miasma-protege's new line beats the original, The Sashay Parade Emerges From Its Cave And Begins Anew.

A small group of people - stylists, photographers, hairdressers, make-up artists, designers - are, I've come to the conclusion, having a great deal of fun, and making a great deal of money at our expense.

These people do a very skilled and persuasive job: they bully us into buying more stuff.

No!

They are peddling the myth that if we only scrape together enough money to buy the things in the adverts and the fashion shoots they construct for us, we will be cool, just like them. We will be accepted, and beautiful, and happy, and liked.

Illusion-shattering!

It isn't wrong to love clothes, whether they are from designer stores or from the High Street. My advice is to buy something because you love it, not because you think it will give you a better life.

And not because you think it will gain you acceptance by the cool kids.

This is why everyone should wear Hanes t-shirts, exclusively. Good sentiment, but perhaps Jones should find another beat.

But yes: ridiculous ads.

[via Daily Mail UK]

• Alec Baldwin lashes out at the family court system in his book, not his ex-wife Kim Basinger. He takes care of her at live party appearances: "My ex-wife reaches an almost sexual level of satisfaction when she's in a room full of high-priced lawyers." [Showbiz Spy]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had their big house-de-thetaning party in Beverly Hills, and a helicopter or tree-climber showed up to take pictures. In the first shot, you can see Cruise trying to crash the photographer with his Scientology mind powers. Guests included Victoria Beckham, whose terrified husband stayed home so he couldn't be kidnapped again; Oprah Winfrey, who brought her very close personal friend Gail King; Jennifer Lopez, who likely left the babies at home with their security detail; Tobey Maguire; and fellow crazy Scientologists Kimora Lee and Kirstie Alley.
• Leven Rambin: "I have come to an understanding that soap fans are unlike any other; dedicated, passionate, and loving." Actually, all fans are dedicated, passionate and loving. That's the definition of "fan." [Oh No They Didn't]
• John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston continue to hang out. [Faded Youth]
• Diddy and Cameron Diaz held hands. She said he "must" try her "bread pudding," and spoon fed it to him. Then they snuck off into Prince's basement together. They're of course "just friends." [Rush & Molloy]
• Wesley Snipes is confident he isn't going to jail for the tax evasion thing. He is out on bail and plans an appeal. [P6]
• Sulu from Star Trek getting married to his gay partner, has a sense of humor: "He got down on one knee. I said, ‘What are you doing down there?'" [R&M]
• About one-third of Kurt Cobain's ashes were stolen from wife Courtney Love, who kept them in "a pink teddy-bear-shaped bag" that she used to take "everywhere." She said she was suicidal. [News of the World]
• Rapper M.I.A., who was going to have to leave the country, is marrying a media mogul's son right before her work papers expire. So if they catch her at the border, she really will have visas in her name. [Oh No They Didn't]
• Charlie Sheen has remarried, which means he has a new person to apologize to. [Hollyscoop]
• Hugh Grant, the film star once busted for prostitution, was very interested in taking home a "leggy brunette" from a club until he realized photographers were present. [Showbiz Spy]
• Angelina Jolie keeps guns at home, knows how to use them. [Showbiz Spy]
• Awkward: Harrison Ford had to explicitly deny widespread rumors that he will finally marry Calista Flockhart. [Showbiz Spy]

• Instead of viciously beating people with her cellphone, supermodel Naomi Campbell tried bringing tea and coffee to assistants on the TV show Ugly Betty. Ten bucks says the coffee and tea had, in turn, been bought by Campbell's own assistant, and that Campbell hasn't been into a Starbucks since 1998. I hope someone demanded her drink be brought back with nonfat milk at exactly 195 degrees. [News Of The World]
• Miley Cyrus after some kind of Disney concert in Orlando: "I hope you had an awesome time. I saw a sign back there that said: 'Miley, I'm praying for you.' I could not be more appreciative. Thank you guys for all your support. Without you, none of this would be possible. I love every one of you and I could not be more appreciative. God bless you." I think she could be more appreciative. [Sun]
• Victoria Beckham and husband David were looking forward to a quiet trip to Napa Valley via Tom Cruise's empty-and-waiting private jet. Turns out Cruise, his wife and four Hollywood pals were waiting on the plane to surprise them. See, for Scientologists, the line between "surprise party" and "awful kidnapping" does not exist. [Showbiz Spy]
• Singer Winona Ryder apparently still allowed to shop. [Popsugar]
• Lindsay Lohan is going on Ugly Betty. [People]
• Amy Winehouse, who is Jewish, is wearing rosary beads to support her jailed husband. Further destroying the Catholic church is just a nice side effect. [Oh No They Didn't]
• I can't muster much outrage, but the British tabs sure can: "POP mogul Simon Cowell has been allowed to park his Rolls-Royce wherever he likes — a privilege usually reserved for the QUEEN." [Sun]
• In the wake of testimony against her alleged stalker, Uma Thurman went brunette. This information would be of use pretty much only to... stalkers. [P6]

• Apparently hungry for attention in London, Paris Hilton declared Kim Kardashian's butt "disgusting, it reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag." Then she said Jessica Simpson's boobs were too big. Then she flashed her own boobs again outside a hotel; click here for a bigger shot (via WENN) if you're not bored of Hilton's nipples yet. [Sun]
• Christian Siriano from Project Runway said the girls on The Hills have fashion lines that are not "that great... I mean, it's fun and flirty and young, but they're not innovators. None of them will ever be an innovative designer." [Perez]
• Cameron Diaz lost her father suddenly and unexpectedly to pneumonia. Production of the actress' latest movie was shut down. TMZ, which broke the story, has not yet tried to make an awful joke about it. [TMZ]
• So Pete Wentz was lying when he denied Ashlee Simpson is pregnant. People now joins Us and OK! in saying the musicians are expecting a kid, and as the old journalism rule goes, three celebrity media sources is confirmation. Also, Wentz sidestepped a question about the rumors in an MTV interview rather than try and deny them again. [People]
• Now that he's made out with Perez Hilton, every single conquest of singer John Mayer will be second-guessed and possibly ridiculed. Which is kind of how things should be. The press is finally doing its job! [P6]
• This model's 12-year-old daughter wants a boob job, but the responsible mom is making the daughter wait until she's 16. [Sun]
• David and Victoria Beckham are sending their son to a Jewish school in LA. They're both half. Sort of. Not really: David's Mom's family was Jewish, but she doesn't practice. But he has a tattoo in Hebrew, and so does she. [Sun]
• David Hasselhoff's assistant tried to round up groupies for the TV star, then steal them. He failed at both. [Gatecrasher]

• Singer Britney Spears, said to be worth around $50 million, has become steadily more sane since her father was placed in control of her finances and other affairs several weeks ago. She parted ways with hanger-on ex-paparazzo Adnan Ghalib and earned the right to see her children more often. Apparently her father is compensated at $2,500 per week for his oversight, and the many tabloids that make money off Spears insanity are incredulous. So is comedian Rosie O'Donnell, who wrote in her Web Q&A forum that Spears' dad's high pay has become "the problem." Apparently these people have never priced rehab, or done some simple math on the scale of Spears' image problem.
• Singer John Mayer wrote the sweetest song while at the airport. It starts, "Dear Ex Lover, Perhaps you didn't understand the last time I told you to stop contacting me, so I'll do my best to spell it out for you." It just gets even more tender from there, if you can imagine that. [Mayer blog via Perez]
• Jerry Seinfeld's pitch for his new network show: "Just like Curb Your Enthusiasm, but with Jerry, instead of Larry [David]." Curb Your Enthusiasm, of course, was like a slightly more improvised version of Seinfeld, but with Larry David instead of Jerry Seinfeld. Just admit you want your old show back, Jerry. [P6]
• American Idol Season One star Nikki McKibbin had a Feb. 21 breakdown in the wake of weak album sales, her mother's August death and abuse of migraine medicine. [Star]
• Posh Spice at last gets her Vogue cover, but notice only after the Spice Girls finally promised to finally just stop existing.
• Irish actor Colin Farrell told off by boyfriend of model Meghan Lowther at the Rose Bar in Gramercy Park Hotel. "You tried. Now get out of here." [P6]
• Sad: Harvey Weinstein wants a meeting with novelist Linda Fairstein, so she makes swanky reservations at a Midtown restaurant and alets the maitre d' about exactly who is coming. Turns out, it is Harvey Weinstein all right — the "octogenarian tuxedo manufacturer" who just loves her books. [P6]
• Another girl got between Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of "the Hills." Shocker! [Us]
• Kelly Rowan of "The O.C." is being kept hidden away by a reclusive Canadian billionaire, who doesn't like media attention. If you read between the lines in this item, it's like she's sending coded messages just begging some brave paparazzo to come rescue her. [P6]
• Actor Will Smith is hosting world icon Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday party in London. [Sun]
• Actor Patrick Swayze maybe not really going back to work, because he dropped out of a gay role in this one comedy flick. [OK!]
• Actress Natalie Portman on Hillary Clinton: "A lot of the stuff people say about her, I hear it and my stomach falls because it's so sexist... You ask people why they don't like her and it's because her husband cheated on her! That was obviously not her choice." [Us]

• Late-night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel is, or will soon be, fucking Ben Affleck. Or at least he kind of wishes. [NYP]
• Actress Bai Ling arrested in saddest celebrity shoplifting case: $16 in batteries and magazines. [AP]
• Like the Cedars Sinai mental ward, Britney Spears' father can no longer control her insanity or voracious appetite for cash — at least according to Britney's lawyer. [Mirror]
• Ellen Page, the Juno girl, just signed to her third project in two months, some sort of psychological thriller, and could probably also do your job more efficiently and heart-warmingly if given the chance. [EW]
• Here's Victoria Beckham's room at the Waldorf-Astoria. [Faded Youth]
• Rapper Tony Yayo, an "associate" of 50 Cent, had a beef with another rapper and actually went after the guy's 14-year-old son. Because of a t-shirt the kid was wearing. Everything's fine, though, because Yayo will pay for his crime by gently helping teach people to read. [AP]

[All five reunited Spice Girls at Mens Fashion Week in Milan, Italy yesterday; image via AP]

CodePink's new line beat out the original, Mrs. Beckham Escorts Four Cheerful Women To Homeless Shelter.

It's All Go [DVB Style]

There's this:

For years Victoria has worried that she has lived her life as a fake, a fraud waiting to be found out. A woman who intrigues not because she is obviously talented, but because she seems troubled. A woman famous for being famous. So it is a supreme irony that she has truly found what she really, really wants in a place where the false is real and where the look ist he life. As a style icon and a fashionista she is thriving, and, with her edgier European sensibility, she will shine in Hollywood, which, for all its glamour, has rarely set the fashion pace. She has found her true metier as a fashion plate where the fake, the fabulous, and the freaky hang out.

For all the criticism and mockery, millions admire and ape the Beckham lifestyle, their continuing success based on the simple equation that these days celebrity sells. There are more than just a name, they are a brand, an advertiser's dream. In a world saturated with celebrity, no one sell it like David and Victoria Beckham. As commentator Jason Cowley points out, "Global capitalism has, at present, no greater ambassador than David Beckham. His life is dedicated to conspicuous consumption and ostentatious display. In this he represents all that is worst and most excessive about our winner-takes-all society."

...[T]hanks to his taste in extravagant clothes and jewelry, penchant for rap music and his flash lifestyle, the blond footballer should be considered an honorary black man.

Best use of "in fact" ever!

For example, the Beckham family was celebrated as gods for a major exhibition of Indian-influenced art fo the Commonwealth Games in Manchester in June 2002. While David was depicted on a throne in a crown and robes as the Hindu deity Shiva, Victoria was the goddess Parvati and Brooklyn was the elephant god Ganesh.

Except, no matter how hard we tried, we could not find anything even a little bit interesting in this book. There's not even anything about the size of her head! Seriously, this is as good as it gets:

Like a moth to a flame, she was drawn to the spotlight. At the star-studded Fashion Rocks event in Monaco in October 2005, for example, she guaranteed attention by wearing a Cavalli dress slashed to her navel.

I was never one of those little girls who sat around and dreamed about her wedding day and it wasn't until I met David that I thought I'd want to get married at all. But once I decided to, I had a pretty good idea how I wanted the wedding to look. My taste, as you can probably tell by now, tends towards the classical side so I wanted a clean, simple gown and I'm so pleased I went for that because I still love the dress, after all these years. My dress was made by Vera Wang, who's famous for making really timeless, elegant wedding dresses, and the corset was made by a man called Mr. Pearl. Now, he really is a bit of a character. He wears a corset himself all the time, even to bed, because he is so focused on maintaining his 18-inch waist. So he wears it literally day and night, which is true dedication to one's figure. But his corsets do honestly give you that womanly, 50s silhouette taht I love, and it felt so sexy having that on my wedding day. Flowers can be tough as they're so expensive. So to make things less complicated, and possibly even cheaper, I recommend going with a theme. At our wedding, I wanted to stick with the colour theme of our house, which is deep purple, red, and green, particularly as I think strong colors give a really good dramatic effect. Alternatively, all white flowers at a wedding always look lovely but, for heaven's sake, don't include carnations—they are far too petrol station for your special day.

When I studied dance as a teenager, it was drummed into me right from the start that you have to have nice fingernails and nice hair, and I think it's just ingrained in me now. I'm always really strict with myself about grooming. But that doesn't mean I haven't occasionally gone very wrong. When I look back at photographs of the Spice Girls I see a lot of make-up mistakes, but I think many pop stars suffer from the same problem: because you've been working so hard and are getting so tired you just plaster on the make-up to cover the signs of stress and tiredness. So your make-up gets thicker and thicker and your hair gets bigger and bigger and you just end up looking like the creature from the Black Lagoon. Putting too much make-up on—whoever or whatever you are—really is the worst mistake you can make. So make sure you never apply it in a bad light; find somewhere that mimics natural sunlight.

When I'm home I tend to do my nails and whatever else I fancy after the kids have gone to bed and David's away playing football, as the rest of the time I want to be with my family. And there are some beauty treatments that you should definitely only do when you're on your own. For example, I'm a great believer in well-kept feet and hands. So one night I decided to try out this lovely foot and hand treatment from Bliss. I scrubbed my feet properly, put the cream on them and on my hands, and then put on these little gloves they provide to let the cream soak in properly. So there I was, in my dressing gown, watching TV with what looked like oven mitts on my hands and my feet, all creamed up and drinking a cup of tea, and I must have looked completely ridiculous. So I'd recommend saving that one for when your man is away!

Fake tanning is another thing to do when you're on your own. When David's away, I'll apply the St. Tropez. Put it on at night before going to bed.

Some women really love being pregnant, and I know a lot of men find it very sexy. But, personally, though I love having kids I find the pregnancy part tricky. It certainly has not helped matters that in the past so few maternity clothes took into account what actually happens to a woman's body when she's pregnant. For a start, it's not just your tummy and boobs that get bigger but also your hips, your bottom, and often your back. Even your face can change shape and sometimes your skin tone alters so that your makeup starts to look all weird—nobody warned me about that one!

The book, which is published in the UK by Penguin imprint Michael Joseph Ltd, hasn't managed to convince Penguin US to publish the book, though. Quel shame! American readers are missing out. In fact, the book even contains an important clarification on the whole "I've never read a book in my life" front.

There were some jokes a while ago in which people claimed I'd said I'd never read a book. What actually happened was I gave an interview to a Spanish publication and I said that once you have three kids you hardly have time to finish a book, which, as any mum will tell you, is perfectly true.