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Upper East Side
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children
The Post reports that a woman was recently arrested at the Duane Reade on 94th and Third for stealing pain medication. Addiction is indeed an albatross; you have to be pretty hard up to commit yourself to finding a goddamn thing in a Duane Reade. We're thinking that perhaps the Post had some extra space to fill last night, seeing as how the lady was arrested for stealing fucking Aleve. Woman's got a headache, people! Ahh, but wait... 94th and Third does fall within the boundaries of the Upper East Side (despite looking a hell of a lot like Murray Hill) and Aleve is used to relieve aches and pains. How about: NABBED: POSH PAIN PILL PICKPOCKET. [NYP Police Blotter]
bad breath
Gross Poor Person Fired For Mouth Odor
John Seeman, a 61-year-old doorman who lives in Brooklyn and "supports his 81-year-old mother," got fired from the Upper East Side apartment building where he works as a doorman. The cause? Having bad breath. He had been working there since 1967. The man who fired him, Joe Scholes of Cooper Square Realty, recently won the New York Building Managers Association's Special Appreciation Award, and wrote the article "Five Steps to Building Better Staff Performance." In it, he asks: "Who doesn't like to get a pat on the back? An old fashioned compliment for a job well done can have an enormous impact, especially since it is so seldom done." In his defense, Seeman said, "I'm not using garlic anymore... I use mouthwash and I sue breath mints on the job." Oh! Did I write sue? I meant sue. I mean! I mean, use. But he is so gonna sue.
Two window washers have fallen 43 stories from a building's scaffolding at 2nd Avenue between 66th and 67th streets. One is dead and one is in critical condition, according to WNBC. Want to feel even worse? According to the early reports, they were brothers.
The Daily News is gracing us today with the story of the Upper East Side's best doorman, voted as such by the residents he watches over at 460 E. 79th Street. "There isn't another doorman like Steve, and we're keeping him," says one. "He's part of the family here," another tells the News. Yeah, we totally make our 81-year-old relatives carry our bags and deliver our packages too!
What wealthy Park Avenue power couple's marriage is ending because the husband announced he was leaving his cosmetics heiress wife for another man who may or may not be a French architect?
real life gossip girls
On The 'Gossip Girl' Set, Spence Girls Call Williamsburg "Artsy"
Video boy Alex Goldberg and I headed up to the Upper East Side yesterday just as school was getting out and guess what: a bunch of kilted maidens were thronged on the corner of 86th and Fifth, watching the actress who plays Serena Van Der Woodsen repeatedly exit a building and disrupting the shoot with their camerphones' flashes! We asked them what they like so much about the show, and whether they would consider dating a boy who lives in Williamsburg a "long-distance relationship." (A: yes.)
inevitable downfalls
Preppie Idiot Robert Chambers Headed Back To Jail
Say a final farewell to Robert Chambers, the man who ensured E! Channel-level publicity in perpetuity for Upper East Side Irish pub Dorrian's Red Hand, which is the last place his former ladyfriend was seen alive in 1986. Like so many preppy misfits and high-profile morons before him, dude just couldn't stick to his first two crimes (that would be murder and, in 2004, just after he was released from prison, possession and driving on a suspended license). Chambers and his girlfriend (this one was still alive!) sold more than a half-pound of cocaine out of their E. 57th Street apartment to undercover agents in recent months, who popped the two of them yesterday.
meltdowns
Salander O'Reilly Gallery Shut Down
Uptown's craziest scandal has reached a major meltdown point! Upper East Side dealer Lawrence Salander and his gallery Salander O'Reilly are getting sued every which way but loose by angry clients and dealers and lenders, and so a State Supreme Court judge has shut the shit-blizzard down entirely. We can guarantee one thing: A number of really rich people are gonna get shafted out of this, no matter how much court supervision takes place. Carol Cohen, the widow of the CEO of Madison Square Garden? She's never gonna see the $3.4 million worth of art she "stored" at the gallery that Salander allegedly started selling off behind her back. We cannot believe Salander didn't take off for some country without an extradition agreement with the U.S. (China maybe!) with a bunch of cash a few months ago while he still could. What an idiot!
wedding joy
Lawyer Bridezilla Sues Florist For $400,000 In Wrong-Colored Hydrangea Damages
Elena Glatt, a Manhattan lawyer, is suing Posy Florists on East 72nd Street for substituting pastel pink and green hydrangeas for the rust and green ones she'd requested for her 22 wedding reception centerpieces. But she doesn't just want her $27,435.14 back—she wants damages for the "extreme disappointment, distress and embarrassment" she suffered, to the tune of more than $400,000. Florist Stamos Arakas told the AP,"My father used to tell me, 'Don't deal with the lawyers.' Maybe he was right, God bless his soul." Dad probably should have also mentioned that you should avoid dealing with insanely entitled people with borderline personality disorder and saved you the trouble of opening a flower shop on the Upper East Side in the first place, Stamos! More »
gossip girl
Last night's episode of "Gossip Girl", which is a retelling of the Bible through the hurlyburly lives of rich Upper East Side teenagers, sorta good girl Serena once again finds herself in sorta evil girl Blair's poor graces. Blair was supposed to model for her mother's clothing line, Waldorf! But Serena was recruited too. Through this Medean maneuvering of Blair's mother, Blair feels somehow less than. And so what could have been a rapprochement turns instead into another wedge in their friendship. Sad! In this Dreamgirlian scene, Blair chastizes Serena for improperly seizing all that was hers. Serena is the Deena Jones figure; Blair, the Effie White. At any rate, Serena's love interest Dan hears the argument and gets upset. These two drifters seem destined to float down the Moon River, after the same rainbow's end and the same pot of gold.
Crossing You In Style
Last night's episode of "Gossip Girl", which is a retelling of the Bible through the hurlyburly lives of rich Upper East Side teenagers, sorta good girl Serena once again finds herself in sorta evil girl Blair's poor graces. Blair was supposed to model for her mother's clothing line, Waldorf! But Serena was recruited too. Through this Medean maneuvering of Blair's mother, Blair feels somehow less than. And so what could have been a rapprochement turns instead into another wedge in their friendship. Sad! In this Dreamgirlian scene, Blair chastizes Serena for improperly seizing all that was hers. Serena is the Deena Jones figure; Blair, the Effie White. At any rate, Serena's love interest Dan hears the argument and gets upset. These two drifters seem destined to float down the Moon River, after the same rainbow's end and the same pot of gold.
is gossip girls real?
"I may be a simple boy from Brooklyn," Dan declared to Serena on last week's episode of New York docudrama Gossip Girls, while they were fighting about the insurmountable obstacles that keep them apart (among them: she did it once with another guy!). Was this an accurate portrayal of Upper East Side-Williamsburg love, though? Is such a thing even possible? Video slave Alex Goldberg and I hung out on the bench outside Earwax yesterday, finding out.
Would A Williamsburg Boy Really Date An Upper East Side Girl?
"I may be a simple boy from Brooklyn," Dan declared to Serena on last week's episode of New York docudrama Gossip Girls, while they were fighting about the insurmountable obstacles that keep them apart (among them: she did it once with another guy!). Was this an accurate portrayal of Upper East Side-Williamsburg love, though? Is such a thing even possible? Video slave Alex Goldberg and I hung out on the bench outside Earwax yesterday, finding out.
on the red carpet
The 'Gossip Girl' Premiere Party
Tonight's arrival of the new television show Gossip Girl on the CW is at least the most important event of the week. It is a real-life doomsday scenario for us, in which the lives of 10 wealthy Upper East Side teenagers somehow become intangibly yet irrevocably ingrained into our consciousness. Last night I went into the Tora Bora caves of the Gossip Girls premiere party at Tenjune. Someone had unrolled a black carpet and some velvet rope. On one side, a claque of television cameras and desperate reporters clutching iPods with microphone attachments scrummed with each other to get a quote. On the other, these newly-minted slender starfolk fielded sycophantic questions. The mastermind, "The OC" creator Josh Schwartz, showed up shorter and nicer then expected. "Thanks for the piece," he said. "I really liked it." Was he being sarcastic? Is having your show compared to the largest attack on American soil since Pearl Harbor a good thing these days? More »
scary sadshaws
Is Carrie Gross The Absolute Worst Of All The Scary Sadshaw Lady Bloggers?
Carrie Gross is everything that's wrong with women in New York. She's materialistic, status- and wedding-obsessed, and of course, she's got a blog where she writes like a brain-damaged Carrie Bradshaw ("in my naivety") about her upcoming nuptials, knockoff designer handbags, man-purses, and other topics that made the SaTC writer's room groan "Nah, that's so played out!" six years ago. The Times Real Estate section did a thing back in September about her search for a $6,000/month rental that would accommodate the obnoxiously large dog that she and her fiance treat like a child. "What we want to purchase in a couple of years is not what we want to purchase now," she explained to Joyce Cohen, regarding her decision to rent and not buy. "The suburbs will be an option, or buying something much bigger." More »
momzillas
Anti-Momzilla Mom Enjoys Her Nanny, Upper East Side Co-Op, Trust Fund
Author Jill Kargman (perhaps you know her previous tomes, The Right Address and Wolves in Chic Clothing?) has a new book called Momzillas, and it's all about those awful, awful moms who do things like throw huge elaborate birthday parties for their 2-year-olds and are just as competitive about their kids as they were about making Harvard Law Review. Fortunately, Ms. Kargman, who is 32 and married to a software company president, is taking a stand against these terrible people. For instance, she doesn't have an "army of nannies"; her nanny only works 9 to 5. And even though her dad, Arie Kopelman, is president of Chanel and her mom, Coco, sits on a gajillion boards, she's really grounded. More »
mormons
Mormon World Domination Will Not Be Thwarted By Upper East Side Doormen
They might have a fancy new building on the Upper East Side, but that doesn't mean that the Mormons are having an easy time of converting their fancy neighbors! The Sun reports:Church doctrine emphasizes proselytizing, and neighborhood missionaries hoping to convert new members have their work cut out for them. "This area is tough, because missionaries just can't get access to so many buildings," Bishop Jensen said.But really, have you ever known a Mormon to be discouraged by a doorman? Hell no. They're crafty, those Latter-Day Saints types! More »
jay mcinerney
Michael Gross Gives Downtown the Smackdown
Remember last week, when Jay McInerney got all huffy in New York magazine about how seriously lame the Upper East Side has gotten lately? (We're talking "seriously lame" among a group of people you probably don't have the social cachet, or the cash, or come to think of it, the desire, to be a part of. But we digress.) Anyway, today Michael Gross—740 Park, etc., etc.—posted a retort to McInerney's blowharding, claiming that he had to flee downtown because it was getting overrun with not our kind of people. A snippet:Entitlement and its sibling, rage, now run amok in the former truckin'-ground of blissed-out Bohemianism. Once-quiet streets are filled with idling black town cars waiting for uptown walk-on-water types—legal thugs and hedge fund hogs, barking bankers and corporate flacks-the only people who can afford to move to the "new" Village. Their fur-clad stroller-Nazi wives, nannies and trustafarian brats flood the aisles atNot only that, but McInerney had the gall to call Gross out for moving uptown. Okay, gentlemen, please take your sniping outside. Say, Gramercy Park? More »Balduccis, er, Citarella.
terror
"This Is a Country That Likes to Move On, and Fast"
Taken yesterday near the 72nd Street building where Yankee Cory Lidle crashed his plane, the photo of these playful, privileged schoolboys evokes another image: More »
