Tucker Max - Gawker

posts about #tuckermax more →
Tucker Max Has an Explanation
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Today's Lies From Tucker Max

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contains_hot_liquid
11/02/09

In reply to Tucker Max Has an Explanation
Cankle wrist. #tuckermax
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VoxPopuli
11/03/09

@contains_hot_liquid: Hearted. #tuckermax
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VoxPopuli was starred VoxPopuli was unstarred

Ben Longo
11/03/09

@VoxPopuli: I was just trying to figure out what the name is for cankle wrist.

Would it be f-rist? Forearm + Wrist. #tuckermax
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CODiva promoted this comment Ben Longo was starred Ben Longo was unstarred

DevilsAvocadoRedux
11/03/09

@contains_hot_liquid: And whatever happened to his upper arm? #tuckermax
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VoxPopuli promoted this comment DevilsAvocadoRedux was starred

CODiva
11/03/09

@Ben Longo: nothing tops cankle wrist... #tuckermax
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CODiva was starred CODiva was unstarred

VoxPopuli
11/03/09

@DevilsAvocadoRedux: There you are! Here, grab my hand and I'll pull you out of the gray area. #tuckermax
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DevilsAvocadoRedux
11/03/09

@VoxPopuli: Lead me into the light, Vox... Grey is just so... blah. #tuckermax
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bluebears
11/02/09

In reply to Tucker Max Has an Explanation
I feel like I saw a lot written about this movie leading up to the release. But...it was probably all on this website. #tuckermax
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bluebears was starred bluebears was unstarred

o-line
11/02/09

In reply to Tucker Max Has an Explanation
For those who are curious and don't wish to visit Max's site: $1,417,696 domestic. #tuckermax
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phlox✔ promoted this comment o-line was starred o-line was unstarred

sarahvendzules
11/02/09

In reply to Tucker Max Has an Explanation
Um, can we please talk about those freakishly tiny hands?
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Bottle-Of-Smoke promoted this comment BicycleShed approved this comment sarahvendzules was starred sarahvendzules was unstarred

Bottle-Of-Smoke
11/03/09

@sarahvendzules: I noticed. Disturbing.

Maybe his heretofore inexplicable bravado comes from the fact that his lil' Tucker Min must look comparatively large in those gnome hands... #tuckermax
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BettyCrocker
11/02/09

In reply to Tucker Max Has an Explanation
He has the face of someone who I should want to make out with, even though I'm not partial to blond guys. Regular features, a square jaw, appealing 5 PM shadow, nice hair.

And yet, I want to punch him instead. Repeatedly, until he squeaks. Perhaps because I can tell just by looking closely that he's not all that clean downtown, or perhaps because I've seen that smirk before, and usually on a Republican cutting funding for HIV treatment.

Apparently, well-tuned gaydar also comes with an asshole detector. #tuckermax
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BettyCrocker was starred BettyCrocker was unstarred

Caius
11/02/09

@BettyCrocker: You know who he looks like in that picture? Michael McDonald, the guy who plays Stuart on MadTV. Not a good picture, and your inclination to punch is more than valid. #tuckermax
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BettyCrocker
11/03/09

@Caius: Wow. Yes, indeed. #tuckermax
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BettyCrocker was starred BettyCrocker was unstarred

Richard Petty Bourgeoisie
11/03/09

@BettyCrocker: I thought gaydar was an asshole detector. Hey oh!!!! #tuckermax
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BettyCrocker
11/03/09

@Richard Petty Bourgeoisie: Well, not always. #tuckermax
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BettyCrocker was starred BettyCrocker was unstarred

heywhat
11/02/09

In reply to Tucker Max Has an Explanation
Did it ever occur to Tucker that this so-called huge fan was maybe lying to him and just didn't want to go see the movie? I think Tucker hasn't realized that his time has passed. He cannot reclaim his glory days. Move on. #tuckermax
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heywhat was starred heywhat was unstarred

OHymenMyHymen
11/02/09

In reply to Tucker Max Has an Explanation
I market movies for a living. Therefore I can officially diagnose the problem with the film as being three-fold.

-The film went too wide, too fast. A grassroots campaign doesn't work out to a 140 screen release. It needed to slowly ramp up.

-He played only to his fanbase, nobody that hasn't read the book has heard of him, and therefore the movie.

-Tucker Max is a fucknugget, and the only way non-fucknuggets will see his movie is if it features him getting repeatedly sodomized by a subway turnstile. #tuckermax
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RandomLunatic
11/02/09

@OHymenMyHymen: Marry me. #tuckermax
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Tiger Lourdes: Zombie Hunter
11/02/09

@OHymenMyHymen: As a fellow movie marketer I commend you for finding an eloquent way to use the word "fucknugget". Well played. #tuckermax
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RandomLunatic promoted this comment

pureblarney
11/02/09

@RandomLunatic: Tucker Max is a fucknugget, and the only way non-fucknuggets will see his movie is if it features him getting repeatedly sodomized by a subway turnstile.

I'll preside, if you include this as reception entertainment. #tuckermax
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RandomLunatic
11/02/09

@pureblarney: It's like you read my mind there. Part of the vows, actually. #tuckermax
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VoxPopuli
11/03/09

@OHymenMyHymen: I suspect the subway turnstile scene would also suffer from the "too wide, too fast" problem. #tuckermax
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goetz
11/03/09

@VoxPopuli: Hearted for that. Hey, what happened to my star!?
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VoxPopuli promoted this comment Edited by goetz at 11/03/09 8:17 AM goetz was starred goetz was unstarred

VoxPopuli
11/03/09

@goetz: I don't know, but you're all gray, too. But maybe you won't be after I reply.
Thanks for the heart. #tuckermax
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goetz
11/03/09

@VoxPopuli: I guess that's what I get for never having anything constructive to say. #tuckermax
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goetz was starred goetz was unstarred

MrHaroHaro
11/02/09

In reply to Tucker Max Has an Explanation
America simply wasn't ready for this movie. They haven't sunk that low yet. Which is something that makes me feel good at the end of it all. America still has some standards. #tuckermax
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Phyllis Nefler promoted this comment MrHaroHaro was starred MrHaroHaro was unstarred

BicycleShed
11/02/09

In reply to Tucker Max Has an Explanation
The movie did so poorly that its box office take never even merited mention by Nikki Finke. That has to hurt. As must the box office performance of Paranormal Activity. Poor old, sagging Butter Face, outsmarted by a video game designer. #tuckermax
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Colander
11/02/09

In reply to Tucker Max Has an Explanation
I know they advertised during sports, and so, in the 2 weeks preceding release, I know his fans had ways of being aware, as I know non-Gawker readers who I chatted with about the ads.

Also, movies that suck still manage to make money, so neither of those explanations really works for me. I would say it's more 'ineffective' advertising (via shitty clips used) mixed with people giving less of a shit than his book sales imply. #tuckermax
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Colander was starred Colander was unstarred

RheaPollstry
11/02/09

In reply to Tucker Max Has an Explanation
Don't lie, Tucker! You were about to go down on that fatty before you were interrupted by the photog. #tuckermax
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Flashman promoted this comment RheaPollstry was starred RheaPollstry was unstarred

Private Hangnail
11/02/09

In reply to Tucker Max Has an Explanation
The adage about the turd and polishing it comes to mind... #tuckermax
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tetragami
11/03/09

@Private Hangnail: Polishing the Tucker Max turd is just a fancy way of saying there's shit smeared on the wall. #tuckermax
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tetragami was starred tetragami was unstarred

Spirit Fingers
11/02/09

In reply to Tucker Max Has an Explanation
I'm thinking once the studio was made aware that there was a "poo" scene in the movie, and there was no presence of Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, or nary a Seth Green even, yeah, they decided they'd just chalk this one up to, "Ideas we went with when we were too drunk to find a reason why it would suck, other than the obvious involvement by that puke-stain Max, who we really should have bounced out of here on his bloated, tumor sized ego, and saved our money for a sequel to All About Steve or something equally as lucrative." #tuckermax
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DevilsAvocadoRedux
11/03/09

@Spirit Fingers: ... Now, if only there had been a melange of poo scenes and Jonah brothers... now THAT would be entertaining. #tuckermax
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Spirit Fingers promoted this comment DevilsAvocadoRedux was starred

Conchie Birdie
11/02/09

In reply to Tucker Max Has an Explanation
Maybe your marketing failed because you a. bought adspace on failblog and b. used said space to go after someone with a cheap shot at their private life - thus making it more obvious that you are a worthless piece of shit.

Lesson learned: acting like a douchebag can only get you so far.

Tucker Max, your 15 mins. expired 20 minutes ago. Go away now - maybe you'll get lucky and Inside Edition will interview you in four or five years.
#tuckermax
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Conchie Birdie was starred Conchie Birdie was unstarred

Cassie
11/03/09

@Conchie Birdie: Still cant get over the irony of advertising on Failblog! #tuckermax
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Conchie Birdie promoted this comment Cassie was starred Cassie was unstarred

Muggs Bigglesworth
11/02/09

In reply to Tucker Max Has an Explanation
I love that he relates everything back to the 18-19 yr old haze that most of us realized was just a passing way for us to navigate social obstacles.

Everything is not about tricking people into liking you, dude.

It's also precious that he can't even own up to the shitty product. Tough being a grownup, I guess, right Tucker?

And who the fuck is named Tucker, anyway?

Get off my lawn. #tuckermax
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Airvault promoted this comment Muggs Bigglesworth was starred

Awesome X
11/02/09

@Muggs Bigglesworth: Tucker Carlson. There's a Tucker Quayle, son of the awesome former VP. Basically, if you're young and smug and idiotic and have questionable taste in neckwear, you might be a Tucker. #tuckermax
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Awesome X was starred Awesome X was unstarred

Muggs Bigglesworth
11/03/09

@Awesome X: I knew Tucker Carlson was most obvious. It's still my favorite George Carlin bit of all time.

THESE ARE NOT REAL NAMES #tuckermax
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Muggs Bigglesworth was starred

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