Three things that are amusing about the newly released trailer for shock-auteur Lars von Trier's forthcoming Nymphomaniac:

In case you missed it, yesterday it was revealed that Uma Thurman had taken the names—all the names—for her baby, Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson, who will go by "Luna."

On last night's episode of NBC's enfeebled, Broadway-adoring show Smash, Uma Thurman dropped by to give the show within a show some star power. I suppose her presence was to benefit Smash itself, but didn't work, as the episode brought Smash to a series low in ratings. Poor Uma. Slumming it on TV in TV's actual slums.

The funniest thing about Bel Ami the new period pic starring Twilight Mr. Potato Head Robert Pattinson is that it shares the name of a popular gay porn company. Tee-hee! But Mr. Pattinson shows he knows how to make sexy with all the ladies!

Last night marked the start of the Cannes Film Festival, Hollywood's paid vacation to the south of France. So, who's currently caught up in the collision of blockbusters and indies? Oh, just about every star on earth. Here are just a few.

At long last young twentysomethings are getting a work of art all about them. Naturally MTV is the network to bravely take up the mantle. Also today: some truly scary movie casting, some somewhat less scary TV casting, and a discussion of the work of Chris Columbus.

Police finally caught up with Uma Thurman's stalker Jack Jordan a month after he broke a protective order by phoning her. He went berserk and is being held for observation. Someone set him off talking smack about My Super Ex-Girlfriend.

Today we looked at a very serious mystery: What's that powder all over Uma Thurman's face? Extremely important stuff! Thankfully, one commenter was able to shed some personal light on the matter.

Uma Thurman did which of the following at a gala last night? a) Buried her face in cocaine; b) shot a Pulp Fiction sequel; c) pissed off her makeup artist; or d) ate a powdered sugar doughnut, messily. Let's investigate.

New York's upcoming Gay Pride parade was already rerouted and shortened a mile due to city budget cuts. Now West Village residents along one block of the new route want it diverted again so gays won't trample their precious flowers.

Ken Starr, Bernie Madoff to the Stars! He's been charged with running a Ponzi scheme using money from celebrities. One of them is reported to be Uma Thurman. Dude, didn't you see Kill Bill? You're dead meat!

For a rambling mess, Uma Thurman sure has a nice townhouse. And now you can own it for $14.2 million! Which is about $14.2 million more than her last movie made. [Real Estalker, Curbed]

It was about being "fake." Speaking of fakes, guess which starlet got a boob job now? Jake Gyllenhaal fears ostriches. Ed Westwick fears Olivia Munn. Bethenny Frankel filmed her childbirth for a TV show.

Motherhood, which also stars Minnie Driver and Anthony Edwards with a cameo by Jodie Foster, opened in London this month. It made a total of £88 ($130). On the first Sunday just one person bought a ticket. [The Guardian]

Zooey Deschanel sleeps with bands, stars react predictably to Oscar nominations, Hugh Jackman goes to 19th century China and Ben Silverman teams with a Murdoch. You'll catch cold out there! Come inside and have a hot glass of Trade Roundup.

Uma Thurman and son Levon Roan eating pizza on the street ... Hugh Jackman heading home after a trip to the gym ... Diana Ross leaving a building on Fifth Avenue ... JoJo walking into her hotel in Tribeca ... Taylor Momsen hanging out with her mom on the set of Gossip Girl in Queens ... Matthew Broderick walking son…

Uma Thurman and Arki Busson kissing on a park bench ... Vera Wang standing outside Harry Cipriani on Fifth Avenue and 59th Street ... Whitney Port walking downtown ... Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez having dinner at Nobu 57 ... Sarah Jessica Parker walking son James to school ... Ashley Judd getting out of an SUV in…

[Uma Thurman snuggling up to a man who is, apparently, her ex-fiance. New York. Image via INF]

• The first photos of Tiger Woods at Mississippi sex rehab facility he's been staying at have arrived. He's wearing a hoodie, baseball cap, and pair of shorts in the pics. And he has a not-so-happy expression on his face, which is probably how you'd respond, too, if you were in sex rehab and you walked out of your…

Jennifer Connelly and Paul Bettany walking with their kids and dog in the West Village ... Uma Thurman leaving her townhouse in the Village ... Katie Couric walking uptown ... Jeff Bridges leaving his hotel in Midtown ... Jessica Szohr filming scenes for Gossip Girl on the Upper East Side ... Matthew Broderick walking…