• Lindsay Lohan's new clothing line, that she walked down the catwalk in Paris for fashion week, did not go over well with the French. But really: what does? Also, those lips, my god. Are you in there, LiLo? It's me, Margret. Anyway, the clothing looks pretty meh and I'm not impressed, but then again my sense of style extends to "jeans, shirt, whatever, J. Crew" so, you know, there's that. But really: fugly. Meh meh meh. That should've called this line Donatella Mehrsaci. Georgia Mehrmani. The United Colors of Mehnetton. Abercrombie and Meh. Forever Meh. Mehniqlo. TopMeh. Mehccia Prada. Meh Sport. Tommy Mehfinger. Etc. [Just Jared]
  
  
• Beyonce Knowles' dad, Matthew, supposedly knocked up some woman, argues Bucky Turco at ANIMALNY. She's the mother of Tone Loc's son, she's filing a paternity suit against him, and she's a former Seattle Seahawks dancer. All the single Knowles? All the single Knowles. [ANIMAL NY]
  
  
• Padma isn't saying who her baby's daddeh is. Page Six thinks it's the 69 year-old sleezer geezer running IMG. I hope it's Toby Young. [Page Six]
  
  
• Bill O'Reilly doesn't think you should beg if you're caught by enemies in a war zone. In other news, Page Six is running Bill O'Reilly's hostage negotiation tips? Great. Here's a good way to be released by your captors in a war zone: be Bill O'Reilly. Also see: The Ransom of Red Chief. [Page Six]
  
  
• Vincent Gallo, director of The Brown Bunny (who also starred as the film's lead in the trailblazing role of Guy Who Doesn't Talk For Two Hours Only To Get His Dong Sucked By Chloe Sevigny On Camera; the Oscars sadly overlooked it), has phone problems. He had a New York number, he got an LA number, and the guy who took his New York number is still pretending to be him. He's being creepy when girls call and when he was recently invited to a VICE screening of Where The Wild Things Are (which sounds like the best night of paint-huffing children's movie watching ev-ar) fake creepy Vincent Gallo asked the girl who invited "him" for a picture. This could actually be a set up for Gallo's next film, which I would go see. Gallo could play the role of Guy Who Walks Around New York Until He Finds Guy With His Phone Number And Punches Him In The Face (And Then Bones His Girlfriend, Because He's Vincent Fucking Gallo). In other news, maybe you've seen those advertisements we're running for Chelsea on the Rocks, yeah? Well, THIS IS NOT A SPONSORED POST, and also, I haven't seen the movie and have no idea if it's any good or not, but I was working on an interview with Abel Ferrara last year. Ferrara's insane. But this was great:

  I don't like Vincent Gallo.

  A lot of people say that.
  No, but I know him. You know? ‘Cause I introduced him to [my girlfriend, Shannon], and he asked her to marry him after a day. But she didn't bother telling me.

  So he's disrespectful?
  You know, he's a punk, man. He's just a punk. What'd he do? Hit this reporter the other day? I heard he like slammed this chick, right?

  He does it a lot.
  This kid's not right. Right? Right? Because he said that she didn't like his leather jacket. Smashed some chick in the face! [Editor's Note: Vincent Gallo did not actually, physically attack anyone.] You know what I'm saying? But I mean, you know, what can I say about the kid? I don't wanna talk about him.

  Say what you will about Abel Ferrara or Vincent Gallo, but they're both awesome New York characters. I wish this rivalry got hot and we could have some kind of charity thing where Ferrara gets to beat Vincent Gallo with a nightstick for two minutes. And then Ferrara goes over a dunk tank, and Vincent Gallo has to throw wadded up tissues at the target. That is all. [Page Six]
  
  

• Rush and Molloy, the husband and wife Boris and Natasha-esque gossip team, focus their Moose and Squirrel lens today on Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem, who they say are engaged. This is what they lead with. They're engaged. We all know she's preggers with her kid and they've been together for a while, so this isn't a surprise or really any kind of lead item. Rush and Molloy, I H8U, you're like the Family Circus of gossip pages. You suck this week. [NYDN]
  
  
• Heh. Barry Diller got dissed by Larry Page for Page's Blackberry. I think Page was just being coy and Diller was playing hard to get. But that's how I read into it. Also, Google sux. Heh. [Page Six]
  
  
• Does Liza Minelli get emotional and have to stop a medley written for Judy Garland at every performance? Isn't that part of her Itzhak Perlman-like shtick? Sorry Gays, I know she's Vishnu to you, but seriously? Come on. [Page Six]
  
  
• You know whenever a Page Six item begins with the words "Hedge-fund wife," it's going to be spectacular. And this was great: Lisa Falcone—a hedge-fund wife—donated $10M to the High Line without her husband's input. That's $10M for a "park" that's 30 feet above the ground and, I mean, listen: I don't know how to explain the High Line to anyone who doesn't live in New York, suffice to say it's one of those ridiculous New York things we enjoy (like waiting in Madison Square Park an hour for a burger, yes: a burger) that makes us all categorically insane. It's a park built on an abandoned elevated rail track. And $10M is a lot of money for it not to have people movers, or something. Anyway: this hedge-fund wife offered up the ten large without her husband knowing. And this was the quote: "My husband was a little unhappy because I made such a quick decision, and he said I should carefully consider the charity before writing a check." Well, yes. Because you gave $10M to something with the cultural significance of Shake Shack. Also, I—like so many other young, hardworking Murray Hill* residents—want to one day grow up to be a hedge-fund wife. Someone help me do this. [Page Six] *I do not actually live in Murray Hill.
  
  
• Ruth Madoff didn't know about Bernie's affair until the NYDN reported it, reports the NYDN. She went to prison to visit him and he still denied it. This is sad. [NYDN]
  
  
• Apparently, Michael Jackson's kids are doing well in their grandmother's care. As long as she keeps Joe Jackson away, they'll continue to do so. [NYDN]

And to celebrate the first nice piece of Michael Jackson news in months, 'bout we start this day off with a little jam, no? Happy Sunday!

In a Decider.com column, Gawker friend Max Silvestri relays a bit of a story involving Gallo:

My drinking partner knew an employee [at a bar called The Rabbithole], whom we'll call Diego, and after serving us some french fries (which are great, owing in large part to the fact that they were french fries), Diego somehow quickly segued into a story about how one time he was allegedly hanging out with a coked-up Johnny Knoxville and a coked-up Vincent Gallo (this story was clearly already taking the bullet train straight to Integritytown). Gallo tried to hit on Diego's girlfriend (model, obviously), so Diego shoved him.

Silvestri, you see, was using a sophisticated "sarcasm" technique to deride this "Diego's" story as untrustworthy, as is abundantly clear if you read the column. Now, the column has this note appended:

(Editor's note: After this column first ran, Vincent Gallo called The A.V. Club to make it known that he does not do cocaine and thus would not, in fact, have been "coked up.")

Fine, fine. Just stop acting so cokey.

Agency Spy broke this important news of the Republican prostitute shilling for the discount retailers. And what do you know?:

Ha. Hahahaha. Please, please let this be authentic. It is, at the very least, someone who has studied Vincent's particular brand of discourse quite closely. And remember, from his most recent public offering of his own company:

Heavy set, older, red heads and even black chicks can have me if they can pay the bill. No real female will be refused. However, I highly frown upon any male having even the slightest momentary thought or wish that they could ever become my client. No way Jose.

So there. [Agency Spy; Vincent, email us to confirm or deny!]

[via Blackbook]

The backstory: our downtown scene tipster, Molly Friedman, reported that the scruffy Republican had made comments asserting how "hot" he found Sarah Palin's teenage daughters. Gallo responded with a long screed denouncing Friedman as an "ugly cunt whore," which is wholly inaccurate. He also mentioned that a New York Magazine reporter had recorded the interview, and that he would gladly shove said microphone up our ass. Well, New York played the tape on their website and it looks like Gallo said nothing untoward during the time he was being recorded. But you're still going to hell for calling Hillary Clinton a "pig" during that same recording, Vince! [Intel]

A delightful excerpt:

"The eavesdropping cunt Molly Friedman and her ugly, primitive mind invented her own view of my conversation. I was polite, casual, and spoke about how nice the Palin family unit was. I said the youngest daughter was so cute holding her baby brother. I was not and would never suggest I was sexually attracted to the Palin family daughters and I resent the whore Molly Friedman and Gawker for creating that spin. Let me remind the Gawker creeps that sex with minors is illegal and suggesting in any way that I am open for that is against the law, ugly, useless, rude, and small minded. The girl from New York Magazine has a tape of the entire conversation and I will shove it up Gawker's ass if they do not retract Molly's dishonest and ugly inventions. Fuck Gawker, fuck that ugly cunt Molly Friedman, and fuck all who have chimed in with their judgments, hate, resentments, and jealousy. I suggest you all read books, stay off the net, put down the chips and dips, and get in touch with what has made you so unhappy. For the record Molly, I will make you wish you were never born, you fucking cunt.

Regards,
Vincent Gallo

He also tattled to New York, this time incorporating the word "slut."

Oh, honey (and yes, we do know that it's him.) We loved you in Buffalo 66—now look what you've gone and done. We look forward to that tape recorder from New York Magazine being "shove[d] up [our] ass."

Via Molly:

"Ever seen the younger one? Yeah, they're the best looking family I've ever seen," said Gallo. He said something about guns, so I asked, are you are you a Republican? He said "Yes." I said, "Why?" He said, "Why not?" I said, "I asked you first."


He said, "Look, have you seen that Palin family? She is so hot. And her daughters are so hot." I said, "Which one, the pregnant one [Bristol, 17] or the younger one [Willow, 14]?" He said, "Both of them. They're the hottest family I've ever seen." I said, "So are you a pedophile?" And he said, "I've been called worse things."

The GOP must be thrilled to have him on their side.

My creepy questions I never really planned on asking her are staring me in the face. Ricci looks at my notepad, and sees this lad-mag question: "If you're with a guy, how many times a day?" I'm mortified for even writing it down.

"Oh," she says dismissively. "All men think that women who don't drink are obsessed with sex. It's a male fantasy. If you don't drink, then you must be a sex addict. Like I haven't heard that one before."

"Harmlessly predictable," she continues, noticing I've turned a shade of red even more crimson than usual. "Not predictable," she corrects politely, "but a harmlessly stereotypical belief."

Just don't stand up and run out, I beg her.

"I won't yet," she says.

And she doesn't.

Bonus—Ricci on Vincent Gallo: "He's crazy, and he's an asshole. He's not... nice."

Either French actor (and former Kylie paramour) Oliver Martinez is attempting to recreate his favorite scene from the film Gummo or he's just creeping everybody out with his ability to ride a bike without using the handles (all the while doing a very good Vincent Gallo impression).

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

TheHonJudgeSmails' new line beats out the original, "I Have Claimed This Many Souls Today"

In it, Gallo runs around like a party ape and defaces a painting with a crude smiley face before making out with a girl underneath a grand piano. Richardson, beflanneled of course, grins goofily at the camera and takes a picture of it.

Ostensibly, the ad is meant to position Belvedere as the downtown drink of choice and other brands, such as Grey Goose, as the stuffy uptown beverage. But! What it really gets at is how both Gallo and Richardson have become silly parodies of themselves. Gallo, who fancies himself an artist, takes a Sharpie and defaces an admittedly mediocre painting with a scrawl and stands back as if he's created something truly trenchant. It's almost as self-indulgent as when he concocted a whole movie around Chloe Sevigny giving him head. Richardson, on the other hand, is shown so hellbent on documenting his own fame that he can only train his lens on a lens trained at him. Whatever. It makes me want to have a drink but definitely not Belvedere.

Belvedere Vodka Gets Down and Dirty in Ads [AdAge]

In today's episode: Will Ferrell; Prince; Vincent Gallo; Edward Norton; Alan Arkin; Greg Germann; Kristin Kreuk and Mark Hildreth; Johnny Weir; Bryan Greenberg, Paul Johansson, Geoff Stults, Evan Jones, Stacy Keibler and Olivia Munn.

· Exiting the Sherman Oaks Galleria last night (Wednesday, 5/30) my friend and I saw a bit of a commotion by the exit. Several joyous faces were focused on one guy who was wearing a baseball hat and sporting a fro/full beard combo. I quickly realized it was Will Ferrell and stopped to watch. He was chatting up the group that gathered and as he tried to escape someone stuck out their hand for him to shake and I saw up close and personal the slightly annoyed look on Will's face as he accommodated what was probably his millionth handshake of the evening. Then we followed him down the escalator several floors where he remained unnoticed and watched as he entered the valet parking area.

· Two sightings from the same day (5-30)...

Waiting at a corner on Melrose for the light to change when a big black SUV pulls up with the window down. In the passenger seat, motherfucking Prince looking great of course. Don't know what he is using on his skin but he practically glows. Nice to see he is not too cool to sit in the front.

Hanging around Franklin at night near La Poubelle when up strolls a very hairy Vincent Gallo, also looking good but in a different way. He met up with some friends sitting on the patio.

· Spotted Edward Norton chattin' it up in Raffles L'Ermitage bar in BH, looking dapper in a black suit and blue collared shirt. (night of 05/22/07)

· 5/30 7pm - Walked into Bangkok Cafe on Pico and who's one table over but ALAN ARKIN! He was sitting with an age-appropriate woman who I assume was his wife and a few other people. He was just normal and cool and probably now my favorite celebrity sighting.

· 5-30 Greg Germann at Whole Foods in Brentwood with a baseball cap on and salt and pepper hair that was heavy on the salt. He said his show wasnt coming back but he was sweet and funny about it. Nice silver Audi.

· Dinner with dad last night at BLD (his choice—he's still hep at 83). An actress type of the luminescent golden skin and eyes like deep pools variety was at the next table, obviously breaking it off with a ginger (that's what we call redheads in the U.K.) cool dork guy. He ate (appetite clearly diminished by the events at hand). She didn't. Nothing. Not a bite. Through my detective skills I was able to discern from her credit card slip that she was one Kristin Kreuk. Through my Google skills I was able to figure out that she has major roles in Smallville (thus, soon to be ex-boyfriend's Clark Kent style specs?) and some other pathetic WBish show that I can't remember now and can't be bothered to Google again. The guy seemed to be one Mark Hildreth, with a prodigious IMDB listing that stretches back to 1985. He's in the new 'Pirates' but don't get excited as before that it was 'Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus 3-D' Anyway, Dad thought the guy was sleeping at the table, but I'm pretty sure he was just experiencing the crushing blow of reality and future life without the luscious Kristin. They stayed for a long low volume exchange after paying the bill, she discreetly wiped away tears that didn't actually seem to exist (nice touch, fuckin' actresses!). Then they left.

· Better late than never: Memorial Day Weekend (Sunday) around midnight saw not-quite-out figure skater Johnny Weir chilling with a bevy of beautiful (female) blondes at Micky's in WeHo. Did not see him tip any of the Go Go Boys.

· Thursday, 5/31 at the Bryan Greenberg show at The Mint, an incredible list of B (C?) listers: "One Tree Hill" co-star Paul Johansson (looks younger in person, might be due to the fact that he acts and dresses like a 21 year old), "October Road" co-stars Geoff Stults (looks older in person, but still incredibly attractive) and Evan Jones (did Steve Zahn and Flea have some sort of crack/love baby?), Stacy Keibler (she was tall? And, um, blond?), and "Attack of the Show" hostess Olivia Munn (looking bloated and uncomfortable, no rhythm on that girl). BG was good but too skinny.

• MSNBC cancels their Imus-cast. May we tackily say: Told ya! [TV Newser]
  
• Girls Gone Wild impresario Joe Francis has been charged with tax evasion. [LAT]
  
• Speaking of tax evasion, Marc Anthony (aka Mr. Jennifer Lopez) owes $2.5 million in back taxes to New York State and City. Must have been an oversight. [TMZ]
  
• If your apartment building is falling down, New York City might make the repairs on its own and bill your landlord. Sounds like a recipe for disaster. [Empire Zone]
  
• New Times Square "entertainment venue/restaurant/lounge" is looking for professional bloggers to create buzz about them. Sounds shill-tastic. [Eater]
  
• Where is Vincent Gallo? Anyway, it's his birthday! Yay!

Ernest & Julio Gallo's Black Haba ero Review [UCB]