Is this how the rest of the world sees Trump? Or perhaps what his true face looks like when he peels back his human mask? Is The Donald a close relative of Graham?

Last Week Tonight was on hiatus due to the Fourth of July, but that didn't stop John Oliver from reporting the biggest U.S. news story of the weekend: Fireworks. Although it would, of course, be physically impossible for Oliver to have attended every fireworks show in the U.S. this weekend, he covered them all anyway.

America is strutting around the universe with a little kick in its step today, as Miss USA was crowned Miss Universe last night for the first time EVER in the last 15 years.

Obviously, we're cheering for America to win today's match against Ghana because, U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! But in a tiny corner of our red-blooded hearts we know that Ghana—Africa's last hope!—is cosmically favored for a win. What to do?

Hey, before you became outraged about Roman Polanski and maybe before you expressed an opinion on the non-parole of Susan Atkins, were you outraged about the release of the Lockerbie bomber? You are so predictable! And wrong!

Oh, good, Morgan Stanley just hired a financial analyst who had to quit the NFL two years ago because he'd had too many concussions to continue playing. Wayne Chrebet, welcome to the Moldaver Group wealth-management team!

Oh, well, it came out last Friday. But that was a "newsdump" so we are performing a public service by pointing you to it, today.

Every November 25, New York celebrates its independence from the British. What, you didn't know about Evacuation Day? It is a much more awesome holiday than Thanksgiving, because it involves gunfire, greased flagpoles, and indignities being visited upon English people, one of the fundamental tenets of comedy. The…

[Hey, Kreepie Kat fans! Today we have a special message from Barry Obama, on behalf of two very kreepie kandidates. We are the kats we've been waiting for!] Click to view

Terrible news: if Obama wins, you have to love America! That's right, New Yorkers have given the game away—all the hipster Obama gear and unconcealed excitement at his candidacy means no longer can we hide behind our secret glee at the utter rejection of our values and lifestyle by "Real America." If it's a landslide,…

Doesn't anyone wear flag pins anymore? HuffPo's Rachel Sklar, who carries an actual maple leaf pinned to a beaver pelt with her at all times, pitted the cable news network talking heads against each other in a brutal MS Paint collage battle, and discovered that while people get all up-in-arms about Barack Obama not…

Peter Walls is the chief executive of a "social housing firm" in the UK. John Finn owns a rival housing firm. One day, Finn started a website called dadsplace.co.uk, and on that website, many anonymous people said many mean, mean things about Walls. They accused Walls of nepotism and sleeping with underlings and other…

Army man Prince Harry has left Afghanistan following Matt Drudge's release of his whereabouts. The British military has decided it was too risky for the spare Prince to stay there with his location known. Predictably, the British blame the American media for our general boorishness.

When last we heard about Michelle Obama, she was merely (and repeatedly) "sarcastic." Now, though, she rapidly transforming, before our very eyes, into anti-American. Or at least uppity. The problem? She's too proud of her husband and not very proud of her country.