In the special, which airs on NBC this December, Uma will play Santa Clause's flight attendant while Martin portrays a mailman who opens the show with a song-and-dance number. As is mandatory, Kermit, Fozzy, Gonzo, Miss Piggy, and the rest of the crew are determined to save Christmas for some tots whose letters to Santa were lost in the mail. "Thurman and Martin join previously cast Whoopi Goldberg, Tony Sirico and Steve Schirripa, Richard Griffiths and Madison Pettis, along with Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Miss Piggy and the rest of the muppets gang. The special, from Muppets Prods., will feature songs by The Muppet Movie songwriter Paul Williams." [TheHollywoodReporter]

• Today host Ann Curry moved during the national anthem at the Republican National Convention, because NBC hates freedom. Then she pointed at a nice lady from Alaska and yelled, because she is a terrorist. The Virgin Islands were also terribly offended. [P6]
• Supposedly the word "nuclear" was spelled out as "new-clear" on Sarah Palin's TelePrompTer at the Republican National Convention so she wouldn't mess up the pronunciation again. Also: Uma Thurman is pregnant. [R&M]
• Don't believe celebrity hype machines like the Times: Britney Spears uttered just four sentences at the Video Music Awards, not counting her brief awards acceptance speeches. Shockingly, Spears is said to be upset by her estranged mom's tell-all book about Spears's life.
• Advertisers rejected the idea of having Girls Gone Wild honcho Joe Francis on Celebrity Apprentice. Donald Trump is at least pretending to think about creating some kind of other show for Francis to be creepy on. [P6]
• As Tommy Lee Jones has learned, you can make a $160 million movie that wins four Academy Awards, and the movie studios will still try and screw you out of your bonus. [E!]
• Lindsay Lohan supposedly wants to have a baby and raise it with Samantha Ronson. The classy Sun notes that she already has "two beautiful babies."
• Ashlee Simpson: Pregnant with twins. Except for the minor detail that her rep says "it's not true." [Sun]
• JFK's letters to Marilyn Monroe are in some kind of lock box that only Cindy Adams and some random Monroe groupie know about. [Post]

Courtney Love used the sidewalk like a red carpet, chatting and joking with reporters...

Sometimes celebrities do what they do best: bask in the attention. Ms. Love latched onto her lawyer, Scott B. Tulman, as they left the courthouse and gushed as if they were an item:

“Isn’t he handsome? Isn’t he beautiful?” Ms. Love then suggested she was pregnant with Mr. Tulman’s child.

“Are you out of your mind?” Mr. Tulman recalled telling her. “What are you doing?”

Another day outside the courthouse she finished off a partially smoked cigarette that she bummed from a passer-by.

“It’s like having a wild kid,” Mr. Tulman said. “After a while, you just shake your head.”

PR consultant Eric Dezenhall told the Times Love's antics are fine, since "anything that extends the half-life of her career is probably a net positive." Uh, sure. Maybe even get charged with more crimes like disorderly conduct and so forth and get spotted outside the glamorous criminal courthouse even more often, maybe!

[Times]

• Uma Thurman, tired of the smell and nanny banging of being married to a celebrity, gets engaged to a nice, boring financier who dated Elle Macpherson.[US Magazine]
• • David Archuleta says he's never kissed a girl and wishes he were Sarah Bareilles. It's sweet, huh?[P6]
  • Rikki Rockett of Poison says some guy is dressing up like him and raping women in Mississippi. [TMZ]
  • Guy Ritchie's mom says the divorce rumors are "rubbish" [Hollyscoop]

• Kate Moss stormed out of a party at Milk Studios in Chelsea because they wouldn't let her bring three friends into the bathroom, citing a "strict one-person-at-a-time policy." [P6]
• Supermodel and beat-down artist Naomi Campbell had surgery to allow her to have children, since she believes children will fix her life by forcing her to "calm down." As long as they aren't, you know, whiny incompetents like all those assistants she attacked. [Showbiz Spy]
• Not only did Anne Hathaway have a sinus infection when she kissed fellow actor Steve Carrell for a movie, she also had pink eye, and now he probably has it, too. [Oh No They Didn't]
• Uma Thurman's stalker is supposed to be in Maryland after narrowly avoiding a jail sentence, but instead he's handing around in New York, near the courthouse, in the same clothes he had on during the trial. It's over, buddy. Let it go. [Entertainment Tonight]
• Jennifer Aniston had dinner in Los Angeles with a mystery man, so there was speculation the movie star split from singer John Mayer, but it also emerged he's driving her car, so probably they're still together.
• Actress Jessica Alba gave birth to daughter Honor Marie. [Sun]
• Oh, look, it's seven skanks competing to be Paris Hilton's new "best friend," all hoochied up in front of a club in Las Vegas. [Sun]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are determined to spend more on their baby nursery than fellow celebrity-twin parents J. Lo and Marc Anthony. So far, the price tag is north of $140,000. But where are the dedicated baby guards? The hermetically-sealed climate control? The Scientologist consultants? [R&M]

• Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter blasts back at Clinton: "The responses from the former president and his camp are very saddening in their own ways. Characteristic, but nevertheless shocking." [Observer]
• Released from jail, Tatum O'Neal goes straight to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. PR experts say the actress' career should be fine, if she acknowledges her mistake, for example by going to an AA meeting. [Post]
• The New York City Landmarks Commission tells Robert De Niro that it would be a shame if something were to happen to the top floor of his pretty little hotel, seeing as how it's disrespecting the zoning code and all. The actor would like his extra floor legalized, because he's a wiseguy over here. [Rush & Molloy]
• Sharon Bush, ex-wife of presidential brother Neil Bush, only snagged $30,000 per year in alimony and child support, and only for four years. She is planning a tell-all book about her ex-husband's philandering, but only once W. is out of office. Apparently she didn't want to, you know, embarrass the president at this critical, lame-duck juncture in his administration. [P6]
• The one time you trade your royalties for a $2,300 flat fee, the movie becomes a hit. Writers don't win. [P6]
• Eva Mendes will launch a Calvin Klein perfume in the building where Heath Ledger died. It's called "Secret Obsession." Wow. [P6]
• Jay Leno will get to see lots of "gayest looks" at a group gay and lesbian wedding in West Hollywood. [E!]
• Ethan Hawke applied for a license to marry his pregnant former nanny, from when he was married to Uma Thurman. [P6]
• Jennifer Aniston's ex, model Paul Sculfor, is now dating John Mayer's ex, Cameron Diaz. Aniston and Mayer are, of course, dating one another, and also frequently reassuring themselves they are the prettier of the two couples. [Sun]

Journal reporter Steel's fellow jurors included two lawyers, a "rock-show caterer" and "a former editor for the TV show Wife Swap." Still, they were 12 people sitting in a room talking about the law, so Steel did not have much to work with.

She made the best of it, delivering an account that is brisk and well-edited if not exactly riveting.

Steel had a dream about the trial, but it's sort of boring too:

I was talking with Ms. Thurman, although — as is the case with dreams — I can't recall precisely what we were discussing. Walking down the street, in my dream, I saw [the accused stalker] stroll by.

Better was the jury debate about whether the stalker intended to scare or harass Thurman with a creepy package containing, among other things, his expired driver's license, a picture of a bride with her head cut off and a love letter with many words crossed out, leaving "mouth," "kissing" and "my hands should be on your body at all times," among other phrases.

The woman who worked as a rock-show caterer said the card was disturbing, and that Mr. Jordan was a smart, manipulative man who knew what he was doing. He had graduated with a degree in English literature from the University of Chicago. By marking out some words, she said, he indicated that he knew what he was sending was inappropriate.

A juror who works as a statistician compared the situation to writing emails to a woman at work: If I did that, he said — even if I hoped it would make her like me — it would be inappropriate and get me fired.

I didn't agree... Sitting a few seats away from Mr. Jordan as he testified in his own defense, I saw him as a lovesick individual who was trying to prove himself to her with these cards and objects, which he described as artworks...

One juror, who works at an art school in Brooklyn, brought up an example of a little boy pulling the ponytail of a little girl to get her attention. Even though the boy likes the girl, he's still trying to annoy her.

Wow: Even on a well-educated jury, people form opinions based on behavioral expectations at private corporations and grade-school playgrounds. Some big, ambitious newspaper should totally do an in-depth story on that, assuming it continues to involve Uma Thurman!

[WSJ]

• Instead of viciously beating people with her cellphone, supermodel Naomi Campbell tried bringing tea and coffee to assistants on the TV show Ugly Betty. Ten bucks says the coffee and tea had, in turn, been bought by Campbell's own assistant, and that Campbell hasn't been into a Starbucks since 1998. I hope someone demanded her drink be brought back with nonfat milk at exactly 195 degrees. [News Of The World]
• Miley Cyrus after some kind of Disney concert in Orlando: "I hope you had an awesome time. I saw a sign back there that said: 'Miley, I'm praying for you.' I could not be more appreciative. Thank you guys for all your support. Without you, none of this would be possible. I love every one of you and I could not be more appreciative. God bless you." I think she could be more appreciative. [Sun]
• Victoria Beckham and husband David were looking forward to a quiet trip to Napa Valley via Tom Cruise's empty-and-waiting private jet. Turns out Cruise, his wife and four Hollywood pals were waiting on the plane to surprise them. See, for Scientologists, the line between "surprise party" and "awful kidnapping" does not exist. [Showbiz Spy]
• Singer Winona Ryder apparently still allowed to shop. [Popsugar]
• Lindsay Lohan is going on Ugly Betty. [People]
• Amy Winehouse, who is Jewish, is wearing rosary beads to support her jailed husband. Further destroying the Catholic church is just a nice side effect. [Oh No They Didn't]
• I can't muster much outrage, but the British tabs sure can: "POP mogul Simon Cowell has been allowed to park his Rolls-Royce wherever he likes — a privilege usually reserved for the QUEEN." [Sun]
• In the wake of testimony against her alleged stalker, Uma Thurman went brunette. This information would be of use pretty much only to... stalkers. [P6]

• Tom Cruise sent wife Katie Holmes to a three-day Scientology boot camp at "Gold Base" to prevent her from working on her Broadway play in New York without him, said Star magazine.
• Paris Hilton looks frighteningly skinny in this picture. [Sun]
• Miley Cyrus "skipped" a Disney event in Orlando, Florida, which would have been her first public outing since her racy Vanity Fair shoot. [LA Times]
• Druggy singer Pete Doherty is the guy who managed to shoot up not just in jail but in the detox unit of the jail. So the Brits decided to just let him go, one month into a three month sentence. [Sun]
• Former child star Gary Coleman went on Divorce Court with his 22-year-old wife Shannon Price. Coleman failed to support Price in a fight with a stranger about when the world was ending. [DListed]
• Jason Biggs from American Pie married actress Jenny Mollen in a private ceremony last week. [People]
• When singer Lou Reed and performance artist Laurie Anderson got married, they paid $10 to be wed in the "Boulder Mountain marriage license office." [Gigwise]
• Dennis Rodman, the former basketball star, was arrested for hitting a woman in a hotel. [Enquirer]
• Singer Usher denied rumors he wanted to auction pictures of his baby son. [P6]

It was the closest Mr. Jordan had ever been to her — he sat 20 feet away at the defense table — yet he studiously ignored her, looking away with a bottled-up, blank expression. In the only hint that he was aware he would be so close to the woman he called, in one letter, “the love of my life,” Mr. Jordan put on cologne just before entering the courthouse.

Shudder.

[Times]

• Testifying against her alleged stalker, Uma Thurman's dad said the man emailed him a few times about the study-abroad program at Columbia, where the dad is a professor. He had no clue the guy was a stalker, or even knew who his daughter was. Then one day the alleged stalker wrote: "Today the center of my forehead is ticking now and then. I feel in love with your daughter Uma." And later: "Apparently hoping it would be forwarded to the actress.... 'Work on that accent for our wedding night. Pretty please.'"
• Charlie Sheen resumed seeing hookers at least until last year, including while he was in rehab, using fake doctor's appointments, according to a former Los Angeles madam. Sheen's rep said "this is an old, old, old story," as though that's not the point. [P6]
• Rosie O'Donnell on Miley Cyrus' Vanity Fair shoot: "Leave Miley Cyrus alone... Listen, Annie Leibovitz – I had two photo shoots with her... You kind of do what she says. It's intimidating. I also didn't think it was a pornographic photo in any capacity. I thought it was sort of a beautiful portrait." [People]
• Spencer Pratt on Miley Cyrus' Vanity Fair shoot: "I didn’t think it was that bad. Supposedly, she’s wearing a top underneath. It’s artistic." [Us]
• Jennifer Lopez's reality show will involve her stupid new perfume, and not the fortified wing of her house she and her Scientologist friends designed for her twins. Great, I just signed up for TLC, and now I have to cancel. [People]
• Rehabbed actress Kirsten Dunst is supposedly taking co-star Ryan Gosling to 12-step meetings. [P6]
• Singer Mariah Carey is engaged to rapper Nick Cannon. The ring is 17 carats and cost $2.5 million. Tasteful. [P6]

• Carrie Fisher so totally did have take a ride in Harrison Ford's Millennium Falcon during the filming of the Star Wars movies. Fisher: "Once I left the room and came back and he was in the closet not wearing a lot of clothes." The Sun headlined their story, "Carrie: I gave Ford Obi-Wan." [Sun]
• Uma Thurman's stalker, a sometime mental patient, once wrote the actress, "My hands should be on your body at all times." Also: "Butter... chocolate... mouth... twitch... seduce." The stalker fixated on Thurman after elderly film star Carol Channing "broke my heart in the early nineties." Thurman took up "stress smoking" amid the stalking, her dresser said in court. Thurman is expected to testify as early as today. [Post]
• Lauren Conrad of the Hills is dating a 22-year-old minor-league baseball player named Doug Reinhardt, whose sister Carey appeared on Laguna Beach with Conrad in season two. TV host Ryan Seacrest finds him boring. [OhNoTheyDidn't]
• Mel Gibson gets to act in a movie again, for the first time since yelling at police about Jews while drunk. He'll play a heroic police investigator. Who uncovers a conspiracy to fleece society by a conniving, powerful elite. Good to see he's moved on. [Reuters]
• Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer didn't just have dessert after lunch. They had "dessert" after lunch. [Sun]
• Basketcase singer Amy Winehouse might get to sing the theme song for an upcoming James Bond movie. [LAT]
• Singer Britney Spears' perfume took in $84 million last year, because crazy smells delicious. [E!]
• Spears is going to be on that one show again. [Sun]

• Tom Cruise will appear on Oprah Winfrey's show who for the first time since his couch-jumping insanity the last time he was on the daytime talk program. The twitchy Scientologist will be on the show twice, once May 2nd from home and then May 5th in Oprah's usual studio. The visit coincides with the 25th anniversary of his movie Risky Business. [AP]
• After going on Oprah, Cruise will smother Katie Holmes by following her to New York for six months. Or they were never going to get separated in the first place and the tabloids are looking for a storyline that prevents Cruise's presence from proving them wrong. Either way. [OK!]
• Birthday party for Cruise and Holmes' two-year-old: $100,000. Flowers alone cost $17,000. Plus the stress tests and thetan cleansing were probably also in the five-figure range. [LA Rag Mag]
• Donald Trump "was big on the idea" of having OJ Simpson on his Celebrity Apprentice show "for a few minutes" until NBC executives nixed the idea. That's kind of the opposite of what happened to Norm MacDonald, if I recall correctly. [P6]
• Police incorrectly answered a question from Uma Thurman's stalker about whether he was allowed to have a lawyer present, so now they have to throw out his confession. Wait, you can "confess" to stalking? Well, why not. [P6]
• The solution to Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson's many emotional problems? A child, of course. Owen's idea. [Star]
• Cynthia Nixon is getting married to her partner. [JJ's Dirt]
• Someone invited Jerry Springer to give the commencement address at Northwestern's law school, so of course the students are up in arms. But is the best response they can come up with really just to shout "You suck?" [P6]
• Laugh all you want at Amy Winehouse, she's worth $20 million, according to the Sunday Times. [Showbiz Spy]

KarenUhOh's new line beats the original, Sorceress Writes Actress Ticket for Illegal Mannequin Posing.

At 135 W. 26th Street. I got in the elevator on the 8th floor and it went up to the 12th floor instead of down (I was going out to get lunch). No one got in, I pushed the close door button 10 times like every New Yorker and then the elevator stopped on the 11th floor. Geezus I thought, someone pushed every damn button. A delivery guy got on and someone in the hall yelled to hold the elevator. A scruffy-looking actor-type got in. He looked to me (who doesn't watch TV or most movies) like a younger Kevin Bacon, but what do I know!? The scruffy actor-type pulled out his cell phone and started typing. The delivery guy said, "Hey you look familiar." "Ethan Hawke," said the actor and extended his hand. "Whadaya doin' these days?" the delivery guy asked. "I have three movies coming out, hopefully one of them will be good," joked Hawke. Delivery guy: "Yeah, I saw you in, uhm, uhm, 'Gatttaca' I think was the last one I saw you in." "Yeah," Hawke said and stepped aside as I exited the elevator and walked out onto 26th Street to find lunch. Ironically, I also saw Uma Thurman on 3rd Avenue in the 50s about a week ago on my way to my therapist. I saw a v-e-r-y- tall blonde coming my way and looked her up and down (hey, I like girls!) and it turned out to be Uma Thurman, She was with some guy, but I didn't take notice of who it was (not that I would have known).

Submit sightings to stalker@gawker.com and include the time, date and exact location, and what the person was wearing. As much as we like looking at blurry photos of people who might be celebrities, commenters think stalkerazzis are awful people. They like it better when you leave it to us.

fileunder's new line beats the original, Man On Left Always Thinking About Food.

Saw Uma Thurman, P. Diddy, LL Cool J, and Tracy Morgan dining (together!) At Nobu 57 last night. Tracy and Diddy were up and about chatting with people and being very friendly. Uma was more reserved and remained seated but was smiling and laughing and looked gorgeous!

Continue sending sighting to stalker@gawker.com. Include time, date and exact location so we can post it to the Gawker Stalker map.

Or did they?

If, like us, you sort of believe every bit of celebrity gossip you read, even when the stories contradict each other—so that in your mind it's like a magical realism novel in which a character can be simultaneously alive and dead, straight and gay, cokeheady and straightedge, married and single, 32 and 25—you'll probably be on board with our theory that this breakup has something to do with a recent Gatecrasher blind item.

Remember? The one about a "glamazon" actress who broke her boyfriend's nose in a fit of pique, then had to pretend to dump him, or they had to hide out for a few months, so that he could avoid the spotlight until his face healed? So following that "logic," we are forced to conclude that either Andre was so humiliated that the world now knows he's a victim of man-abuse that he dumped his tall lady friend, or that Uma damaged his face again. We eagerly await confirmation of one or the other theory. Meanwhile, we'll continue to believe both.

Which glittering bicoastal couple had to pretend to break up for two months because the glamazon actress broke his nose during a cocaine-fueled fight? "He needed reconstructive surgery and dropped out of sight," says a snitch. "The cover story was they broke up while she did her movie thing. Then when he was ready to be seen in public again, they got back together."

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Don't Shoot The Messenger [Gatecrasher]

Uma snaps up Ethan's share of home [Tonight]
[Photo: Getty Images]