Well, OK, it's actually Charlie Sheen's "character" on Two and a Half Men who will be having a televised funeral this fall.

A hardworking TV actress has had quite the eclectic career, and she continues to. Also today: a big Walking Dead shakeup, some less than comforting news about The Killing, and Ron Swanson has a Tammy 1.

CBS has released a new poster teasing the revamped, Ashton Kutcher-packed season of Two and a Half Men, and there's something unpleasant about it. All the nakedness, perhaps?

Yesterday came a rumor that Charlie Sheen, already fired from his hit sitcom Two and a Half Men for being Charlie Sheen, will have his character killed-off, off screen, at the beginning of next season. Interesting! How should Charlie Harper perish?

We don't, as a rule, support terrorism, but sometimes we are sympathetic to its aims. As in the case of Freddy Caldwell, the Bronx man who threatened to blow up his local TV station if it kept airing Two and a Half Men reruns.

It seems as though Ashton Kutcher is about to throw his hat back into the sitcom ring—and in a way you never saw coming. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the former That 70s Show star will return to primetime this fall—for a "big payday"—when he replaces Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men, which is still somehow…

Your crush from the early '90s is in trouble and he needs your help. Particularly if you are an executive at Fox television. Also today: NBC announces some new shows, Craig Kilborn is back in the game, and Stephenie Meyer wins again.

America's one-time favorite British person almost joined the cast of America's one-time favorite sitcom. A match made in sad heaven! Also today: news from Cannes, a bloody upfront scares us all, and of course Hunger Games casting news.

It's true! Little girls and their older cousins (or moms? oh god, moms??) will soon be able to sit down at the same movie and feel those youthful tingles of chaste lust together. Also today: more Hunger Games news, some gay stuff, and various dismaying CBS news.

Not only did Charlie Sheen take a meeting with Fox about possible projects, he's also talking to the head of CBS about getting his job on Two and a Half Men back. Who would want to hire this guy?

If you mid-late twentysomethings weren't feeling the creep of years yet, this TV news will get you there. Also today: pilot news about a terrible musical show, Keira Knightley slums it, and Hemingway gets his wives.

Charlie Sheen is so winning that he didn't just file a lawsuit for $100 million against Warner Bros., which makes Two and a Half Men, but he did it for himself and the entire cast and crew. Oh, that Charlie. He's so generous!

Move over Tina Fey, there's a new Sarah in town. And she just might take her clothes off. Or not. Probably not. Also today: more pilot news including a Who's the Boss update of sorts, more Survivor is coming your way, as is more Zach Braff.

Charlie Sheen's bafflingly popular sitcom Two and a Half Men was put on ice for the rest of the season, but Warner Bros. just released a statement announcing Sheen's been "terminated...effective immediately." Are we finally rid of this show forever?

If CBS hadn't pulled the plug on Two and a Half Men, Charlie Sheen would have taped an episode in which he spends a night partying (and possibly hooking up) with a gay dude. Not as strange as reality!

All poem-fingered F-18 fighter jet Charlie Sheen wants to do is live a quiet life as a television star and porn family patriarch. So why does CBS make it hard for him by stopping production on his show? Sheen will be deploying his ordinance to the ground and making his case ("I may be a dangerous, self-destructive…

With a wildcard like Charlie Sheen as your lead role, the producers at Two and a Half Men were smart to create this ending of the show to be used "In Case of Emergency."

Charlie Sheen, currently the only patient at the Charlie Sheen Celebrity Rehab Center located in Charlie Sheen's House, has decided he's ready to go back to making America's most popular sitcom Two and a Half Men. But they don't want him back!

Watch out world, there's a new diva in town. Or should I say divo. His name is Alex Pettyfer and he wants what he wants when he wants it. Also today: lots of news about TV pilots, including the casting of a lead on a Shonda Rhimes show, plus Charlie Sheen agrees to cough up some cash.

After deciding to do his three-month stint in "rehab" from the comfort of his home, Charlie Sheen also decided he will work during "rehab," so that Two and a Half Men won't fall too far behind.