Gawker: Vampires

Vampire Woman Worships Undead God

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 10:16:50 EDT

Anne Rice, the author of all those books about Vampires (including the one that they turned into that Tom Cruise/ Brad Pitt movie with the twin themes of latent homosexuality and glorification of the dark side), has opened up to the world about her bizarre and stunning deity worship [WP]. The famed creator of monstrosities publicly proclaims her allegiance today to a strange "God Man" who supposedly performed impossible miracles in days long past. Now, the Dracula-loving storyteller has "consecrated" herself to this mythical "Jesus"—who can die and revive himself at will—and nothing will change her mind about his magical powers. The bloodsucking aficionado will not abandon her hallucinatory reasoning for anyone!

On the afternoon in 1998 when faith returned, I experienced a sense of the limitless power and majesty of God that left me convinced that He knew all the answers to the theological and sociological questions that had tormented me for years. I saw, in one enduring moment, that the God who could make the Double Helix and the snow flake, the God who could make the Black holes in space, and the lilies of the field, could do absolutely anything and must know everything —- even why good people suffer, why genocide and war plague our planet, and why Christians have lost, in America and in other lands, so much credibility as people who know how to love.

Probably because of the vampires in their midst.

Don't ever succumb to the fear that evil is winning in this world, no matter how bad things may appear. Don't ever succumb to the fear that He does not witness our struggles, that He is not with every single soul.

What about THIS SOUL?

A Children's Treasury Of Terrible Videos About Barack And Hil

Pareene — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 18:03:43 EST

Earlier today we showed you Barack O'Bollywood and invited you to send in your favorite distracting and discomfiting viral videos about the Democratic candidates. Some of you did! We've embedded some of these videos after the jump. They make for disturbing viewing, you have been warned. There is musical theater and porn and ABBA.

First up is BARACKULA! It's a completely unforgivable musical short film about Barack Obama as a vampire and that is really about all there is to say about it. Someone noticed that "Barack" almost sounds like the beginning of "Dracula" and also there was that movie "Blackula" and why not make it a musical? Thanks, internet!

"Barack Obama cancelled My So-Called Life."

This nutty clip combines clips from camp classic Mommy Dearest with ABBA's "Mamma Mia." This is somehow a Clinton attack.

And finally, BANNED BY YOUTUBE for reasons that will become immediately apparent, "A 2008 Voting Guide From Your Friends... In the Porn Industry." NSFW, obv.

'Blood Is The New Black' Book Party At Death And Co.

Emily Gould — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 18:10:06 EDT

Former Travel & Leisure and CondéNet employee Valerie Stivers' first novel takes place a magazine named Tasty, the flagship of a big publishing empire called Oldham, Inc. At Tasty, editors stay up all night and keep the lights off in their offices until midmorning, and they're almost never spotted eating. Also, there's no garlic allowed in the cafeteria! It takes heroine Kate McGraw a while to clue into the fact that they're all literal bloodsucking vampires, but you know what? Who can blame her. Last night, Emily and photographer Laurel Ptak found themselves in the gothy confines of Death and Co., where a group of sallow-skinned yet not undead magazine types had gathered to fete the book.

Taxi Driver Beset by Gun-Toting Vampire Lesbian Model Author

Chris Mohney — Wed, 02 Aug 2006 16:50:43 EDT

Really, you're just not going to see a lede better than this:

A city cabby involved in an infamous tussle with the first openly lesbian Playboy Playmate warned investigators that his shapely passenger was really a vampire who threatened him with her deadly Dracula teeth.

The vampire in question is Stephanie Adams — Miss November 1992 and author of a New Age tome — shown here before her lawsuit versus the NYPD for rough treatment back in June. Seems cabbie Eric Darko (no relation to Donnie), who picked her up in Chelsea, refused to take her to her door, they argued, she called the cops, and then he called the cops and told them she had a gun. Cops did their Bad Boys routine on Adams, leading to lawsuit, and then the cabbie's revelation that she might not have a gun, but she was still dangerously undead. The cabbie has been recommended for "psychiatric evaluation." Reached for comment, Adams only murmured, "Sweet, precious, heterosexual blood," before vanishing in a puff of lesbian smoke.

UPDATE: Somehow we were completely oblivious to Stephanie Adams's ongoing legal feud with BlogNYC. It's the Summer of Lawsuits.

Playmate a Vampire, Cabby Said [NYP]
Playmate and Commish's Cousin Accuse NYPD of Bad Behavior [Gothamist]
Goddessy by Stephanie Adams [Official site]

[Image: Getty]