Turner's trial started yesterday. His crime, according to the NYT: When some judges in Chicago upheld a handgun ban last summer, he put their pictures and contact info on his website and said they should be killed. Specifically, he wrote "If they are allowed to get away with this by surviving, other judges will act the same way." Which, let's admit, is kind of funny, because do you really "get away" with something just by surviving? Strict standards, Mr. Turner!

Hal was an avowed "white nationalist" and a more avowed attention hound. His show's website proclaimed, "Hal Turner is so far to the right he makes Rush Limbaugh look like a liberal and Sean Hannity seem like a girlie-man!" He enjoyed writing things like, "Today could be the day I get to serve on a Jury. Imagine the justice I can dish-out against a Savage Negro Beast, a greasy Spic, a degenerate sodomite or, my favorite, a filty, hook-nosed KIKE."

Furthermore, Hal Turner, supernationalist racist right-wing bomb-thrower, was an FBI snitch, for years. And Turner's lawyers are now arguing that it was all an act. He was just trying to get in good with the crazies, to snitch on them! The FBI fired him as a snitch, though, because he couldn't follow orders.

Get a hobby, loser.

Allow alleged extortionist Joe Halderman's attorney to lay it all out for you how it really happened: after Joe discovered Letterman was boning Joe's girlfriend, still, he thought, hey, great idea for a screenplay!

The lawyer says this was not extortion, calling it "a pure commercial transaction." The lawyer says Halderman was merely trying to sell the exclusive screenplay rights to Letterman.

Who would enjoy a screenplay of Letterman's sexual foibles more than the man himself? So, can Joe go now? And also he'd like his job back.
[Pic: Getty]

After a case that has featured five months of testimony from celebrities and the occasional crazy knife lady, Anthony Marshall, the 85 year-old son of famous high society lady Brooke Astor, has been found guilty of swindling her out of lots of money as she grew old and incapacitated with dementia. What a jerk.

Mr. Marshall was found guilty of one of two first-degree grand larceny charges, the most serious he faced. Jurors convicted him of giving himself an unauthorized raise of about $1 million for managing his mother's finances.

He could be sentenced to anywhere from one to 25 years in jail. Thank god this trial is finally over because it went on since April. Justice served cold.
[Pic: AP]

He was diagnosed last year, and his decline was sudden and largely unexpected, though Liz Smith reported on his condition just yesterday.

It was a long and fascinating life. Dunne was a World War II vet. He was a TV director and film producer. He was one of the druggiest of the '70s Hollywood druggies until he cleaned up at age 50. He was a television star. When his daughter Dominique was murdered in 1982, he became a journalist.

His professional home of many years lists his credits:

Dunne—who joined Vanity Fair in 1984 as a contributing editor, and was named special correspondent in 1993—famously covered the trials of O. J. Simpson, the Menendez brothers, Michael Skakel, William Kennedy Smith, and Phil Spector, as well as the impeachment of President Bill Clinton. He wrote memorable profiles on numerous personalities, among them Imelda Marcos, Robert Mapplethorpe, Elizabeth Taylor, Claus von Bülow, Adnan Khashoggi, and Warren Beatty and Annette Bening. His monthly column provided a glimpse inside high society, and captivated readers.

"He became our first star writer," Tina Brown says in After the Party, a documentary on Dunne. She hired him to write a story on the trial of his daughter's killer for Vanity Fair, and she calls him "the defining voice of the magazine."

Dunne covered the trials of "the rich, the powerful, and the famous," he said in the same documentary. And "the reason I can write assholes so well is that I used to be an asshole."

He's survived by sons Griffin and Alex and granddaughter Hannah. There is an obituary and a nice remembrance from Graydon Carter at Vanity Fair.

The forewoman of this jury deserves a raise:

As several jurors were riding the subway together after court on Thursday, a knife-wielding woman attacked the forewoman; one of the alternate jurors came to the rescue and helped apprehend the attacker

If only they were able to pimp this story out a little more, we could have a new subway hero on our hands! But as it is, it just reinforces what your civics teacher always told you: Carry a knife to jury duty, every day.
[Pic via]

According to sex goddess and outrage enthusiast Andrea Peyser, of course. How can Andrea make her story stand out from all the boring, tragic, "woman recounts harrowing story of worrying for her daughter's life" testimony coverage in the boring papers? By calling victim Sandra Boss "the dumbest woman alive."

Repeatedly smiling inappropriately and speaking in an annoyingly flat, lock-jawed voice, Boss primly took the witness stand at the kidnapping trial of her ex-husband, who was known as Clark Rockefeller. A guy who never had a driver's license, Social Security number or visible means of support.
[...]
The marriage continued for 12 years. Not 12 weeks. Or 12 minutes — which is the average time you would expect a Harvard Business School grad to be fooled by this character. That is, if she really wanted to know.

Yes, well, Andrea, in order for one to be a successful con man, it helps to be able to convince people of the con for more than twelve minutes. Otherwise you are just a "liar."

So! Who is the real villain here? The man who simply used charm and pathological cunning to trick literally everyone he encountered in his life for thirty years into believing that he was someone rich and important, who then assaulted a social worker in order to throw his crying daughter into a limo and steal her to Baltimore, and whose lawyers are currently attempting the insanity defense? Or the woman who responded, in your characterization, "weirdly," when told her daughter had been recovered safely? That's right. That stupid bitch is basically the worst human being in the world.

See, one member of the grand jury that indicted him was a cop in the same precinct as the cops who investigated him! He was recognized by another cop who testified that Monserrate's girlfriend told him it was all a terrible misunderstanding, this face-slashing. This cop is named "Reefer." "Reefer" told Monserrate's private eye—a former cop, of course—that he recognized the juror.

Oh, god, look who Hiram's lawyer is.

"It was incumbent upon the [prosecutors,] who were aware of the relationship ... to ensure that the grand juror not hear testimony from his fellow officer or participate in the proceedings," lawyer Joseph Tacopina said in court papers.

Yep, it's tabloid-working PR-expert and famously non-"sleazy" bulldog defense attorney superstar Joseph Tacopina! He defended Jared Paul Stern and Michael Jackson's manager and lots of other beloved superstars. He has most recently been seen in these pages lying to investigators and obstructing justice on behalf of 9/11 hero top cop Bernie Kerik. It is just perfect that Monserrate retained him.

The NYT says Kissinger "possessed a charming waddle and a smile." Some war criminals do indeed possess charming waddles! "Everyone from the judge to the court officers seemed enamored of Dr. Kissinger." War criminal charm is irresistible! This was his most important testimony:

At a dinner party Mrs. Astor had at her apartment in January 2002 for Kofi Annan, Dr. Kissinger testified, Mrs. Astor leaned toward him and asked, "Who is the black fellow who is sitting on the other side of me?"

"Kofi Annan," he said he responded.

It's a classic embarrassing old person racial moment, but with higher stakes. Then came Barbara Walters who offered a picture of steely reserve in the face of some dumbass lawyer:

That lawyer had gotten off on the wrong foot with Walters anyway — asking her, first question out of the box, "Any chance Ms. Loewy is going to be on 'The View' next week?" — that being prosecutor Elizabeth Loewy, who had conducted the direct examination.

"Did you ask me if she is going to be on 'The View?' " Walters said, angrily. "Are we serious? No."

Kissinger then ordered that that lawyer's home be bombed.
[NYT, NYP. Pic of Kissinger falling down stairs: AP]

Graydon published some pieces by Brooke Astor in his magazine. They were friends! But near the end, when they went out to lunch, she couldn't even remember who he was:

"Where is Graydon Carter?" was Astor's question to the exuberantly coifed, highly recognizable editor-in-chief of Vanity Fair — whom she'd known for nearly a decade.

"Have you seen Graydon Carter?" the doddering doyenne asked him.

"I put my hand on her shoulder and I told her, 'I'm Graydon Carter,' " Carter remembered yesterday, after taking the stand as prosecution witness No. 30 in the monthlong Astor swindle trial.

"Oh yes! Of course you are!" Astor answered, recovering awkwardly.

Alzheimer's is a tragedy for any family. But we were heartened to hear that the possibility of forgetting who Graydon Carter is still exists.
[NYP. Pic via]

Prosecutor Brenda Morris, toward the end of her cross-examination of the senator yesterday, settled in for a long discussion about the chair, which Alaska restaurateur Bob Persons bought for Stevens as a gift seven years ago — but which Stevens never reported on his Senate disclosure forms.

"And the chair is still at your house?" Morris asked.

"Yes," Stevens conceded.
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"How is that not a gift?"

"He bought that chair as a gift, but I refused it as a gift," Stevens explained. "He put it there and said it was my chair. I told him I would not accept it as a gift."

"Where is that chair now?"

"In our house," Stevens repeated. "We have lots of things in our house that don't belong to us, ma'am."

The Stevens defense so far rests on convincing a jury that people kept giving him gifts because they liked him a lot. Testifying to that was Colin Powell, who was a character witness for Stevens (maybe someone convinced him Stevens is black?).

Jacob was sentenced to 30 months in prison. Jonathan Cheban sure has some freaky friends!

[Thanks, TSG]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

EVIDENCE OF ADULTERY IS NOT ALLOWED IF UNKNOWN WHEN DIVORCE IS FILED

August 5, 2008 A Fulton County Georgia Judge has held that any evidence of adultery that was not known when the divorce was filed is inadmissible in divorce proceedings. The ruling was made by Judge Lane in the divorce of Andrew S. Fisher, President of Cox Television, who allegedly was having a sadomasochistic sex affair at the Mayflower Hotel in 2003. In divorce documents filed in Superior Court in Fulton County, Georgia (C.A. 2006CV124068) by Robin Fisher's attorneys', computer evidence was presented of communications between Andy Fisher and a government employee, relating to an ongoing sexual liason during his marriage. Evidence of the affair came out in the deposition of the government employee's ex-husband, who presented computer files documenting Mr. Fisher's S&M behaviors. Copies of emails and computer logs between the government employee and Andrew Fisher were provided at the deposition along with the ex-husband's actual computer on which the information was written. Information regarding the affair had allegedly been sent to James Cox Kennedy, CEO of Cox Enterprises, and others at Cox, but the court ruled he did not have to testify. The divorce trial has been split into a custody hearing and a jury trial on the divorce. A hearing has been scheduled regarding custody at 1 pm on Tuesday, August 12, 2008 at the Superior Court in Fulton County in front of Judge Lane. The hearing will focus on whether the allegations of deviant sexual behaviors and sexual addictions should have an effect on the custody. For Additional Information Contact: [Redacted]

In closing arguments, Kelly's attorney banged on the jury box with his fist, yelled and whispered, laughed and pleaded for more than in hour in his emotion-filled closing.

At one point, Sam Adam Jr. referred to a defense argument made repeatedly during the trial that a mole on the singer's back proved he simply can't be the man in the video.

After displaying a freeze frame of the man's back in the video — with no apparent mole — Adam walked over to the defense table and placed his hand on Kelly's shoulder.

"The truth be told, there is no mole ... that means one thing," Adam told jurors, then paused and lowered his voice. "It ain't him. And if it ain't him, you can't convict."

Prosecutors wrapped up their arguments the same way they began them a month ago: by playing the entire graphic sex tape in open court.

[CNN.com]

Chicago Sun-Times music critic Jim DeRogatis, who first received the infamous R. Kelly kinky child sex tape in the mail, was ordered to testify at the trial. But he refused to show! He's claiming some sort of journalistic privilege to protect his sources, which may or may not actually exist in the eyes of the law. Now the judge is deciding whether to issue a warrant for the reporter's arrest. He could be the Judy Miller of the sex tape circuit!

The whole reason DeRogatis was called in the first place is that the defense team is "interested in what DeRogatis may have done with the tape between the time he received it in early 2002 and when he gave it to police."

As long as he didn't spend that time digitally inserting images of R. Kelly having sex with a minor into it, I don't see how it really matters.

[Tribune]

• I would change the age of consent.

  Two who were kicked off offered this philosophy, one going so far as to suggest that "nature already had an age of [sexual] consent: puberty."

• I (heart) R. Kelly.

  Nothing gets prospective jurors booted faster than telling the prosecution they are a fan of Kelly's. Just ask the woman who called him a "musical genius." When prodded to say something negative about Kelly, the best she could come up with was: "He and [rapper] Jay-Z don't get along?" Prosecutors bounced her soon after.

• I'll change my vacation plans.

  Overeagerness to serve on the jury is a definite red flag to attorneys. When one man offered to rearrange a trip to see his parents, the prosecution bounced him for being star-struck.

• Please call my mom.

  When one juror failed to show up for service, deputies called his house and his mother answered. She told the court that she didn't know where her son was and that he hadn't been "right" since he was shot in the head a while back. The judge and attorneys agreed to let him off the hook.

• I blame R. Kelly for Sept. 11.

  When the judge asked one prospective juror about his feelings regarding Kelly, he cryptically answered: "R. Kelly may have led the Taliban in attacking us on 9-11, but you can't prove it." You're right, we can't. In fact, we're fairly certain that no one has ever tried.

Epstein Shrinks from Plea Bargain [Radar]

"He began to praise her beauty and speak to her, romance her," Mr. Lapham recounted, speaking of Mr. Polanski and Ms. Telle, strangers until that moment. "At one point he had his hand on her leg and he said to her: 'I can put you in the movies. I can make you the next Sharon Tate.'"

Testifying in a libel case setting Mr. Polanski, 71, against Vanity Fair magazine, which reported the anecdote in an article in July 2002, Mr. Lapham said that the incident was embedded in his memory. "I was impressed by the remark, not only because it was tasteless and vulgar, but because it was a clich ," he said.

Whereas Lapham sharing cocktails at Elaine's with a movie director and a model, hey, that's fresh and original.

Lapham Takes Stand in Polanski Libel Trial [NYT]