If Hilton hotel guest Rodney Harmon had known that the USA Today left by hotel staff outside his door wasn't free, he wouldn't have read it. But he did read it, and the hotel charged him the 75-cent fee, so now Harmon's suing Hilton hotels in federal court.

Here's a real infographic that ran in USA Today last Friday, July 1st. (Nobody noticed it until now because the only people who read USA Today are 74-year-old retirees.) Apparently the way the sun heats the Earth is that it gives it a hand job while whistling? In the annals of weather penises, this is a true classic.

USA Today is what used to be called a "newspaper" back in the days before the internet, but after the majority of adult Americans became functionally illiterate. In this confusing "new media" age, USA Today has pursued a strategy of becoming the news outlet of choice for angel-believers. Hey, it's a demographic!

USA Today—an adorable daily picture book distributed free to customers of mid-rate hotel chains—is making a strategic move to wrest control of the "believes in angels" demographic from said demographic's current newspaper of choice (the Washington Times).

What were we all thinking these past few completely hilarious weeks as we watched NBC television character Donald Trump become America's most prominent and vigorous birther? It seemed like he was driving the issue with maximum enthusiasm, as though it was the only issue that mattered to him and should matter to…

USA Today—America's infographic-est newspaper—is tackling the question that is tormenting the minds of USA Today readers: is that book about the little boy meeting Jesus in Heaven real?

As Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker (R) continues to push for a bill that would eliminate collective bargaining rights for almost all of the state's employees, a Gallup/USA Today poll taken amid the standoff finds that most Americans would oppose a similar measure in their own state.

In your warming Monday media column: Jacob Weisberg points out that The Daily has no clothes, CBS is still wooing Katie Couric, rumors of Gannett getting rid of USA Today, Arianna Huffington stiffs a high school reporter, Dan Le Batard hammers a word stake in Deadspin's black heart, and alpacas attack.

President Obama has written a children's book! "Obama shares dreams for his kids in book on 13 Americans," reads the USA Today headline. Fox Nation has a slightly different take, though: "Obama Praises Indian Chief Who Killed U.S. General." Hmmm.

From the 1930s until the 2000s, waterboarding was described as "torture" by The New York Times 81.5 percent of the time. But during the 2000s, it was described as "torture" only 1.4 per cent of the time. Wonder what happened!

Magazines that spring to life with video. Gorgeous, instantly-updated newspapers. Custom-tailored broadcasts. The iPad could revolutionize news along these lines, which helps explain why it makes people so giddy. The new era begins with these nine news apps.

In your rainy Monday media column: God tries to kill celebrity news using the weather, the New York Times is a totally great newspaper!, and USA Today arrives in Starbucks.

Sarah Palin "wrote" an op-ed for The USA Today called "Why I'm speaking at Tea Party convention." Weirdly, she doesn't mention the fact that they are paying her $100,000.