It's Almost Time For Women to Register as Conscientious Objectors

In Washington today, the leaders of the U.S. Army and Marine Corps told Congress that it’s time for all American women to register for the draft. Must we begin to fret?
Union Membership Is Holding Steady at "Not Enough"
The latest annual statistics on union membership in America are out. The overall union membership rate is holding steady at 11.1%. If you are not a New Yorker or a public employee, your union rates are miserable.
Thanks to cheap gas prices, a strong economy, and widespread availability of automobiles, it looks like American drivers drove more miles last year than ever before. A little bit of history in the making. Do you find this fact interesting? Do you enjoy driving? What is the best car, in your opinion?
In metaphor news today, a New York City man dressed as the Statue of Liberty was arrested for “aggressive begging.”
Analysis: Public Too Dumb to Hear the Truth About Terrorism
Despite the fact that terrorism sometimes happen in America, it most likely will not happen to you, and you shouldn’t fret about it too much. This message has been judged TOO HOT for the American public to hear.
Why Won't More Chicks Buy Harleys?
Imagine the predicament of the Harley-Davidson Corporation: every paunchy middle-aged biker dude already owns your product. Where to find sales growth? Ladies? Hello?
American Zombies Crave the Leadership of Brands
People in the USA are fed up with these Washington politicians who don’t care about folks like us. We want to be led by those we really believe in: brands.
The Death Penalty Is a Terminal Patient
Since our nation executed nearly 100 people in 1999, the use of the death penalty has been on the decline. In 2015, executions became even more rare.
Terrorism Is a Sideshow
The issue that the most Americans regard as the most important one facing our country right now is terrorism. Fear is more powerful than reason. Not that there has ever been a reason to doubt that.
The Middle Class Is Now a Minority
The Middle Class, a popular figure in American folklore, died this week after a long battle with capitalism. Its passing has been expected since the recent death of its partner, The American Dream.
Study: Walmart Cost America 400,000 Jobs
Crap galaxy Walmart has long used overt appeals to American patriotism as a cornerstone of its marketing and PR efforts. A new study attempts to quantify exactly how much bullshit is contained in Walmart’s patriotic reputation.
The most popular comment in the history of the New York Times website is by a Canadian, explaining why Canada is better than the U.S. You love to be told why you suck, America.
“Probably just 12 or 15 of [the richest people in America] own as much as America’s worst-off 160 million people.” It is only a matter of time before those 160 million people figure out they can confiscate those rich motherfuckers’ money. Mark Zuckerberg is just trying to get out ahead of the curve.
