Not exaggerating. Martha Stewart got asked by CNN why Sarah Palin's polarizing. Martha calls her "boring," "confused," "a dangerous person," and a "real problem." The best is when Martha throws down on a patronizing "good for her" when told about her book sales and then, after, "I wouldn't watch her if you pay me." SHOTS FIRED!

And then there's this wonderful clip. Palin dipped out of a signing early, and got booed by her fans, who were pissed that they didn't get their books signed. It goes without saying that Palin's fans sound just as patently insane hating her as they do loving her, but hey, you can't put lipstick on an neglectful idol, or whatever. Or you can, but, she's still gonna stiff you for a book signature.

This sounds like the worst book tour ever.

...As opposed to former New York Times $25 and Under food writer Peter Meehan and Momofuku Cookbook chef David Chang's book tour. Which goes something like this:

WHY was somebody calling me? Didn't they know I was still DRUNK from the night before? It was 5:00 a.m. Tosi explained to me what was going on. I had to get to Ssam Bar to pick up her and Gabe, a cook who'd be coming down to help us, and head to LGA. I was fucked up. Tosi wanted to kill me. I was literally falling over in a drunken stupor like Dudley Moore in Arthur. My life had two-day hangover written all over it. Arrive at airport at 5:50 for a 6:30 am flight and magically got on. For some reason, the flight got delayed for four hours... but it was all news to me: I pilled myself out, so I came to on the runway in Memphis.

See, Sarah Palin! If you're gonna do the book tour of a dangerous person who doesn't give a shit about pissing people off, there's a right way, and a wrong way. As far as signing books goes, if you ever need help, don't be afraid to ask. We might know a thing or two about it to help you on your way.

[Photo by Shealah Craighead, via the Going Rogue Facebook Group.]

[Here, Roger Clark prepares to bowl by drinking beer, while Alex Pareene types Communist messages.]

Someone called me up tonight and she sounded panicked. "I was in a bodega and heard Julia Allison's voice over the radio. She's advertising for some computers, does she even matter anymore?" I wasn't sure and I'm still not sure how to answer that question other than to say "it's for Sony, she's taking over the airwaves, now, wow."

And now, art.

I am not an art critic. I know nothing about performance art or how to "deal" with it.

I also know nothing about the DJ Mayonnaise Hands person that emailed this to us is (he has something to do with the video) or why he exists or what he has to do with Julia "I Potentially Had Sex With Your Little Brother, Dave Eggers" Allison. In fact, I'm determined to know as little about this video as possible in order to preserve the incredible context in which I got to view it, which was without any. All I know is how it made me feel. I just, I don't know, I mean, okay:

Here's Julia Allison, standing outside a bunch of galleries in Chelsea. She's asking people what it takes to be an art critic and who should be an art critic.

I have no idea what the fuck is going on anymore.

Representative John Shadegg, a Republican from Arizona, decided it would be for the best of the debate that a child be brought forth and tortured by being used as an exhibit by Rep. Shadegg, as he helped floor members understand something about the health care bill basically ensuring this kid would be broke or dead or addicted to smack or all of the above. Watch as the kid tries to do what I want to do, which is eat the microphone:

Yeah, kid, NOM, indeed. But old people like babies so whatever, nobody blinks at what kind of patent ridiculousness this is. But when the "Fat Pride Community" talks about getting healthy, nobody listens to them, even though they're 2/3rds of our country. And what do they have to say? It's not just about getting skinny. O RLY? And who is this talking for them? Professor Bacon, that's who. Seriously:

"I get so angry when I feel people pushing a weight-loss agenda," said Linda Bacon, a nutrition professor at City College of San Francisco and author of "Health at Every Size," a book published last year whose title has become the rallying cry of the fat pride community. "What we're doing in public health care policy is harmful. We give a direct and clear message that there's something wrong with being fat."

Oh, ho, ho! A conspiracy! The tasty-meat industry has infiltrated all walks, it seems! But they might be screwed, as the House has started debate on the current legislative package, which will eventually lead to a vote on something like a 2,000 page bill, the contents of which most Americans seem to think include a provision that says something along the lines of "YOU, SIR, OR MA'AM, ARE GOING TO DIE. WE ARE GOING TO KILL YOU, AND YOU ARE GOING TO ENJOY IT! AND ALSO PAY US TAXES TOO, THANKS!" So they're getting together and freaking out, screaming mean things at a building where nobody can hear them inside.

"Kill the bill!" a few protesters yelled, egged on by a woman with a megaphone. "You'll be starting a civil war, you fascist tyrant!" yelled Andrew Beacham, 27, of nearby Falls Church, Va. Mr. Beacham, his hair in a ponytail, said in an interview that he believed Mr. Obama was a fascist because-

I'm sorry, what?

Mr. Beacham, his hair in a ponytail,

Unless he's fighting for provisions in the health care package to cover taxpayer-supported Bumble and Bumbles, I will stop processing information past that sentence. And he's not, and I did.

Oh, whatever. If there's anything nice that these Town Hall meetings have yielded, it's that we're no longer shocked and disturbed by the fucked up rhetoric plaguing our national debate. It's hard to be disappointed once something becomes the standard, no? These guys are just being ridiculous, now. Like this one, who killed a bunch of trees just to prove a point that the bill is long and complicated.

....(The representative) took a foot-high copy of the House bill to the podium when he spoke. "This bill steals freedom, and those of us that believe in freedom have contempt for those who would steal our freedom and contempt for this bill," he said in a shout, heaving the papers to the ground below the low stage.

What kind of asshole would do that? Let's go back to the first part of that paragraph...

Representative John Shadegg, a Republican from Arizona..

Oh, you mean, the baby-puppeteer? Yeah. That one.

Forget obesity for a moment. There are thousands of pages in the legislation. Hopefully, there's at least a milli or two in that thing set aside to look into the causes, effects, and ways to prevent important conversation-born at-large jackassery from infecting our country any further. The biggest health care crisis we've experienced in the history of our country is the one we've brought upon ourselves since we started talking about health care: that we, and our conversations about things that should matter, are getting patently stupider every time we have them.

One eagle-eyed blogger named Matt Salacuse observes:

If you did not catch the celebration on the field after the game, you missed the Yankee captain, Derek Jeter, getting reacquainted with an old friend....

Jeter was holding the championship trophy a little too familiarly. He knew that shit too. If you listen to his answer, he says "this is right where it belongs." He owns that shit! Watch for Posada in the replay, he knows what's coming and he gets out of the way quick.

Lovely.

If next year's champions are not the Yankees, it wouldn't be outlandish to suggest they look into getting that trophy cleaned (or tested) before giving it a go in any number of ways. As for Ms. Hudson and Ms. Kelly: claws out for that man-stealin' clap-trap trophy. She's only there to take them away from you.

Is Fox news developing a little bit of a persecution complex? Uh, yes. Glenn Beck's pointing a Louisville Slugger at the camera while the network feigns surprise that an administration's calling them out for being a complete mouthpiece of the right? They've carried the "Fair and Balanced" pseudo-euphemism for so long now it's starting to sound like they actually believe their own bullshit, which might be the place this Freudian pant-peeing's coming from. This all goes without mentioning (until now) Jane Hall's dishing on having left Fox News precisely because there was such a lack of debate, and Shep Smith's broadcasting like he just knows they're a bunch of clowns. Even O'Reilly can't play a straight face with viewers while Glenn Beck straight-up calls his fans what they are: zombies.

So, yeah: call a crack addict a crack addict and they'll probably get testy about how they're not a crack addict until they're out of crack or in rehab. But there's nothing like the fleeting, peaty taste of self-awareness, especially when it comes to cable news (see: The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, who still won't let themselves call what they make anything but "comedy"). Wonder how long it's gonna take for Fox News to drop the schtick and basically tell their viewers, yes: we're the Al Jezeera of the RNC, let's rock out with our cocks out. It'll probably never happen, but perchance to dream, right?

Somewhere, Hamilton is having a coronary, or is about to:

Hey, the kid ain't half bad! If the whole print journalism thing doesn't work out, he might be able to pursue a fruitful career in hip hop journalism; not journalism about hip hop, but journalism in which you rap your way through stories. He even dropped diss bombs on Jayson Blair and Stephen Glass, SON.

Also, I kind of feel like this was an experiment in which I was the subject and they kind of just made this to be posted on this here website, you know? Like they were planting an item. Again, good skills that can be put to use in the arena of hip hop (or hip hop journalism); if you can get something on here, you're well on your way to getting DJ Vlad or one of those assclowns to pick up this kind of ridiculous shit, too. But this is actually very enjoyable! They seem to have principles and those kinds of things; they even swear off not paying their sources but treating them with respeckt! Interesting. So is the whole rapping portion of CJS's curriculum that I've never been told about. Maybe Hunter's got the right idea after all.

Intrepid cNet reporter Caroline McCarthy went out to the desert to hang out with some TaserBros, and by TaserBros, I mean "The Alameda County Sheriff's Office." They introduce her to the pictured X12 Something Or Other Killer Death Shotgun. The gentleman assisting McCarthy helpfully notes that what's so awesome and neat about the X12 DeathShotty is that it only accepts ammunition for a Taser, so you know, god forbid somebody confuses the Bumblebee Shitspinner with an actual shotgun, they won't be able to pump Grade A American Lead into those pussyass kids screaming about the whales or whatever. Just voltage, pure and simple.

If only that were all. They also exhibit a shockingly awesome (heh) Wall of Tase, which, from what I can tell, works like this: say your little brother has some friends over and they're being real fuckers. You set up two "walls" on each side of the garage, facing each other. You coax them, in your driveway, to come back in the house. As they walk through the garage, you hit the trigger, and BA-BLAW! All nine of those little gremlins are now on the ground, unable to steal your weed. For extra fun, make them eat a bunch of popcorn kernels and see if you can get them to pop post-consumption.

So yes! Taser technology isn't going anywhere; in fact, it's getting cooler than ever. Kinda makes you sentimental for an old-fashioned nightstick beatdown, though, doesn't it? Sigh. Those were the good ol' days.

There's so much awesome ridiculousness in this clip, I couldn't tell you where to begin. You could start with Christine Romans' theoretical about being a "party girl" who needs "15 hits of E." Or Ali Velshi astutely noting that the word "prostitute," after a good Googling, turns up "many, many roads." He knows this how? Common knowledge!

But then there's Stephen "Cheesy Doodle" Smith. EVERYTHING HE HAS TO SAY IS IMPORTANT. And now he's doing...financial commentary?

"If something were illegal," Smith, uh, argues, "they couldn't come on CNN and advertise it!" O RLY? Also: debatable. But then they get to the subject of who would get involved to enforce this thing, and Stephen A. Smith confuses the DEA with the DA. And then: crickets. Pointless, awkward, wonderful. This is one of my favorite out-of-context clips ever, now. Enjoy.

We pulled out the frame of her (apparently) kicking at a cop, for fairness. Still, maybe those four or five full-grown adult male police officers could have managed to arrest the lady without shocking her into screaming submission? The lesson, here, of course, is that telling a cop "The world is watching" or similar outraged liberal thing while waving a camera will not prevent you from getting fucked up, by that same cop. Take note, hippies. [via Feministing]

When introducing the actor and his White Collar co-stars, instead of calling him Matt Bomer, she calls him Matt Boner. Don't get too excited, it's nothing he didn't hear every day in school hallways for the first 17 years of his life. Of course, everyone giggles, and when Mr. Bomer-with-an-M-not-Boner-with-an-N tries to correct her, she doesn't even realize what she said in the first place. Talk about repression!

NBC owns USA, the channel airing White Collar (tonight at 10!), so maybe this is Wolfe's ornate revenge against the network for making her interview a character actor, the Saved by the Bell alum formerly known as Tiffani-Amber Thiessen, and some guy whose name sounds like boner instead of, you know, Kofi Annan or some shit. Probably not. She's probably just thinking about sex.

This poor Australian mother must have had a stroke when her 6-month old's stroller, which should have had its brakes on, rolled on a train's tracks and was promptly hit. Thankfully, the child escaped relatively unscathed.

Some say disaster was averted because the baby was strapped in, but we prefer to think it was a vehicular miracle.

Speaking with Larry King stand-in Wolf Blitzer, an absolutely confused Falcon, explaining why he didn't come out of hiding when he heard his parents calling his name, blurted, "You guys said, that, um, we did this for the show." We assume he's referring to Wife Swap, a show upon which the family has appeared twice.

His father's initial response to the apparent confession? A disgraced "man."

Update: Daddy dearest later said he was "appalled" by intimations the family did this all for publicity. Simply appalled!

Also, people who are guiding companies should run those companies, which they are guiding. Or at least that's how Zuckerberg phrased his philosophy in a sit down with Business Insider's Henry Blodget. There's an exceprt of the interview above, or you can watch the whole segmented unedited here, in case you think we're taking poor Zuck out of context; other questions are here.

Given Zuckerberg's obvious PR skills, it's a wonder he doesn't do more of these little chats with journalists. Maybe then people wouldn't be so ready to dismiss his effectiveness as a leader.

The thrust of Obama's speech dealt with the Clinton-era "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," which is basically an edict that says gay soldiers need to stay in the closet. It's an important issue, yes, but just one of many gay rights matters that need to be addressed. But, alas, Obama's speech and lack of action amount to little more than, as one critic said, a regurgitation of campaign promises. No surprise there. But then NBC News reporter John Harwood dropped this maybe bombshell:

Barack Obama is doing well with 90% or more of Democrats so the White House views this opposition as really part of the "internet left fringe" Lester. And for a sign of how seriously the White House does or doesn't take this opposition, one adviser told me today those bloggers need to take off their pajamas, get dressed and realize that governing a closely divided country is complicated and difficult.

There you have it: the White House knows they're doing well among Democratic voters, so they think gay activists should simply be patient and stop their griping. Now, there's something kinda rational about that, in a backward way: the country has oodles of problems on its plate and all Americans should throw their weight behind the recovery attempts. Of course such a request drives a nail through the rhetorical heart of millions of people's dreams, but, you know, it's for the greater good!

But, such an explanation still doesn't explain why the President made the speech in the first place. Is it simply because he was invited? Was it to maintain gay face? Did he have the hankering for some politically-expedient, $1,000-a-plate dinner? Or perhaps he wanted to quell the angry gay masses so that he can get to work on his master plan — whatever that may be...