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The Cameraman Speaks: He's Fired, But the Sex Tape Couple Keep Their Jobs
The Best (?) Of The Sex Tape Turkey Puns

Hobos smoking funny-smelling cigarettes everywhere. Hobos of all sorts! Young street punks, 60's washouts, black people. They're all shambling around, scaring people with babies with their open-mindedness and crazy un-Christian idea of not judging people. And, um, we were just there. It ain't that way. It all seems pretty nice to us. With fancy condos and well-heeled folks and hipster coffee shops out the wazoo. Though, I guess that's probably equally terrifying to the suburban boy. Watch his Greenwich Village stereotyping and San Francisco bashing (it's srsly hilarious) above.

The plodding pace of Huffington's delivery was at least as tough on viewers as her accent, but her pronunciation was, admittedly, often odd, and also often kind of hilarious: "Connect-icuit," "Philly-buster," "Newer mayor" (for "Newark mayor") and, best of all, "the biggest wiener of the election season." (They're all in the clip above.)

Huffington did make the most of her Greek background in the last minute of the show, when she talked about her kids' "ya ya" (that's for grandmother, mind you!) and life in Athens. (That's also in the clip above.) But going forward she should probably stick to guesting — or hire a voice coach.

Also noteworthy: Huffington's especially warm chat with rumored sometime rumored lover Cory Booker, the Newark mayor. Watch their eyes (and notice Booker's effusive compliment) in the clip below.

(Video of the accidental Ohio call is above.)

UPDATE: Rove just agreed with this statement by Brit Hume of Fox News, following the calling of Ohio for Obama: "Unless something miraculous happens in one of these non-battleground states, McCain's situation is looking pretty dire." Rove: "Yes... He has to pick up a state won by the Democrats in 2004 on the West Coast, or Michigan, which has yet to be called." Video:

ContactMusic.com reported Glitter earned $156,000 in royalties from the ads (which have since had the music switched). So the company is putting money in the pockets of a child molester fresh out of prison. Cue outraged child-abuse groups in 3... 2... oh wait that already happened: The HP campaign "shows a distinct lack of sensitivity," ChildAbuse-watch.net told ContactMusic.com.

But it's worse than all that. This was a song about TOUCHING for a computer about TOUCHING, which is one of the last sorts of products you want associated in any way with a child molester, if only because it's the sort of thing people will remember for years every time they interact with it.

Then there's the bad precedent. Due to the whole "touch" angle, HP really had no choice but to pull the ads. But as Ad Age notes, this opens a can of worms. What other sorts of crimes should bar musicians from being included in a typical corporate ad campaign? Child molestation should. Recreational drug use shouldn't. But there's a lot of room in between.

HP better get to work screening contestants in its new reality show. It's probably best to avoid promoting any more sex offenders (Oh Yeah).

Sample lyrics:

We've been here too long tryin' to get along
Pretending that you're oh so shy
I'm a natural man doin' all I can
My temp'rature is runnin' high
...Ev'ry growin' boy needs a little joy, all you do is sit an' stare
Beggin' on my knees, baby won't you please
Run your fingers thru' my hair
My my my whisky & Dry, don't it make you feel so fine?
Right or wrong, don't it turn you on
Can't you see we're wastin' time?

Portrayal Of Obama As Snob Hailed As Step Forward For Blacks
Trenchant and sad, like all the best 'Onion' pieces.

McCain-Obama Dance-Off
Just really well edited. And who doesn't like dancing!

Governor Sarah Palin Vlog #2
Increasingly surreal and madcap, comedian Sara Benincasa's impersonation of Palin (as well as Diana Saez as the trusty sidekick) can ramble at times, but when she's on, she's On.

McCain Gets Rickrolled By Obama
Um, John McCain gets Rickroll'd by Barack Obama. That's about it.

Hollywood Director Attack Ads
The first two aren't great, but the third one is sorta funny! [via Videogum]

Crazy Tracy
This is parody, yes? [via Guanabee]

This song is about fucking:

This isn't so much inappropriate as much it is astoundingly weird:

"And, according to the New York Times, he was a domestic terrorist and part of a group that, quote, 'launched a campaign of bombings that would target the Pentagon and our U.S. Capitol,'" [Palin] continued.

"Boooo!" the crowd repeated.

"Kill him!" proposed one man in the audience.

Obama has long taken lumps for the antics of his most overexuberant supporters, whether it's the video producers who made a creepy video of kids singing an Obama song or an overly deferential press corps that became the butt of a joke on Saturday Night Live. McCain now has a far more dicey problem on his hands. He and Palin are putting themselves on camera with downright lunatics, which is not only scary but would, uh, tend to undermine their point that Barack Obama maybe chatted with an ex-lunatic at some board meetings a few years ago.

This is why you launch these sorts of things anonymously, by direct mail and anonymous phone call, a week before the election. You don't notify the press a full month in advance and have the candidate deliver the message, personally, on camera. Unless maybe people are already mailing in their absentee ballots and you're really desperate and out of ideas. Hmm.

And then she said Joe Biden's wife would be rewarded in heaven because she's a teacher. That would be Biden's second wife, after his first wife and year-old daughter were killed in a horrific car accident and are, in fact, now in heaven. Whoops.

Biden, meanwhile, landed some hard punches. But the key is that he didn't blow things for Obama by screwing up horridly, nor did Palin for McCain. Neither upended the race in either direction. Palin will now likely be kept sequestered from the mainstream media for the rest of the election, except perhaps under very controlled circumstances. And no one will pay much attention to Biden. Which means we can all go back to ignoring the running mates again, as God intended.

Winking graphic from Blogging Via Typewriter!

UPDATE: Some people are having trouble watching the video above. Here's the same video hosted on YouTube:

UPDATE: Cajun Boy points out Palin was a journalism major. HA.

The thought that an actual Obama supporter would round up a few dozen kids in the name of producing such nauseating vacuous reverse propaganda is too depressing, so let's just assume this is the diabolical work of some NRA-funded 527. But if it is not, it's a powerful statement as to the thing that has been so disappointing about this campaign: if Obama doesn't seem to be trying hard enough to seize the moment, make sense of the recent history that precipitated this particular economic situation and articulate a vision for the nation's future that actually changes minds — this may seem unnecessary for the purpose of winning, but as we just learned it's absolutely necessary for the purpose of getting anything done in Washington — it's because he doesn't have to. People want to believe he will save us from all that ails us because they are so stupid they lack even the faintest notion of what it means to be able to speak and vote and freely upload their inane videos to YouTube. And yeah, sure, screw those people; let them find jobs on some PetroChina rig in the Sudan, what do I care.

*Because it is sort of overpowered by the logic of "CNBC cannot tell everyone to put their money in Yen because the Bank Of Japan is not going to buy all their advertising slots duh." Actually, if they did tell their viewers to put all their money in Yen the Bank Of Japan might pay them just to stop, but that is a whole nother story.

It's former Hewlett Packard CEO and McCain adviser Carly Fiorina — yes, it is much more credible if a woman lobs such charges! — saying Tina Fey's SNL skit poking fun at the GOP's overuse of the "sexist" charge to score points with women was…no really, sexist. The full text is here! Enjoy it here, because this is the last time we will be paying attention to this meme. Did you hear how the financial system was on fire, guys? In fact, why didn't someone think to ask Carly Fiorina about that? Typical sexist media.

*Seriously I have never seen so many women with brown hair on Fox News in my life. They even formed their own group, the Party Unity My Ass-es or PUMAs, because Barack Obama called that girl "sweetie" and John McCain uses empowering terms to address females such as "cunt."

And this morning it was worth watching the money network for rare footage of the laissez fairest of all making such uncharacteristic proclamations as: financial stocks shouldn't trade higher than six or seven times earnings, Alan Greenspan was a fuckup, no one has any clue what the hell is going to happen and the whole thing was the inevitable result of a trillion ton stockpile of hubris. Rare real (and real tired) talk from Bush's old plutocrat tax slasher Larry Lindsey, former Salomon Brothers chief and Liar's Poker excessophile John Gutfreund and market-friendly finance journalists like CNBC's David Faber and the Times's Andrew Ross Sorkin when you click the video.

Oh also some people wanted to blame CNBC for Bear Stearns' implosion but it is clear from their coverage today that CNBC would never do such a thing on purpose.

Here's a good awkward Fox & Friends bit:

And stupid strict constructionist Republicans: how do they not have a comeback for this one? Has John McCain never spoken to a black person? Because that will actually have to change! Anyway, Barbara Walters saves it by imagining herself as some sort of latter-day Harriet Tubman.

And just for Mr. Dismal here is the speech in its (admittedly more contradictory!) entirety.