In case you haven't noticed, Tunisia's fallen apart. Its president just fled the country after weeks of riots, and the military has taken control. The U.S. Embassy will still be closed on Martin Luther King Day, though. Holidays are holidays!

The New York Times poses an ontological riddle: If a billionaire mayor's private jet was spotted on the tropical island where he keeps a $10 million estate during New York City's apocalyptic blizzard, does that mean he was there too?

Royal Caribbean cruise ship "Radiance of the Sea" had to delay its next voyage to Mexico after "a number of guests experienced some gastrointestinal illness." The ship is being scrubbed down in Tampa. It's another bad year for cruise ships.

The selfish Obamas have completely dodged the press during their Hawaiian vacation, not even posing for one naked beach photo. But photographers finally intercepted them at the zoo today! Were they hiding in an animal's lair? You be the judge.

Where has the honorable Governor Sandwiches of New Jersey, Chris Christie, been during this snowpocalypse? In Disney World, eating sandwiches. And the lieutenant governor literally fled to Mexico! So a Democratic acting governor is running things, and probably raising taxes.

Rainstorms have caused 14 Hawaiian sewer pipes to overflow, at least four of which spilled into the waterway where the Obamas are vacationing. Hawaii has issued a "brown water warning." Will Barack Obama "man up" and swim in this poopwater?

Because of you people and your endless legislative demands — gays in the military this, tax cuts that — President Obama may have to delay his Hawaiian vacation a few days so he can sign all this stuff. Happy, America?

Watch out, England and Israel: It appears as though our most notorious American grifter, Sarah Palin, is heading your way in the new year. At the very least, lock up your good jewelry.

Ever wish you could see the Passion of Christ in real life, with a bloodied, shackled Jesus? Dream of high-fiving Jonah inside a whale's large intestine? Lucky you: America's foremost Biblical amusement park is celebrating its 10th anniversary this year.

America's most famous mosque-lovers, Barack Obama and Michael Bloomberg, played golf on Martha's Vineyard today! The White House adds that they spent 15 minutes talking about the economy. It took them that long to say "It sucks"?

Internet empress Arianna Huffington is in Amalfi, Italy, apparently, mixing it up with Newt and Callista Gingrich, mega-entertainment lawyer Allen Grubman and his wife Deborah, and Barbara Walters. Proof fancy yacht vacations really are out of fashion for the super-rich?

Breaking news from Martha's Vineyard: Barack Obama went to a bookstore! And he bought novelist Jonathan Franzen's hotly anticipated greatest masterpiece ever, Freedom. It's not even in stores until August 31! He really does have magical time-defying powers. [Image: AP]

Well, this is what you get for visiting commie Europe: Michelle Obama's approval rating has tumbled — from 64 to 50 percent — following her horribly misreported Spanish vacation. No more fancy hotels for you, you... hotel snob!

Highfalutin' editor Tina Brown and her even more highfalutin' husband, "Sir" Harold Evans the Elder, are the featured guests on an upcoming one of those celebrity cruise things. How delightfully low-rent!

First it was Yellowstone. Then it was Glacier National Park. Now, the incestuous "Bonnie and Clyde" fugitive couple from Arizona are thought to be near the Ozark National Forest in Arkansas. Are they on some sort of National Parks tour?