Summer is ending, and soon America's teens will head back to the new-shoes-on-linoleum-floors hell that is high school. The only thing keeping our weary youth going is FLAMIN' HOT Cheetos®, and now, First Lady Michelle Obama has taken them away. Our nation's school vending machines will have healthy snacks this year.

The future is here, or at least it's in Los Angeles. Last month, a company called Burritobox installed "world's first burrito kiosk" inside of an LA convenience store.

Vending machines—those metallic friends which got you through many a long afternoon of jury duty or school or waiting for your wife to have that stupid baby, already—are having a hard go of it, these days. Americans just don't love them as they used to. From the WSJ:

Are school vending machines causing obesity amongst America's youth? Haha, haha, yeah right. Eating one dozen Cadbury "Creme" eggs in the closet at midnight while typing furiously on Twitter is causing obesity amongst America's youth. Still, every little calorie saved helps, when it comes to our corn-syrup-addicted…

Behold, the ne plus ultra of American innovation: Pizzametry, an automated machine capable of making custom pizzas in mere minutes, while you watch TV. Let us marvel at the pneumatic glory of Pizzametry spinning dough, slicing pepperonis, squirting sauce, and sprinkling cheese.

Do you live in Paris and frequently stumble out of bars at 2AM with a craving for a bite of baguette? If so, you'll be totally psyched to learn that French baker Jean-Louis Hecht recently installed two bread-dispensing vending machines outside his boulangeries. Yes, that's right: For just one euro (and a bit of…

Would you eat a cheeseburger from a vending machine? What if that cheeseburger was endorsed by NASCAR legend Dale Earnhardt Jr.? Fret not: Such a product—the Dale Jr. cheeseburger—will soon be available, from vending machines across the land!

Because God forbid there should be any time or place that isn't an opportunity for women to buy expensive make-up and skincare, Fred Segal has pioneered a vending machine—launching at their LA store but poised to go nationwide at gyms, airports, and nightclubs—that sells brands like Lancome and Bliss. Fine, but let's…