1. Eat a cheeseburger.

PETA's gift to children: "Unhappy Meals" containing "a 'menacing, knife-wielding' Ronald McDonald cutout, a ketchup packet disguised as chicken blood, a plastic chicken covered in 'blood' and a 'McCruelty' t-shirt." Less violent than a GI Joe Kids Meal! [via Deceiver]

PETA ads: sometimes ill-advised, often nonsensical, frequently stupid, always predictable. But at least they were trying. Not any more. They went ahead and hired strippers.

So, what are our soy-based friends at PETA doing these days to outrage the world, hmmm? Oh just dressing up like the KKK outside of the Westminster dog show at Madison Square Garden. Normal Monday.

Ryan Pacifico was just a normal Long Island guy—working in finance, not a homo. Until his boss found out he was a vegetarian, and started calling him a gay vegetarian homo. Not cool, dude.

Retarded but well-meaning lettuce group PETA doesn't even make ads to actually run on TV; they make ads to be rejected by TV networks, which gets them lots of sweet free publicity, like this.

Not to shock all of you, but evidence has arisen that indicates that breast-toting sex symbol Pamela Anderson may not be the beacon of morality you all thought. She's a prominent vegetarian and opponent of KFC and all its chicken-slaying ways. So while she was down in Australia filming Big Brother, she took the…

Respectable publication Maxim has a list of the ten sexiest vegetarians, with predictable picks like Joss Stone, Pamela Anderson, and Natalie Portman. Missing from the list: famous vegetarian George Bernard Shaw. Who could be sexier than George Bernard Shaw? [Maxim]

Earlier today, I claimed that Natalie Portman, who both went to Harvard and is attractive, must be a cyborg because as a rule, women can be dumb and hot or smart and busted. But there is one exception: the hypocritical. By their very nature, hypocrites can embody any contradiction they want. They're that powerful. So…