President Obama lied to a group of children today and told them that his favorite food is "broccoli."

North Korean leader Kim Jon Un has placed his nation's missiles on standby and announced that he is targeting the American mainland. The leader has made recent brash public gestures of militarism, and the Pentagon has vowed to strengthen our nation's West Coast missile defenses in response. With tensions between the…

Americans are eating less meat—12% less than five years ago. That's good news. Not only for sweet Bessie The Cow, whose mama will not be killed (quite so soon) by a bolt gun shot to the skull, but also for you, the intrepid herbivoracious culinary explorer.

The school lunch wars are still raging in Washington, as Big Food continues its multimillion dollar lobbying campaign to prevent the USDA's new rules surrounding school lunch nutrition from going into effect. The potato industry is doing an excellent job, so far, eliminating any limits on the weekly number of starch…

Think of "fruits" and "vegetables" like parsley. Parsley is a vegetable. And here in America, we use fruit and vegetables the same way that we use parsley: as window dressing, as a little green thing that makes the real food (Cheez) look better.

Here we have a perfectly rational, not-at-all-insane news report, introduced by a sober anchor, about how Snoop Dogg reached out to a Welshman named Ian Neale, whom he'd stumbled upon on YouTube discussing a noteworthy accomplishment: Neale grew the world's largest rutabaga, or "swede" as they are known in the U.K.…

It's summertime, so let's harvest some locally-grown, organic outrage. A Michigan woman is facing up to 93 days in jail for planting a vegetable garden in her own front yard.

A group of Florida criminals have just pulled off one of the great produce-related crimes of our time. From the Times:

Gorillas are so much like us! Not in the sense that they're magical creatures filled with empathy and understanding or whatever; in the sense that the ones who live in the U.S. are fat-asses dying of heart disease who love to throw up eat their own vomit in order "to taste sugar again and again." Really! Heart…

Birth control extortion! Female gay condoms! Plastic beating hearts! Frozen vegetables! Tap dancing! Fiber to live! Greasy teenagers! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—in what we consider a positive way!

New research conducted at the University of Nottingham claims that people who eat five more portions of vegetables than they normally do became tan and thereby "more attractive," by increasing "carotenoid levels giving your skin golden tones." Well okay! [BBC]

Scientists have discovered bits of cooked plants in the teeth of Neanderthals, contradicting the conventional wisdom that they only ate meat, and proving that the hominids hadn't yet developed sophisticated toothpick technology.

Two guys and a redhead girl have a bright idea for a video. It's a porn with carrots. Making cole slaw has never been this fun. Come on, guys, Grow up!

Americans hate vegetables. Every possible trick, tactic and marketing ploy has failed. We will forever be a nation of spongey vegetablephobes. So say the New York Times in a long investigation of why the hell won't Americans eat their vegetables?

I'm just going to go ahead and assume that this video—of a potato peeling himself in some sort of self-sacrifice while other terrified vegetables look on and cry—comes from Japan. Because, honestly, where else would it come from?

In an attempt to market baby carrots as a junk food, a campaign labeling them to be "extreme" has been launched. They also come in extreme junk food packaging!