Louis Bantle, the former marketing director and chairman of U.S. Tobacco, died earlier this month at the age of 81 from emphysema and lung cancer. Bantle was most famous for convincing millions of teenagers to dip.
The Way We Live Now: with our head held high. And our shoulders square. And our skin burnished with expensive tanning solutions. You can steal a hundred million and pay back less than seventy. That's how wealth is created!
Hiram Monserrate lost his state senate seat after slashing his girlfriend's face with broken glass. Yesterday, Monserrate's former chief of staff was arrested for being a childish jerk. Everything Monserrate touches turns to shit. Now, you can legally punch him.
Disgraced former NYPD commissioner Bernie Kerik is about to be sentenced. Prosecutors are asking for a stiff penalty, since he "became a wealthy man by shamelessly exploiting the most horrific civilian tragedy in this nation's history." So...Giuliani's next? [NYT]
When John Travolta isn't converting Haitians to Scientology, he moonlights as an actor. In his latest movie (out today), he's playing the token "badass" again. He's usually not a very good badass, but he's always an awful villain. Proof inside.
Oswald Gruebel (villainous name), Josef Ackermann (also scary) and... Brian Moynihan (Queens cop), the heads of UBS, Deutsche Bank and Bank of America had a shadowy meeting at the world economic forum. They discussed how to "reassert their influence with regulators and governments." Also known as taking over the…
Former Lehman Bros. CEO "Dick" Fuld, the Big Villain of All Financial Villains—what's he up to these days? A Reuters reporter trailed him to his remote Idaho hideaway to find out!
Bernie Madoff's only remaining purpose in life is to be exploited by the media. Who will land the first jailhouse TV interview with the villain? We handicap the possibilities, below.
US Marshals came to evict Ruth Madoff from her fancy apartment today but guess what, she has moved to an undisclosed location. She's gone Cheney! If she's following our advice she's already in Botswana, shoveling poop. [NYP. Pic: Getty]
Why must Martha Stewart make a mockery of the US diabetes crisis? Our nemesis has written a new book about, you guessed it, cupcakes. Even worse, her henchpeople have emailed, to us, horrifying photographs of the bizarre comestibles Martha's treatise has inspired. This, America, is why you're fat:
The blow-dried, plastic smile-bearing Fox 5 reporter asks Jared Crystal what happened. Jared, the very cultural opposite of the reporter in his ponytail and "Republicans For Voldemort" T-shirt, explains that he was simply sitting in his car, reading 1984—an ordinary night—when a tree limb came crashing down! A scary…
Irascible late night fixture David Letterman can breathe a little more easily tonight—well, as easily as someone who just accidentally broke his nose playing with his three-year-old son can be expected to—as Montana officials have announced the capture of the escaped convict who once plotted to kidnap the very same…
