Gawker: Twins

Brangelina Babies: Official Report

ian spiegelman — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 11:01:25 EDT

A boy and a girl, last night, in France. Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline. By C-section.

Jolie-Pitt Super-Twins Arrive on Earth

ian spiegelman — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 17:11:33 EDT

Well, they're here. "Angelina Jolie gave birth today to two baby girls at a French hospital in Nice, sources told In Touch Weekly. The much-ballyhooed twins were born in good health and under the watchful eye of Jolie's beau, Brad Pitt, an insider said. The 33-year-old actress gave birth by ceasarean section at 6 p.m. (France time) in a La Fondation Lenval hospital room fully protected from the lenses of paparazzi. The first baby was born at 6:45 p.m. The second girl entered the world 15 minutes later." [NYDN] Update: But maybe not! "Despite recent reports, 'Extra' has confirmed that Angelina Jolie has NOT given birth to her twins. In an emailed statement regarding the reports, spokesperson for the Lenval Hospital in Nice, France, Nadine Bauer, says, 'It is wrong information.' Bauer also said that all information regarding Jolie would be posted on Lenval’s official website."

Olsen Twins Want You to Stop Calling Them Twins

Richard — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 16:30:00 EDT

When Caroline Tell, the Accessories Market Editor for Women's Wear Daily, was arranging an interview Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen to talk about their new jewelery line for their Elizabeth and James label, she was surprised to hear, from their publicist, that she was not to refer to the famous acting and entrepreneuring twins as, well, twins. Or even as sisters.

In fact, she was forced to do two separate interviews. Which, OK, so I understand that they want to start becoming individuals rather than this packaged twosome, but, um, isn't their business entirely based on the fact that they are sisters and, yes, twins? Their billion-dollar corporation, built on silly movies and books and TV shows and clothes that were very much about being twins, is called Dualstar for God's sake. I guess Mary-Kate has had some acting roles by herself and Ashley... Uh, Ashley probably does stuff alone, too. But c'mon. To her credit, Tell went on to call them "diminutive twins" anyway.

Starbucks Barista Once Tried to Fatten Up the Olsen Twins

Richard — Wed, 21 May 2008 12:45:00 EDT

Ha! A former barista for the small coffee shop chain Starbucks has come forward and admitted to switching whole milk for skim when making caffeine cocktails for the Olsen twins. Mary Kate and Ashley have been frequent and loyal customers of the humble little java huts over the years, and have also (well, especially Mary Kate) been involved in various "so skinny!" grumblings. "The barista thought the Olsens were too thin, so whenever they ordered their usual drink, he would replace the skim milk with full-fat," said a source. What a nefarious, strangely philanthropic plot.

The twins' publicist said the whole (heh) thing is "ridiculous," and an anonymous friend of the twins says "it's also my worst nightmare — that and getting a huge diet fountain soda that is mistakenly regular Coke — but I can def(initely) taste the difference, so it's their own fault if they fell victim." Oh, def. When I'm guzzling grande lattes to get off the no-food shakes, I'm definitely piquing my taste buds for milk fattiness. Worst. Nightmare. Ever. [The Scoop]

What Has J-Lo Spawned?

Nick Denton — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:57:37 EDT

Take another look at that $6m spread in People on Jennifer Lopez's newborn twins. It's a picture of parental bliss. The actress displays the requisite ecstasy as she and husband Marc Anthony skip down the front drive, each pushing a stroller. (For $6m, People had a right to a bit of a show.) But turn to page 55, and look closely at Emme Maribel, the couple's daughter. Some dark intelligence is evident behind those eyes. For the close-up:

$3m Per Twin

Nick Denton — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 09:31:42 EDT

So this is what People's $6m bid has bought. The Time Inc. magazine is finally publishing those pricey photos of Jennifer Lopez and her new twins. But no Marc Anthony: the performer's husband, unlike Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt, for instance, isn't famous enough to add value to the image—which makes the price paid by People all the more extraordinary. Not only is Marc Anthony a net negative; Jennifer Lopez herself is past the peak of fame that she reached when dating Ben Affleck. But competition between celebrity weeklies has sharpened since the weeklies paid $4m for Brangelina's baby; that has caused general inflation in the price of photos; and nothing trumps the visual appeal of twins except, maybe, triplets. Awww.

Ashley Alexandra Dupre And Scott Storch: Separated At Birth?

Hamilton Nolan — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:30:05 EDT

Upon close examination of the latest evidence, Eliot Spitzer's overpriced call girl Ashley Alexandra Dupre appears to in fact be twins with—or possibly the same person as—overpriced hip hop producer Scott Storch. Have you ever seen them in the same place together at the same time? We haven't. Just think about it. The visuals really make the case; after the jump, a photographic lineup that says more than words ever could.

WHICH IS WHICH?

[Ashley Dupre pics via Us]

Crime Doesn't Pay, But Neither Does Gay Porn

Sheila — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 18:29:57 EST

As Fleshbot reported earlier this week, big trouble for gay porn stars in Philly! A pair of twins, those adorable scamps, got into a pinch of mischief: arrested for rooftop robberies! Fun fact: "The twins are the focus of a tristate Rooftop Burglary Task force, led by New Jersey investigators, the state where many of the 40-some rooftop burglaries have been committed over the last 18 months," reports the Philadelphia Daily News. After the jump: Keyontyli Goffney's modeling portfolio. (His brother, bad seed Taleon, mainly has a rap sheet a mile long. He once escaped from cops by swimming across a pond, yelling, "You can't catch me!")

OLSEN TWINS IN STARBUCKS SHUTDOWN PERIL

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 14:39:49 EST

"Starbucks will close 7,100 stores nationwide for three hours on the evening of Feb. 26 to retrain about 135,000 in-store employees and people who oversee the stores." But has anyone thought about the CELEBRITIES?

Fear!

Deprivation!

And despair!

How To Create An "Odd News" Hit In One Easy Step

Pareene — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 14:27:43 EST

So the story about the twins, separated at birth, who accidentally married each other years later? The sole source is a speech by a nutty pro-life former MP on the floor of the irrelevant House of Lords in the UK. And there are no names nor identifying details. There is so little to this story that CNN.com could not actually squeeze three separate, distinct "STORY HIGHLIGHT" bullet points to summarize up top. Happy Friday! If it's not a slow news day, your newsmedia shall create one. [CNN]

Heidi Montag's 'Leaked' Single Is Heinous, Duh

Emily Gould — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 09:00:13 EST

Heidi Montag's song 'Touch Me' is online and it makes you realize how talented Britney Spears is. [P*r*z, sorry!]
Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling were spotted sharing a "cozy cigarette" outside a restaurant, which means they must be doing it. [Page Six]
'Full House' castmembers John Stamos and Bob Saget reunited with the Olsen twins for a night of drinking, which is weird. [Page Six]

Mary Kate Olsen In Her Underwear And Trapper Hat!

Joshua Stein — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 12:30:05 EST

Those compact sources of merriment and cocaine, the Olsen twins, are being picked on by animal loving hippie dippie organization PETA for following their pint-sized consciences viz. wearing fur. What PETA did was take their surname, Olsen, and then alter it in a way that preserves its recognizability while imbuing it with a negative connotation! Thus they are called, on a PETA website, the Trollsen Twins. On the website, users are also invited to dress the denuded twins in gruesome yet trendy fur accoutrements. Though the faces of the twins have been altered to suggest leprosy, or at the least, acne, and a greenish hue suggests illness, this is probably your only chance to see Mary-Kate Olsen in her underwear wearing our favorite headgear, the fur trapper hat.

The Olsen twins have put their five-bedroom ...

Jen — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 13:30:27 EST

The Olsen twins have put their five-bedroom penthouse apartment at One Morton Square up for sale. $11.995 mil for 5,725 square feet, 53 windows, and, according to one of the brokers at Corcoran, "a separate staff exit; you can have the most fabulous parties." [NYO]

Gossip Roundup: Cocaine Kate Free to Hoover Again

Jessica — Thu, 15 Jun 2006 12:14:10 EDT

• Kate Moss will not be charged with possession stemming from her September '05 cover shoot with the UK's Daily Mirror. Apparently something about a lack of evidence or being able to definitively prove she was bumping rails of blow and not, say, powdered sugar. You know how those skinny models love their powdered sugar! [Guardian]
• Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams didn't mean to snub Howard Stern at Nobu last week; they were just having "a very deep conversation about something in our personal life," says Ledger. Go ahead and read into that all you want, but they were likely just whining about Brooklyn. [Page Six]
• MSNBC host Keith Olbermann apologizes for telling a viewer to go fuck his mother. That was meant for Rita Cosby. [Lowdown]
• In a remarkable display of maturity, Lindsay Lohan turns down a round of shots, noting that she's underage. She still stayed out until 7 AM — thankfully, there's no age restrictions on marching powder. [R&M (bottom of page)]
• And after all that partying, Lohan still has the energy to be Madonna's new BFF. Though admittedly the starlet's not thrilled about getting Britney Spears' sloppy seconds. [Scoop]
• Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood has headed off to rehab. How are these guys even alive enough to be addicts? Were they all given new livers at some point in the mid-90s? [Fox411 (2nd item)]
• First daughter Barbara Bush uses Craigslist for job-hunting. Suddenly, we soften. Just a little. [Page Six]

Did You Know That Accessories Have Their Own Council?

Jessica — Thu, 10 Nov 2005 08:00:36 EST

We sort of hate ourselves for not attending Tuesday night's Accessories Council Excellence awards, held at Cipriani's 42nd Street lair. The event was, it seems, the place to be if your attention is sharply focused on the movements of Jessica Simpson and the twitches of the twins Olsen — but, you know, we were feeling gassy and According to Jim was on, so we just stayed in.

What we missed in our absence: Jessica Simpson showed up sans faux-hubby Nick, despite having a seat reserved for him at dinner. Scandal-ish! And those Olsens were honored for their dedication to advancement in accessories, presumably for their fashion allegiance to wearing no less than 12 large necklaces at any given time, as well as their refusal to carry a Paddington bag without the accompanying Starbucks cup (duly noted by the astute Boldface) and box of Marlboro Reds.

As Opposed to What Exactly, Diddy? [NYT]

Mary-Kate Olsen, College Dropout

Jessica — Fri, 14 Oct 2005 17:30:45 EDT

It's official: Mary-Kate Olsen, the tragically-rich Bolivian mascot of hard-partying twins everywhere, has left NYU. You know what they say: If you love an anorexic squirrel, set it free.

On a side note, we love that this is a People exclusive. If by "exclusive," they mean "via mass email sent out yesterday by Olsen reps, simultaneously, to every celebrity weekly in the world," then, sure, we suppose that's an exclusive.

Mary-Kate Olsen Leaving NYU [People]

Contrary to Popular Belief, Ashley Olsen Feels Pain

Jessica — Wed, 05 Oct 2005 09:05:54 EDT

Contrary to popular belief, the worst enemy of the celebrity class is not the tabloidian gossip culture. Rather, it's education — specifically, education within earshot of someone with a blog:

TA guy: There are different types of pains, some of which go all the way to the brain and others that only go to the spinal cord.

Ashley Olsen: So do, like, emotional pains go to the brain?

—NYU Psychology building, Washington Place

Oh, young Ashley. No, emotional pains do not go to your brain. They go to Jeffrey or, more likely, your dealer.

Not as Fast as Bolivian Marching Powder [OINY]

Gossip Roundup: Paris Steals Mary-Kate's Boyfriend

Jessica — Tue, 04 Oct 2005 11:07:05 EDT

• Not even a week after Paris Hilton officially announced the break-off of her engagement to Paris Latsis, the heiress has been spotted skanking around with Stavros Niarchos, aka Mary-Kate Olsen's boyfriend. If our little squirrel twin goes into an anorexic tailspin because of this, we will kill Hilton with our bare hands. Bitch. [Page Six]
• Because everyone (but you) has a book deal, CNN's silver hearthrob Anderson Cooper is reportedly pulling around $1 million for a memoir of the past year of his life. Even more amazing: The furious bidding war for Cooper's tome was sparked by, well, nothing — there's no proposal, no outline, just the magic of Coop. [Lowdown]
• What's up with Lindsay Lohan's crankypants? They certainly don't fit her well, especially now that she's eating. [Page Six]
• Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore may be legally married, but their crackpot Kabbalah rabbi wasn't ordained — meaning their union is less kosher than a pulled pork sandwich.
• When things don't go well at Damon Dash's America mag, the Roc-a-fella co-founder throws punches. [R&M]

Gossip Roundup: Mary-Kate Will Kick Your Ass

Jessica — Fri, 09 Sep 2005 12:30:50 EDT

• This might be the most inconsequential gossip item ever, but still one of our favorites. After hearing that model May Anderson supposedly hit on her ex, David Katzenberg, Marlboro woman Mary-Kate Olsen was on a street corner, screaming into her cellphone, "I'll kill that fucking slut!" Awesome: What we wouldn't pay to see MK get violent. It'd be like watching a rabid squirrel decimate an acorn. [Page Six]
• As part of the Scientology Disaster Relief Action Special Thetan Squad, actor John Travolta gave massages to hurricane victims. Strapping, young, masculine hurricane victims, no doubt. [R&M (2nd item)]
• Actress and Coldplay groupie Gwyneth Paltrow continues to ride her high horse all over the damn place, claiming that she keeps a log of paparazzi incidents because of the danger posed to her fruity daughter. [Page Six]
• Former Jane editor Jane Pratt tells The Daily that the "She's So Jane" campaign to for new EIC Brandon Holley definitely wasn't her idea. No shit. [Lowdown (2nd to last)]
• Roger Friedman finally gets to write Fabian Basabe's name in his column, dies of pervy happiness. [Fox411 (bottom)]

Gossip Roundup: "Well, We Were Told To Toss The Salad, So ..."

Leitch — Thu, 25 Aug 2005 12:11:42 EDT

• This would explain why the hollandaise sauce had a little extra kick; four employees were fired from Bistro Du Vent for having a wild orgy on the top of the bar. [Page Six]
• Mary-Kate Olsen — we know her as "MK," because we've got our finger on the pulse — might be modeling for Calvin Klein. Clothes, we think. [Scoop]
• Justin Timberlake wins court case against British tabloid. What, with this and his sudden ability to grow a beard, this kid, he's going places. [R&M (third item)]
• Jerry Seinfeld on a kid-every-two-years pace. He now has enough children to write a wacky sitcom about their romantic foibles and the little things in life that nobody ever notices, like why Grape Nuts are neither grapes nor nuts. [Page Six]
• If you write about something weird that Liza Minnelli does, does it even count as gossip? Or is it simply the way of the universe? [Lowdown]

Remainders: Does Anyone Have $35K We Could Borrow?

Jessica — Fri, 22 Jul 2005 18:20:48 EDT

• Dammit, we're just minutes too late, as it seems someone has already rented out Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's $35,000-a-month, never-inhabited Morton Square PleasureDome. And to think, we were so close to vomiting with the stars! [The Real Estate]
• The NYPD Safe List: If you're white, you win. [Muk Report]
• We, too, have wondered where the jock straps have gone. Just when we were old enough to touch a warm one, they went out of style. Life is so unfair. [Slate]
• CNN explores the "gay side" of Desperate Housewives, as if there were any other kind. [CNN]
• It's the Gray Lady Gone Wild, Ozarks Edition.[NYT]

Remainders: Mary-Kate Learns to Smile

Jessica — Fri, 08 Jul 2005 18:20:01 EDT

• Finally, at last, Mary-Kate Olsen seems to have found happiness. She's bouncing! She's in love! She's even tan! Danny Tanner is nowhere to be found! [yeeeah]
• This is, perhaps, the most frightening interview with Katie Holmes to date. Joey Potter is gone, gang, and she ain't coming back. [Style]
• Pray, won't you, for this uninjured American jackass in London. Pray that he's not murdered within the next 24 hours. [Reuters]
• Now you can wear your Lohan. You're thrilled, and you know it. [I'm a Slavophile]
• As if it weren't freaky enough that Alberto "Quaint" Gonzalez is the Great Liberal Hope for the Supreme Court, now it turns out Sandra Day is a rabbi. [Forward]

Gossip Roundup: Epithets, Star Rooms, and Olsens, Oh My!

Jessica — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 11:17:49 EDT

· Ralph Nader says the n-word, sign-stealing in the Hamptons, and Mary-Kate Olsen drops it like its hot at B8 — could this be the best Lloyd Grove column ever? [Lowdown]
· We're not sure which is more entertaining: That Bobby Brown was told he'd have to wait 45 minutes to be seated for dinner, or the fact that this happened at the Times Square Olive Garden. [Page Six]
· The decorations and accoutrements for a showplace penthouse at the Trump Park Avenue have been stolen, but no Vogue assistants were spotted on the scene. [R&M]
· The Mercer Hotel is going to love that one of its former employees has been outed as keeping an online documentation of the celebrity debauchery she witnessed. [Page Six]

Happy Birthday, Innocent Olsen Twins

Jessica — Mon, 13 Jun 2005 16:58:37 EDT

We were going to make this announcement earlier today, but who the hell gets up before 4 PM? Certainly not the Olsen twins — or, as we like to call them, the BIRTHDAY GIRLS! Wheee!

Can you believe that it was just 19 years ago to this day that Danny Tanner was blessed with two magnificent little bundles of gold? Gosh, in only two years, they'll be old enough to drink and before you know it, we'll start seeing them totter in and out of Butter and Pastis at all hours, smoking cigarettes and playing with Lindsay Lohan in the B8 bathrooms... But for now, our Olsens are young, unspoiled, and full of promise. Happy birthday, ladies. We're so, so proud of you both.

Mary-Kate's Big Boy Toy: The Mathematical Equation

Jessica — Thu, 26 May 2005 17:07:24 EDT

We'd never, ever call ourselves journalists, but a little investigative reporting* and some reader support has revealed the identity of Mary-Kate's personal leviathan. As confirmed by the above photos and a little handiwork on our TI-84 (formula shown above), the littlest Olsen's largest lover is indeed Stavros Niarchos III — or Stav, as his kitesurfing friends (don't ask) call him.

*By investigative reporting, we clearly mean the removal of our heads from our asses.

Mary-Kate's Mystery Date, By Hasbro

Pareene — Wed, 25 May 2005 19:15:13 EDT

One of these men is the Olsen-eating giant seen walking arm-in-lifeless-arm with Mary-Kate. But which?
They are, clockwise from top-left, current favorite Brendan Fraser circa Encino Man, Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos (only available picture — possibly his grandfather), moody pseudo-intellectual Daniel Kruglikov, and John Lithgow as Roberta in the film adaptation of The World According To Garp. If it's the last one, there may be even more to this story than we thought. -AP

Earlier: Mary-Kate Olsen, Size Queen? [Gawker]

Mary-Kate Olsen, Size Queen?

Jessica — Wed, 25 May 2005 09:30:55 EDT

Ever since the first spring sighting of elusive wildflower Mary-Kate Olsen, our minds have been more or less stuck on two remarkably pressing issues: One, how the hell is she still alive? And two, who in God's name is that gargantuan beast holding her hand?

Unfortunately, we don't know the answer to that first question — we here at Gawker are scientists, not psychics. Regarding Mary-Kate's accomplice, however, a reader has suggested that the gentle giant is Daniel Kruglikov of Sasson Pictures and, more predictably, Bungalow 8. His Friendster profile indicates that Daniel would be perfect for Mary-Kate: He has an interest in narcolepsy, an affinity for Thundercats, and a fondness for overpriced party favors and caloric restriction.

We certainly hope Mary-Kate has found love. She needs someone to lean on, to get her through the rough times, to drag her to Butter when she needs it the most. Mazel Tov, you crazy kids.
Update: It could also be Greek shipping heir (is there any other kind?) Stavros Niarchos III, as she's been recently seen with him. We're having a hard time finding his pics, however, and we like the Daniel-from-Friendster dude better — he knows people that work for Crobar. Crobar, dammit!
UpdateUpdate: Several of you have suggested that he could also be Brendan Fraser circa Encino Man, which has us dying to make a weasel-oriented joke. But we'll restrain ourselves. For your sake.

Daniel [Friendster]
Hot Time, Munchkin In The City [Gawker]

Hot Time, Munchkin In The City

Jessica — Tue, 24 May 2005 08:37:06 EDT

Like a hyacinth breaking through the frozen earth, watch as our favorite perennial Olsen springs from her bulb. It's early in the season and her stems are clearly weak, but the delicate Mary-Kate has nonetheless emerged. Someone notify the Styles desk.

Mary Kate Olsen Gets Her Own Giant [Media Martini]

To Do, This Weekend: Heidi or Keisha?

Jessica — Fri, 01 Apr 2005 15:00:52 EST

Friday:
· What the hell was Christopher Walken thinking when he agreed to be in Gigli? Ask him tonight, when Citizen Walken takes you on a journey through the synapses and dendrites of a very creepy brain.
· Teenage popsters the Harlem Shakes are no more Harlem than Barbra Streisand. But unlike Babs, these boys are under 20, and hey, they went to Dalton.
Saturday:
· Dirty secret: we rented Nadia, the movie about the Olympic gymnast Nadia Comaneci, so many times that the video store clerk finally just gave it to us for free. If you too have an insatiable appetite for short girls in leotards, then head to Madison Square Garden for the Visa's American Cup.
· Grab your free spirit and hit the NYC Grassroots Media Conference, where, among other things, you can hear a lecture on "Examining White Privilege in Independent Media," a topic which, for the record, we know absolutely nothing about.
Sunday:
· It's Believer night at KGB Bar , so fuck the Oscars and try to get with Heidi Julavits.
· Eh, who are we kidding? You're not leaving the house tonight. Keisha Castle-Hughes 4EVA!

Gossip Roundup: Mary-Kate Continues To Suffer

Jessica — Mon, 21 Mar 2005 09:34:44 EST

· Save Mary-Kate Olsen...from Adam Duritz. Our beloved waif was forced to endure a conversation with the Counting Crows singer at B8. Poor girl just can't catch a break. [ELK (2nd item)]
· After an episode of PoweR Girls in which Lizzie Grubman fucks shit up by planting an unfavorable gossip item about The Lohan, Lindsay is reportedly "hurt." That is, assuming she can still feel pain. [R&M (2nd item)]
· Desperate to clean up her image for her trial, rapper Lil' Kim hits up Marc Jacobs, Tufi Duek, and Moschino for some free legal-wear. She's denied, however, by the respectable Bill Blass, who apparently only cleans up the likes of Paris Hilton. [Gatecrasher]
· Halle Berry is the latest star to flee the William Morris Agency after president Dave Wirtschafter's tirade in last week's New Yorker. [Page Six]

Gossip Roundup: Mary-Kate Avoids Glossy Covers

Jessica — Mon, 14 Mar 2005 09:44:51 EST

· Harper's Bazaar has been trying to book Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen for a cover (one which could actually revive the mag), but reps keep saying Ashley's unavailable. In reality, it's Mary-Kate who's avoiding the spotlight. Wisely, we might add. [ELK (2nd item)]
· Supermodel Kate Moss and ex-Libertine Pete Doherty are reportedly engaged. If Pete can stay out of rehab long enough, they might actually get married, too! [Page Six]
· Nightclub Kos is a trendy financial sinkhole, but celebrity investors Lenny Kravitz and Denzel Washington don't seem to care. [Lowdown]
· Naomi Campbell has a new lover, 24-year-old Brazilian Sergio Marone. Hopefully this one is young and hearty enough to withstand a few blows to the skull. [R&M (2nd item)]
· The gossip monkeys continue to throw their feces at one another. [Gatecrasher (bottom of page)]
· Britney on being a grown-up: "Like omigod, I have to tell the maid to buy diapers and get the pool boy to walk the dog? Can t I just make out with Kevin all the time? Being married sucks." [Scoop]

'NYT' Tries To Kill Off Mary-Kate

Jessica — Mon, 07 Mar 2005 11:39:28 EST

If the Times identifies a trend, you know it s already over. Sadly, this is bad news for our precious little Mary-Kate Olsen, who was dubbed by this weekend s Styles section as a fashion star. If it were coming from any other source, this might be interpreted as a compliment, but instead the Times praises Olsen s style of Dumpster dressing:

Mary-Kate's look became dottier and dottier, until it morphed into a kind of homeless masquerade, one that was accented by subtle luxuries like a cashmere muffler, a Balenciaga lariat bag and of course her signature carryout latte from Starbucks.
[...]
Ms. Olsen is a fashion pauvre, and so is her equally funky twin, Ashley (the other self-made millionaire N.Y.U. freshman). Their style would seem to mark them as front-runners for Earl Blackwell's worst-dressed list. In fact the twins are trendsetters for the latest hipster look.
[...]
"She makes skinny girls in baggy clothes look cool," [stylist Karen] Berenson said.

Want in on this trend while it's still twitching? Copping MK's style is easier than you think, if you'd just put down that muffin.

Mary-Kate, Fashion Star [NYT]

Jenna Bush, Post-Post-Post-Inauguration

Jessica — Mon, 24 Jan 2005 10:00:20 EST

A reader sends us what we believe is a compelling snapshot of first twin Jenna Bush, naturally enjoying her daddy's new mandate:

The dress certainly fits, but that drink seems a little small for her. Rest assured, one second later her father cut in—with a chaser.

More Tabloid Insight: Olsens Trump Tsunami Taste

Jessica — Thu, 13 Jan 2005 14:00:23 EST

We were momentarily upset by the insensitivity reflected in Star magazine's online graphic but, once we read the article, we were hit with a tidal wave of emotion. It seems things are not improving for our favorite figurines, the Olsen twins:

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen rang in the new year in Miami, beginning the night with an invite-only, sit-down dinner at the trendy Shelborne Beach Resort — though eyewitnesses say that they didn't eat.

Oh, sweet Jesus. Will the tragedies never end? How many natural disasters can we take right now? Can an Olsen Relief Gala be far behind? Will it be organized by Noel Ashman?
Star Magazine

Olsens To Bottle The Scent Of Child Labor

Jessica — Fri, 07 Jan 2005 09:18:21 EST

Because Britney Spears' Curious fragrance doesn't quite capture the essence of awesomeness that you've been so desperately seeking and Paris Hilton's self-titled scent smells like skank-ass, uber-twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are entering the perfume party with not one but two fragrances: Coast to Coast NY and Coast to Coast LA. Get it? Two girls, two perfumes, two coasts? It's marketing genius! Will the Ashley scent smell like Butter co-owner Scott Sartiano? Will Mary-Kate's fragrance recall the odors of rehab while balancing a delicate, underlying hint of Starbucks? Will both evoke the bouquet of a multimillion dollar Morton Square condo? You'll have to wait until spring to find out. In the meantime, you can imitate the twins' signature smells by splashing yourself with Red Bull and rubbing Nobu's black cod with miso on your pulse points.
Smells Like Double Trouble [The Daily]

Remainders: Evil Olsens, Evil Traders, Evil Condos

Jessica — Mon, 03 Jan 2005 16:35:26 EST

· It s a long and twisted fantasy involving a wicked Lord Zalamit, but the moral of the story is simple: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen will persuade thousands of people to commit suicide. Given the current NYU track record for self-inflicted harm, this doesn t seem too far-fetched. [Mary-Kate And Ashley Olsen Are Evil]
· We ve been purposely ignoring the new lifestyle magazine Trader Monthly, which targets Wall Street s finest metrosexuals, but Mediabistro can t resist. After all, the mag involves cocaine-laced dream analysis. [Mediabistro]
· Remarkably, Drudge has gone the entire day without putting a heee-larious tsunami photo at the top of his page. [Drudge]
· Law And Order: Criminal Intent continues to mirror reality (but in a far more entertaining fashion), as last night s storyline resembled the fiasco that is a Richard Meier condo. [Curbed]

It's A Small World After All

Jessica — Mon, 03 Jan 2005 10:15:01 EST

You know it's going to be a fabulous year, full of peace and joy, when the Olsen twins are reunited with their Full House uncle, ~~Jesse~~ John Stamos. Our favorite starving gerbil-girls spent yesterday frolicking about the Magic Kingdom with Stamos, following a grain alcohol-soaked reunion at Miami club Prive. What do you think they talked about? Did they dish on Bob Saget or call Jodie Sweetin to make sure she was still alive?

Related: we don't know which twin is the skinny one anymore.
Boozy Reunion [Page Six]
[Image via AP]

Gossip Roundup: Apartment Hunting With Jenna Bush

Jessica — Mon, 20 Dec 2004 10:30:47 EST

· NYT Paris bureau head Elaine Isoline has refused to rent her 4500 square-foot house to first daughter Jenna Bush and friends. How cruel; what kind of lessor doesn't like vomit on her floors? [R&M]
· R&B sex addict Usher's romance with violent supermodel Naomi Campbell may be no more. Apparently, Usher's people were too controlling of Naomi and, as we all know, you can't just tame a beast of her ilk. [Page Six]
· None too surprisingly, an Islamic sex column is not well received. [Lowdown]
· Survivor contestant Jenna Lewis' isn't genuinely upset about the release of a "private" sex tape. She actually leaked the video and has profited quite nicely. When our illicit sex tapes aren't even pure, is nothing sacred? [Gatecrasher]
· Actor Benicio del Toro likes 'em young, but at least they're legal. He's reportedly "in love" with mactress Sara Foster, which means they're probably doing it in an elevator at the Chateau Marmont RIGHT NOW. [ELK]
· Lucky Cheng's, the East Village drag queen-ery, has been completely omitted from Zagat's restaurant guide after some scathing reviews. [Page Six]

The Prime of Miss Jenna Bush

Haber — Wed, 15 Dec 2004 16:48:58 EST

Finally, an answer to her father's important question: "Is our children learning?"

No, they are not: Jenna Bush to teach at Washington public school.

We can already picture first period: "All right, everybody. We're going to have some quiet personal study time because Miss Bush has a splitting headache again. If you don't have any work to do, you can just lay your head on your desk. I know I will."

Also, someone at Yahoo has a sense of humor, because this piece was posted in the "Entertainment" section.
Jenna Bush to teach at Washington public school [AFP, via Yahoo]

Paparazzi Guessing Game

Jessica — Tue, 16 Nov 2004 13:15:43 EST

Olsen twin or homeless person?
[JJB via The Modern Age]