The tale comes from a blogger who witnessed the shoot, and he's posted what look like authentic photos, so, you know. This is why Chris is so mad:

"I want you to know that she hired a Private Investigator to spy on one of my colleagues; someone in the media." Tucker walks in at that point and I'm literally writing down what he just said on a paper towel so I'd remember that quote. Oh yeah, so Tucker walks in and says, "Yup, he's right, she did hire someone and nobody really talks about it, but I really like her so it doesn't bother me."

Well. Who on Earth would Arianna be spying on? Russert? That would make Chris very, very mad, because he hearts Little Big Tim v v much. But jeez, what is there to even spy on with Russert? Who cares?

Anyway, Chris continued to be more or less a pain, though he came back and apologized for the outburst. And Tucker was apparently a real charmer! Friendly and joking! We've long known him to be an idiotic pain-in-the-ass, but sociopathic narcissists are often totally fun dudes when they've no reason to feel threatened or challenged. Unlike constantly self-doubting Chris, Tucker loves himself.

So the best thing Tucker said to me, after he said, "I eat at least one steak a day...I don't eat bread." He followed that quote with this, "There are three things I love. Cookies, alcohol, and Marlboro Reds."

Not sure if we're buying this anymore! But:

Another kinda funny thing that Tuck did (I'm gonna call him Tuck from now on) was he got a phone call from his publicist or someone, and he answers, "Hello!?!? Oh hey. No - what photo shoot? Oh fuck! I'm still in what's her name's hotel room, I'm tremendously hungover and I'm looking for my boxer shorts - I'll be there soon..."

Then started laughing and said, "I'm just kidding Jack...I'm actually hungover but I'm here with the photo crew..."

Sounds plausible. So who knows!

Update: The rumored private eye was supposedly hired to stalk Tim Russert, after Russert's wife Maureen Orth wrote mean things about Arianna and her gay Republican husband in Vanity Fair. This was back in 1994. Arianna has denied it for years, but apparently Chris Matthews still holds a grudge. Weird.

UPDATE 2 OMG:

So! Tucker denies saying any of the things he is quoted as saying! He emailed Nick (and not your humble day editor, sigh) to set the record "straight":

Nick,

I just read your Gawker item that describes a photo shoot Chris Matthews and I did yesterday morning at NBC in Washington. I have no idea who wrote it, but it's filled with completely false quotes attributed to me. Here's one: I'm described as saying I love cookies, alcohol and cigarettes. Except that I don't smoke and haven't had a drink in six years.

This is my good e-mail address. Please send warning next time you plan to libel me.

Thanks,

Tucker Carlson

One of the things that is kind of funny about Tucker is that he obsessively reads everything written about him on the internet and responds, personally. He once emailed Wonkette to clarify that he doesn't eat at McDonalds, ever. We take him at his word that he said none of these things, but we are actually pretty sure we saw him have a drink at a White House Correspondents Dinner reception once? We could be wrong!

BUT! The guy who published the report from the kid who witnessed the shoot (who has taken the post down) stands by every word of the story, and says the original author doesn't misquote people.

No one said the session was off-record. And [redacted] never signed anything saying it was confidential. Seeing that it was a Conde Nast shoot, Matthews and Carlson were likely just playing their off-screen acts for a magazine. Now everyone is demanding apologies and making threat upon threat. Should [redacted] have written a word for word account? Probably not, but it seems an honest mistake.

FURTHERMORE! Arianna sez Tucker sez he never said anything about the private eye that SHE sez she never hired! It's an ancient rumor that she claims is wholly made up.

And now you know the rest of the story! It's all confused and insane! Nobody knows ANYTHING, as William Goldman used to say about Hollywood.

[Via TVNewser]

As graphics tell you before nearly every commercial break, "The O'Reilly Factor" is "The #1 Show That Dominates Cable News." Last Monday, "culture warrior" Bill O'Reilly showed us exactly why he's on top, both in the ratings and in our hearts, by scoring what can only be termed an "ethical hat trick," as he simultaneously threatened someone, made racist remarks, and displayed—we know you'll be shocked!—political bias.

Bill's moment of pure punditry excellence came when he slammed Democrats who pulled out of a Fox-News sponsored debate in Nevada. While describing politicians who should be "ashamed" of their handling of the situation, O'Reilly said, "You know, we've been really, really kind to Bill Richardson, so he's got some 'splaining to do." With that one deft sentence O'Reilly lets us know that:

1) He will take Bill Richardson out if he needs to.

2) He plays favorites on "The Factor," and...

3) He subconsciously associates the potential first Hispanic President of the United States with Ricky Ricardo. That's the most awesome kind of racism, all nice and deeply-ingrained.

Later on Monday night, Larry King welcomed Bill Maher on "Larry King Live" wondering, "What's America's most controversial comic gonna say next? About the President, about everyone trying to be the next President, and yes, even about Anna Nicole Smith." Yes, that's right folks, even about Anna Nicole Smith. Larry and Bill did not disappoint!

In between ads for osteoporosis medication, Larry spoke with the always smug and nasal Maher about the news of the day. Near the end of the show, the two of them found time to read viewer mail. Since talking about the media-generated debate over the amount of Anna Nicole coverage in the media is a great way to continue covering Anna Nicole, Larry's mail bag included a letter from a viewer who wanted to know Bill's thoughts on the "issue." Maher is a television liberal, so he's good at getting outraged and worked up about trivial shit and he immediately went off on how he thought the large volume of media attention devoted to Anna Nicole' death was, "horrible."

Watching Larry soberly nod along in agreement as Bill said things like, "When something like that happens, it's very hard to find news on a news channel" is a recipe for brain-hurt. As if the overwhelming irony of this exchange wasn't already too much to take, they followed it up with somber coverage of Richard Jeni's suicide.

The dangerously high levels of sanctimoniousness on Monday's show must have taken a toll on Larry too, because by the end of the week his heart literally gave out.

You, sitting at home before your T.V., might think that you'd need some type of credibility to be a respected television political commentator. The producers of Hardball proved that this is not the case on Wednesday when they booked disgraced former newspaper columnist Mike Barnicle to fill in for Chris Matthews.

Barnicle kind of looks like Chris Matthews except with way less hair and way more of a pinched-in, weathered face. This is why, when I first turned on Hardball this past Wednesday, I thought that maybe Matthews had gone through a couple of rounds of chemo over the weekend. I realized this was not the case very quickly, because unlike Chris Matthews, Mike Barnicle is from Massachusetts. You know Barnicle is a Masshole because the folks at Hardball put a picture of Boston behind him. You also know this because he says things like "c-y-andidate" and keeps calling the show "Ha-h-dbawl."

Further proof that you can't take political talk seriously hit the airwaves again on Wednesday in the form of Glenn "I know that's not what Jesus would do, but Jesus doesn't have his own talk show at night does he?" Beck. Glenn Beck is a former drug/addict alcoholic with no political or academic expertise other than a questionable stint at Yale. That utter lack of experience and ability works out fine for Beck, because you don't need to be qualified to spout out often contradictory and nearly always insane opinions and bizarre genocidal fantasies on TV every night.

But let's ignore him. Glenn Beck clearly says most of the crazy shit he says just to get publicity and ratings. Oh I know. Shocking.

Thursday evening was devoted to "Tucker" on MSNBC. At first, this show seemed like a breath of fresh air. Tucker Carlson doesn't scream or shout. He doesn't even talk about child molesters! For a second there I really thought I had found a political talk show that doesn't devolve into histrionics, theatrics, and typical drivel each night.

Following nearly an hour of relevant, even-handed, and intelligent discussion Carlson brought on Willie Geist to talk about all of the inane, abhorrent crap that hadn't made its way into the beginning of the broadcast. Geist opened the floodgates. "Tucker's" descent into media madness culminated when Geist and Carlson were talking about the "ongoing homoerotic tension" on American Idol, and Carlson responded to a video clip of Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell by saying, "my palms are sweating just watching that."

After that, the T.V. was turned off for good. "Meet the Press" would just have to go meet itself.

I went to an advance screening of Poseidon the other night. It was the kind of screening that they give passes out to select industry contacts and people responding to "Get two free passes to Movie X" ads in various papers.

The guy behind us was talking loudly enough about work (in this case, a position at MSNBC) that he could be easily overheard. The gist of his conversation may have had something to do with recent schedule changes, but I could be wrong about that. The upshot that I was clear about was that Keith Olbermann was doing fine in his time slot, and that Tucker Carlson was not going to survive his move to 11:00.

I didn't recognize the guy, but he was mid-50s, lavender shirt and blue blazer, crappy tan. He was clearly not so important that he was able to go to a more private or star-studded premiere.

So when Tucker fails at 11 — and it's MSNBC, so of course he will — remember you heard it here first, courtesy of some crappily tanned guy.

Earlier: Team Party Crash: Tucker Carlson Launch Party

Call 1-877-TCARLSON!

He sounds so jock-ular, I can almost imagine him with his feet up on the desk, bowtie askew, just waiting to talk to me...

She's not wrong.

Still, we're holding out for the Anderson Cooper chat line.

The Situation [MSNBC]