Republicans took a record-setting 10-point lead in Gallup's weekly generic ballot poll, putting them in prime position to retake the House of Representatives and enact all of the great ideas they've had. Republicans also have the advantage in voter enthusiasm:

Thanks to artificially low prices, helium reserves could be entirely depleted in 100 years—jeopardizing the space and nuclear industries, which use the element for crucial components and processes. That squeaky voice isn't so funny anymore, is it?

The 2000s were the hottest recorded decade, according to a new NOAA report calling global warming "undeniable." Well riddle me this, "the U.S. National Atmospheric and Oceanic Administration": How can there be global warming... if it still snows? [NatGeo]

A food plant in Texas between December 2008 and this June canned undercooked meat in 15 million pounds of SpaghettiO's. Campbell Soup Company has recalled three types of SpaghettiO's, though there have been no reports of illness. Yum! [AP]

Has the world's most famous polar bear gone the way of Britney Spears, a mentally-addled trainwreck of an aging child star? Berlin Zoo's Knut "suffers from panic attacks and 'sways to and fro' in an abnormal manner," says one scientist.

Feeling young and free while blowing lines in the bathroom of some glitzy LES rat hole? Well, you won't look young for long. Scientists are finding that 80% of impure cocaine in the US contains a chemical that rots flesh.

Here's a lesson in what not to do when you're skipping the court date that will decide whether you go to jail for violating probation: Pose beside a tray of cocaine, at a no-pants party in Cannes. LiLo did it.

Remember the "loop current" that threatened to pull the oil spill over to Florida and up the East Coast? It might be working. Park Rangers at Fort Zachary Taylor State Park found 20 tarballs on the beach yesterday. [PBP, Getty]

All those problems in Greece are real, apparently: the Dow Jones fell nearly 1,000 points this afternoon before rebounding somewhat. Currently it's down nearly 450 points on the day. Hey, let's not do this again, okay?

Everyone whispers that O editor-at-large Gayle King is Oprah Winfrey's secret lesbian lover. This headline inverts King's comment about how much she enjoys spending time alone in her literal closet. Cute wordplay, but do not get on Oprah's bad side.

Yesterday we asked what Jesse James' friends' neo-Nazi sympathies said about him. Now TMZ says they're negotiating the sale of two-year-old picture of a costumed James "making the Nazi salute." [via squeakel]

Comical RNC chairman/urban-suburban hiphop settings expert Michael Steele has been called into an emergency meeting! It seems that Republican congressional leaders had no idea he was releasing a book until they saw their party head promoting it on cable news.

President Obama's new Afghanistan policy seems like basically the Afghanistan policy he kept promising he'd pursue doing the campaign, so why is everyone so surprised? Unfortunately for America, there is concrete, inescapable proof that it will not work:

After tweeting his good-byes and threatening to leap to his death off the Brooklyn Bridge, Michael Lohan's purported Twitter account abruptly went dead early Monday morning. What just happened? (Updated)

Uh oh! The magical computer formulas that allow Goldman Sachs to continue making money, forever, as the world burns, have been stolen and sent to Germany! The FBI has arrested a Russian immigrant who used to work for Goldman.

Oh boy, a Capitol Police alert! Everyone evacuate the US Capitol Visitors Center ASAP and then Twitter about it!

New York State Attorney General Andrew Cuomo is giving AIG until four o'clock to name everyone who got a bonus Then the subpoenas drop! This is wonderful and hilarious grandstanding, thank you, Andrew.

This is why Google has spent a decade collecting and preserving all the information it can gather about everyone on Earth: so it can prove in a court of law that your neighbors are perverts. There's an obscenity trial going on down in Florida, where life itself is generally obscene, against an icky hardcore…