According to The Palm Beach Post, a 53-year-old Florida woman is facing criminal charges after, authorities allege, she stabbed her boyfriend for threatening her turtle.

Canadian Kai Xu was caught at the Detroit border crossing with 51 live turtles taped to his legs and his groin. His smuggling attempt was botched by both his bulging sweatpants and an extensive surveillance operation by U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service agents, according to The Guardian:

On Monday, a man traveling from southern China to Beijing with his pet hamburger was stopped by airport security because, whoops, his hamburger was actually a live turtle that he was praying everyone would mistake for a hamburger.

Tea Party conservatives are furious over the IRS admission that self-declared non-profit groups with the words "Tea Party" or "Patriots" in their names were checked for political activity not allowed by the rules for 501(c) not-for-profit organizations. What's wrong with a good charity named Tea Party Patriots,…

Some awful person in a San Diego neighborhood taped a turtle to several large balloons, and then let go. Eventually the flying turtle became stuck in a large tree, where a neighbor spotted it.

Today it was time for an annual ritual, the day when the diamondback terrapins that live near JFK airport force one of the runways to close while they crawl across it to go lay their eggs. Can't we find a permanent solution to this?

Poor Tzvika! Thanks to an unfortunate incident with a lawnmower, our little turtle friend has trouble using her back legs. Luckily, vets at the Ramat Gan Safari in Israel were able to help her out with a pair of wheels.

Did you know that baby tortoises climb rock walls? Have you ever seen so many baby tortoises together? Here they are, in a tank at a pet store.

When you have a ride this nice, you definitely want to go slow for all the haters to see. This kitten looks clueless, bewildered about how he got on top of a turtle.

An eight-year-old Florida boy donated his turtle, Tomalina, to an aquarium. While he was there, an alligator ate it. The boy screamed "Oh no alligator, let it go," while it crunched on the shell. He'll never donate to charity again.

So this turtle really doesn't like cats. Watch as the obnoxious little reptile takes a bite out of numerous furry felines, who are just minding their own business. It's what cats do.

Hey Dog, just cancel your doggy playdate or whatever it is you dogs do these days, you ain't never gonna get there riding this turtle.

This turtle has fallen on his back and he can't get up! Luckily, his turtle friend will not rest until he is back on his feet.

The animal kingdom never ceases to amaze us with its majesty, splendor, unpredictability... oh, yeah—and horniness. Sometimes, all you can say is "Wow," and that's exactly what this turtle does—repeatedly, and enthusiastically—during sex with his boo. Video inside.

America is a nation in need of healing. But no healing shall be had. Because two of our most important toothpaste manufacturers are locked in legal battle to the death over the future of nurdles. Nurdles on packages. Toothpaste packages.

Did you fly in or out of Kennedy Airport this morning and find yourself delayed for a good hour and a half or so? There's a good explanation for that. One of the runways was shut down after a pilot reported running over some turtles, and wildlife control workers later had to remove 78 diamondback turtles who'd…