Yes, coffee. The brown elixir that has provided a legal addiction for so many of you for so long, has been found to cause hallucinations. Sort of. Scientists trying to better understand the nature of hallucinatory experiences found that people who are "high caffeine users" (seven cups of instant coffee a day) are three times more likely to, like, hear people's voices when no one's there than those who only drink about one cup a day. So, um, duh? Coffee makes you jumpy and crazy, especially if you're drinking seven cups a day. But if you really want to trip balls, maybe you could drink like fourteen or twenty-one cups a day and before you know it trees will be growing out of Judy's knees and Tom will have become part of the floor. And for so cheap!

Another good technique that's been circling around the internet for a few days is The Ganzfeld Procedure. It sounds like a Tintin adventure, yes, but it's really quite unexotic. All you do is cut a ping-pong ball in half, put 'em over your eyes, lie down, and put the radio on a static channel. Eventually, due to the lack of sensory stimuli, your brain will come up with its own shit to entertain and engage you. People see horses and talk to dead relatives and stuff. And all that costs you is the price of a ping-pong ball! And a radio, I guess, if you don't have one. Though if you don't have a radio you're probably in worse shape than most and probably shouldn't be spending your time getting ping-pong high anyway.

So spend your peyote money on groceries this month and try these new homemade, DIY methods. Sure you probably can't really roam the streets and effectively imagine that you're in olden times, but you'll still be able to escape (transcend?) the daily mundanity for a moment or two. And that's probably about as much as we can ask for these days.