. Yea.

The Sad Hipster Drunk

Rivet in St. Louis has a bar called "The Bar." It has a ping-pong table, and "it's stocked with Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, a client, as well as wine and other basic drinks." So, so sad.

The Rich Alcoholic

JWT in New York has a 50-foot-long, plush, futuristic-looking in-house bar with white decor. It's brand new, and all the Diageo liquor is subsidized, along with bar food. As JWT staffers leave their elegant parties they toss a few coins at Digitas staffers to buy something from their beer cart.

[Ad Age]

V Magazine got veteran fashion photographer Mario Testino to convince Gisele to pose for these pictures, which she said "only Mario could make me take." Boy, let's hope so. What makes you think everyone wants to see your body, you tart?

[via Fashion Week Daily]

While the rabble may have padded about in cut-off rags in days past, respectable members of society are only now dipping a toe into the short-waters:

A growing number of style-conscious men are becoming more comfortable with the idea of showing some leg during the hot summer months. No longer does it seem remarkable to see men—straight men—dressed in slim-fitting shorts that hang well above the knee, from conservatively dressed 9-to-5 Manhattan types, to Williamsburg hipsters who wear their cutoffs so high, it evokes the lyrics to the 1993 R&B hit “Dazzey Duks” (or The Dukes of Hazzard, depending on one’s age).

Moneyed gentlemen including Ed Westwick, Devendra Banhart, Sean Avery, and even Graydon Carter have donned short-pants at one time or another, the intrepid news-paper reports. The news-man queries several of his close personal friends to determine how this trend is going over within the media:

Michael B. Dougherty, a research editor at Gotham magazine, [says] that there’s “something really defeatist” about shorts, kind of like wearing sweatpants when you get to the point of not caring how you look[.]

But the practice is deemed more acceptable within the devil-may-care confines of Green-Point:

And if you ask John McSwain, who works as an assistant editor for Vice magazine’s online television network, VBS.tv, he’ll tell you that four to seven inches above the knee (or perhaps even higher!) is about right.

Mr. McSwain, 27, of Greenpoint, is a shorts enthusiast who loves all styles, from Fred Perry tennis shorts to those little cutoff jeans that, when worn by women, are sometimes referred to as “boom-booms.” (Mr. McSwain alternately calls them his “redneck cutoffs.”)

"Shorts" fit for public prancing may be purchased at Barney's for $160, the story notes. But those with proletarian urges can find versions fit for slumming at the "American Apparel" millinery:

Mathew Swenson, a spokesman for the company, said the male audience for short shorts, once exclusively the attire of trend-setting hipsters, has widened to include more mainstream types of guys who’d previously limited themselves to the baggier cargos and board shorts dominating the market—these days considered, perhaps, a bit dorky. “Now you prove your masculinity by wearing short shorts or pink underwear,” he said.

What a gay time we'll have in our "shorts!"

[NYO]

The US market is kind of a drag. It's crowded, competitive, expensive to enter, and even more expensive to grow in. Expanding to other first-world markets like the UK is pretty standard, when a company has a good product. But the second—or even third—world is where the money will be in the future. Consider this unwittingly perfect sentence from a Variety story about Fox's infiltration into Argentina: "Fox TV Studios and Rosstoc are also developing the script 'Feo' (Ugly)."

Heh.

Fox is "launching several international productions that will simultaneously be developed in the U.S.," meaning that the company can get a much broader audience with what will probably be a much smaller investment than they have to make in US-only shows. Foreigners work cheap! So "Todos Contra Juan" (Everyone Against Juan), a "dark comedy about an actor attempting to reclaim his fame," is coming to Argentina, and an English-language version is coming to America. There's also the aforementioned "Feo" (heh), and a bank robbery show, and a show about "a poor girl who ends up running a big city." (Not the "Anna Wintour Story," though, zing).

And India: did you know that print media is actually expanding in India? It is! It's like bizarro world. Everybody's not on the internet there, yet, so I recommend investing every nickel to your name in Indian print media companies for the next decade or so. Trendy!

[Variety, Guardian]

Editors at Mindworks will work five shifts a week for one month, performing layout for the community paper and editing some stories in the flagship Register, [deputy editor John] Fabris said. Staffing at the company will not be affected, he said...

"This is a small-scale test, which will not touch our local reporting or decision-making. Our own editors will oversee this work," Fabris said in an e-mail to The Associated Press. "In a time of rapid change at newspapers, we are exploring many ways to work efficiently while maintaining quality and improving local coverage."

The OC Register has already "been through three rounds of layoffs in the past year." So if you're a copy editor there now, I would recommend some fervent job-hunting starting now. Mindworks, the Indian firm, already does similar work for parts of the Miami Herald. Yes, they're a cost-saver; but can they compete with solid American production work? Yes they can. Despair.

[BW]

Weren't we all more comfortable with euphemisms? What's so bad about the "not-so-fresh feeling?" Clear language, at times, is overrated Here's a list of some of the unfortunate byproducts of this gross, bodily fluid-based advertising trend:

• Cottonelle: "But today consumers are telling us loud and clear that we have more permission to speak to them directly about the category, and more overtly about their behinds and cleaning and care for their bottoms."
• Always: "Have a happy period."
• Charmin: "No one likes bath tissue that leaves pieces behind."
• All Bran: "Personally, I feel better when I let it all out."
• Jamie Lee Curtis for Activia: "Whereas we routinely talk about other uncomfortable topics, such as erectile dysfunction, digestive health is not being addressed — and it's time to change that. I am not afraid to talk about bowel issues — there, I said it."
• Clearblue Easy: "Introducing the most sophisticated piece of technology you will ever pee on."

[Adweek]

[via EV Grieve]

• George Michael, 75-minute concert on New Year's eve, 2007, for nickel billionaire Vladimir Potanin. Price: $3.5 million
• Rihanna, 40-minute show for billionaire Oleg Deripaska on New Year's eve, 2008. Price: $500,000.
• Jennifer Lopez, 40-minute birthday party show for billionaire Andrei Melnichenko in April, 2007. Price: $1.2 million.
• Christina Aguilera, three songs at Andrei Melnichenko's wedding in September, 2005. Price: $3.6 million.
• And to put it all over the top, Madonna is reportedly considering an offer from "an unnamed Dubai-based tycoon" for a one-night private performance. Price: $10 million.

Fortunately, you can still hire Pat DiNizio of The Smithereens to play in your living room for $2,000.

"It's embarrassing if you're a particular kind of person—a Manhattan media person, like somebody who considers himself to be thoughtful or have a generally elevated level of media consumption," said one such Manhattan media person who wished to keep his name out of this article. "You don't want to be aligned with moms. Because literally, this is the meat and potatoes of their Internet consumption."

(GUESSES?)

Some enjoy the cheap gags at LOLcats. But others, like [VH1 writer] Mr. Gottlieb (who says he likes LOLcats), see these images as mocking animals, and also people, via the animals. "Sometimes it seems like it's a proxy for making fun of retarded people," he says.

And Cuteoverload overlord Meg Frost admits the truth:

But for anyone still uncomfortable admitting their admiration for her work, Ms. Frost wants you to know one thing: "There's no shame in kittens. It's better than porn for sure."

"Oh, well, I guess I should say that for myself," she added. "Some 45-year-old guy might not agree."

[Seamy underbelly of the cute world explored by the Observer's Matt Haber]

Like all of the Observer's Williamsburg coverage, this piece causes the reader an even greater level of apoplexy by using a breezy, ironic tone, rather than just putting its head down and pounding out a list of bars, parks, and restaurants where the postgrads who populate the terrifying neighborhood can go to meet one another and, 47 minutes later, have coke-fuelled sex in an Enid's (there's one!) bathroom.

That said, if you want to go read the entire tortured Williamsburg-as-college metaphor (your apartment search is like "room draw!"), be our guest. Call us enablers, if you will. But remember this, twenty-something Observer staff writers: at least 25% of the Gawker editorial staff lives right next door in Greenpoint. We go to some of these places that your story proposes to morph even further into postcollegiate hellholes. It's only a matter of time before we catch you walking down the street one night.

So say hello, why don't you?

[Observer]

*Uh, extreme-violence-and-language-disclaimer-here.

The miracle berries go for $2-3 each. But a single one makes everything in the world taste sweet. And the tasting parties have barely concealed orgiastic overtones:

He believes that the best way to encounter the fruit is in a group. "You need other people to benchmark the experience," he said. At his first party, a small gathering at his apartment in January, guests murmured with delight as they tasted citrus wedges and goat cheese. Then things got trippy.

"You kept hearing 'oh, oh, oh,' " he said, and then the guests became "literally like wild animals, tearing apart everything on the table."

"It was like no holds barred in terms of what people would try to eat, so they opened my fridge and started downing Tabasco and maple syrup," he said.

[NYT. You can buy em wholesale here.]

[via Agenda Inc.]

"I've seen everything from your basic striptease to sexual acts being performed," said Reynoldsburg police Detective Brian Marvin, a member of the FBI Cyber Crime Task Force of Central Ohio. "You name it, they will do it at their home under this perceived anonymity."

Somebody arrest that man! But not even Jesus, or a penis, can save us!

"This happens a lot," said Kelsey, author of Generation MySpace: Helping Your Teen Survive Online Adolescence. "It crosses every racial socio-economic group. Christian kids are doing it. Jewish kids are doing it."

Male teens are also doing it.

Authority figures are flummoxed!

Mark Raiff, a principal at Columbus' Olentangy Liberty High School, said some of his students and their cell phones have caused trouble.

"They don't see anything wrong with it," he said. "It leaves me speechless."

Alphabet City in the East Village, which a decade ago was famous for its post-punk scene and its heroin markets, now is rife with hipster preschools for tattooed and pierced rock-and-roll parents, and baby boutiques that sell $112 onesies made by Italian designers.

Chelsea, once known for anonymous same-sex encounters on its piers, is now the site of the city's only Buy Buy Baby megastore, and of playground flirting among gay dads.

Central Harlem, whose preschools once catered almost exclusively to African American children, now has white students in its Montessori schools.

SHOCKING EXAMPLES OF RACE MIXING. What does a typical affluent white toddler have to say about all this?!

But young Theo Carlston is just happy to play at Citibabes, a SoHo club where parents can use the gym or have a manicure while their children take dance classes or French lessons.

"I'm hiding in my fort!" Theo shouted as his mother discussed the city her family is helping to create.

"The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness...." Romans 1:18.

For those Bible readers that say Revelation is the scariest book in the Bible, check Romans out. It is one of the books I read the most and that verse is the one I try to always remember. If you read on, you would read it goes on to say God's wonders have been demonstrated in plain view since the beginning of time so men, we, are without excuse. I personally get so tired of that statement, "game recognizes game" because it's so true and it doesn't comfort me. That statement offers me no solace for the simple fact that it only serves as a catalyst to perturb me in an area I'd much rather ignore. The truth is "Game" does recognize game and "Game" does all it can to suppress, ignore or utterly decimate it.

Quick...

I love that word. Decimate. You know where it comes from? It's Latin from "deci" meaning "ten" and "mate" meaning kill. If Caesar's army, men or what have you would lose a battle, fight or all in all mess up, he would order something passed gangster. He'd order 10 men from his army bound and gagged in public view and, you guessed it, slaughtered. Just to get his point across to the rest that he wasn't in business for tolerance of failure. All these little Latin barbs I know are thanks to Latin classes I had while growing up in Catholic school. Actually made the English portion of the SAT a turkey shoot.

[pic via WSJ]

[pics via NYT]

Big P is getting ready for an extended stay in lockdown, but he's trying to cement his legacy for the world before he goes via his blog, by posting an extensive list of TRENDS PRODIGY HAS SET SINCE 1992 AND STILL IS SETTING IN 2008 AND BEYOND:

#5 HOW I FOLD MY BANDANA

#8 MADE DRINKIN HENNESSY, E&J, LIME BACARDI, 151 POPULAR (nothin to be proud of)

#13 MURDA MUSIC,,EVERYBODY USES MY BLOOD SPLASH NOW

#18 TIMBERLAND BOOTS...THESE RACIST FUCC'S OWE US MILLIONS. THEY NEVER DO AD'S USING BLACK PEOPLE OR RAPPERS AS MUCH AS WE PROMOTED THEY SHIT.

#19 WEB SITES, I HAD INFAMOUSSTORES.COM AND WAS WRITING BLOGS BACK IN 99 LONG BEFORE IT BECAME POPULAR IN HIP HOP TO HAVE A WEB SITE.

#23 MAKING EXPOSING THE ILLUMINATI, SECRET GOVERNMENT AND HIDDEN TRUTHS THAT NEW HOT SHIT

Many of you owe Prodigy some royalties, we suspect. Have your checks waiting when he gets out.

(Honestly, he will always be cool with us, mainly because of TREND #22: NO MORE FLASHY, DANCY, RADIO FREINDLY , CLUB SONGS..HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY TREND SETTING, LOOK AT WHAT I BRING TO THE TABLE.)

(The end of which is also a good way to close any argument with anybody about anything).

Nicole Brydson from the Observer used to live in Greenpoint, and now when she goes back, she's not even the only one! Or as she wryly puts it, "I've recently found myself traveling north to Williamsburg and Greenpoint for a night out more often and apparently, I'm not alone!"

Trendwatch! SEA Thai restaurant is so bridge-and-tunnel! Greenpoint has clubs and a bowling alley! And Nicole tells us that, at long last, "with its mix of hipster residue and tragically suburban folk, Bedford Avenue finally completed its transformation into the new Avenue A." Tragic. Let's hope word of this doesn't get out to the hip young hipster crowd attending their musical shows around the neighborhood. It would make them so mad!

Having gotten fed up with all the stumblebums and glitterati roaming the streets of Greenpoint, she says she's now "totally content to return to my quiet, peaceful neighborhood" of Prospect Heights. That's cool but, is your old apartment available? I really want to get in on this Greenpoint thing before it gets spoiled!