It's not just this latest "PUNCH IN 'FACE BOOK,'" as the Post eloquently puts it. The media has been warning us of internet dangers forever!

• Myspace: Log on and have your children raped.
• Facebook is filling up with creepy old people (who are probably rapists).
• Also Facebook will ruin your engagement.
• Flickr: A place where baby rapists look at pictures of your babies and masturbate to them.
• The government uses bloggers to hide its role in the Kennedy assassination.
• Nasty internet comments in England could cost you eleventy billion dollars.
• And dangerous hackers are hacking your email and looking for pictures of your children, which is why we should all be thrown in jail.

"The BBFC should realize there are scenes of gratuitous violence in 'The Dark Knight' to which I would certainly not take my 11-year-old daughter," Vaz said of the movie's 12A certificate, which means it is suitable for those age 12 and above. "It should be a 15 classification."

The board has acknowledged it came close to restricting the movie to those 15 and older. It also details the film's violent nature on its Web site.

The Times notes "Knight" received a PG-13 rating, while in Ireland and Scandinavia it was given a 15 rating in order to keep those 14 years and younger from seeing it without supervision. [UPI]

What is KNIFE CRIME? It's England's version of our regular crime. Except with scary scary knives instead of boring, conventional guns. And it's a menace that's shaking the very foundations of British society! No Briton can walk down their funny, twisty streets without being HACKED or SLASHED or STABBED these days! Mostly stabbed!

NO PART OF BRITAIN IS SAFE FROM THE BLADE MENACE.

Ministers and police search in vain for solutions! Perhaps knives should be outlawed! But then, as we in America know, only outlaws would have knives. And the outlaws will have extra-scary knives. Like the dreaded WASP KNIFE, a "deadly new knife with exploding tip that freezes victims' organs." Holy shit!

Labour MP for Perry Barr in Birmingham, Khalid Mahmood, said: "Weapons like this are absolutely disgraceful and there is no reason at all why people should be walking around the streets with them.

"There should be high-profile operations and high-profile arrests against anybody caught with them. The way to tackle the wider issue of knife crime is with effective community policing, which the West Midlands force does very well.

"The Met could pick up on the lessons from West Midlands Police in its excellent community work in places like Handsworth, Aston and Lozells."

There does not yet seem to be any evidence that anyone in Britain even has one of these American-made knives. But, you know, PANIC.

I wanted to contact you today and see if Gawker would be able to run a story about a hate crime that occurred early Wednesday morning at the trendy NYC nightclub 1 Oak which is owned by Richie Akiva and Scott Sartiano (dated Ashley Olsen, and Jamie Lynn Siegler) -

Early Wednesday morning (June 18th, 2008) at approximately 2:30AM - two individuals were attacked by a man inside 1 OAK. and were called "faggots" - victim number 1 had to be rushed to the hospital due to massive blood loss. Victim number 2 had no visible wounds at the time.

Victim number 1's friend wanted to call 911, however the two owners of the nightclub, Sartiano and Akiva, told the friend NOT TO. 911 was called regardless. The club owners then wanted to rush the victim into a car when they knew the ambulance was coming. A minute goes by and the attacker was able to walk right out of the club, without security questioning or anyone's interference, even after the victim's friend screamed out "that's the guy!"

The attacker turns out to be someone that frequents the club often and knew the doorman and the staff, since he was able to walk right into the club and said hello to the doorman in the beginning of the night. When questioned, the owners claimed to not know who the attacker was, and provided no information.

Victim number 1 ended up with 5 stitches, a broken nose, busted upper and lower lips, and lacerations around the face. Victim number 2 suffered from acute migraines due to an attack to the back of the head. A police report was filed the next day. However the club owners did not seem concerned, and did not supply the name of the attacker and did not phone the victim to follow up on the progress or the status.

The owners of the club did not seem to care for what happened within their club, and only was concerned that the police was not informed and no press comes out of this, they wanted to retain their public image.

From 1 Oak's PR firm, Shadow PR:

Unfortunately, the situation that occurred at 1OAK was out of the establishment's control. 1OAK is cooperating fully with the necessary parties and hope the matter is resolved immediately. This inappropriate behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated.

[Interior pic via Men.Style.com]

In 1998 Campbell rapped her assistant Georgina Galanis about the face and neck with a phone in a Toronto hotel and also threatened to throw her out of a moving car. Miss Naomi plead guilty in 2000 and had the matter expunged from her record because she gave the lady some money and seemed sorry. Oh and she took anger management classes that did her a lot of good.
In 2005 the crazy lady's then-assistant Amanda Brack accused Campbell of assaulting her with a BlackBerry mobile phone. Sounds familiar!
Also in 2005, she beat up her longtime friend, actress Yvonne Scio, because she was wearing too similar a dress to the one worn by Campbell. "She punched me in the face. She was like Mike Tyson," Scio said of the incident.
In 2006 she was arrested for wreaking havoc on a boat.
Again in 2006 she was nabbed for whacking her housekeeper with a bedazzled cellphone. Campbell suspected the housekeeper of stealing her pants. Shortly after, another housekeeper came forward, calling her a violent bigot. Campbell eventually had to do community service in New York City for the rhinestone nights fashion assault, and showed up every day dressed to the nines.

She loves those phones. Next she should just wallop someone with the ghost of Alexander Graham Bell. Oh! I almost forgot! Could this be the source of all her anger?

"Constant Criticism"

"Lots of Yelling"

"You're Not Invited to Lunch or Meetings"

"You Always Need Mental Health Days"

"Sabotage"

Stop the war!

Long Island-native Lane has been an impressive train-wreck for a while now, dating back primarily to Spring of this year, when she sent hot bikini photos to NFL Network anchor Rich Eisen. The photos were intercepted by Eisen's wife Suzy Shuster, whose sarcastic response was promptly forwarded to and published by Page Six.

The Post continued to own the HOT LADY ANCHOR story, claiming she "canoodled" with Monaco's Prince Albert and publishing creepy photos of Lane walking dogs and leaving a condo with Channel 2 anchor Chris Wragge, who was married to, but separated from Victoria Silvstedt. That relationship is apparently done, as Lane's cop-punching adventure happened with current beau Chris "Booger" Booker.

The cop says they identified themselves as cops when Lane yelled at them to hurry it up, and that Lane then began taking pictures and getting all up in their business. Lane claims not to have been told they were cops, and claims they "violently grabbed her camera to prevent her from taking pictures of the altercation they were involved in." Then Lane broke the lady cops nose. And it all went down the night of her station's Christmas party!

As soon as the teary eyed mugshot makes it up on The Smoking Gun, we'll let you know.

Breakdown In the Fast Lane [NYP]

Like who's this abusive old coot? (Important hint: apparently not Scott Rudin.)

For six weeks, I worked for the worst man on the fac of the planet. He was CEO, President and Treasurer of a major company (I won't say which industry). After my second day on the job, I started looking for a new one. Here's why. The man thought nothing of cursing at everyone with a battery of four-letter words. Apparently his own child had a restraining order against him, and he frequently threw objects at his employees heads. On several occasions, said objects connected. He didn't care about being sued...just paid and kept on abusing his staff.

When I was made an offer by another firm, I called HR to tell them I was leaving at the end of the week. The old buzzard was away on a trip and wouldn't return until the following Monday. The HR rep called me back later (I guess she called him) to ask if I could please stay an extra couple of weeks. I told her that under no circumstances would I remain in a position where I was expected to accept daily verbal (and future physical) abuse from an old coot who was in serious need of psychiatric intervention. Upon witnessing my courage, four young women finally got up the gumption to walk out the door with me. Had we not left, one of us would certainly have delivered a fatal blow to his head!

I once worked for a top real estate broker in Manhattan. She was indeed PUGnacious, loud, and brash. We worked very long hours, moved multiple transactions daily, and were constantly at odds - often yelling and to the point of back-thumping. After I moved on, it took about 2 years for this experience of high, high energy and yelling to soften.

Kidding! It could be any broker, they're almost all shouty evil scum.

The Fraught World of the Personal Assistant [City Room]

I was shopping yesterday Park Slope on 5th Avenue and almost every clothing store was out of candy at 6pm!! How is it possible for stores to sell sweaters for $400 and spend so little on candy for local kids on Halloween? I specifically remember Diane Kane had none, and the store owner two doors down from Diane Kane was complaining that she spent $25 on candy and it was all gone at 6pm. $25 is nothing! Ironically, Beacon's Closet had someone in front of the store giving away TONS of candy.

does anyone happen to know why several dozen police officers and at least two ambulances — all with sirens blaring — converged on 5th avenue between president and carroll st. at around 8.30pm halloween night?

i overheard someone in the crowd saying that two men were fighting, the cops tried to break it up, and one of the men started fighting with the cops. but i came upon the scene about 60 seconds too late to figure it out for myself.

Halloween Night Disturbance: 5th Ave and President [Park Slope Forum]

The proposal:

Concept:

This book will focus on the controversy that has been surrounding me since the publication of my article "Why I Hate Blacks". It will also lead into the subject of anti-Asian discrimination and how Asians can fight back. Parts of the book will describe why the very concept of democracy is impossible and why religion is a poison that ultimately leads to persecution of all people, not just Asians.

This will not just be a boring book outlining only the history of discrimination. It will be an honest account of Asian perspective bereft of politically correct garbage. It will include both historical evidence (such as Vincent Chin, Chai Vang and Japanese internment) and anecdotal evidence (such as my experiences with extreme discrimination at NYU, which I have documents to validate). It will also include scientific theories showing why Asians are hated.

Outline:

Prologue - This will explain to the reader how a number of my controversial articles were published in AsianWeek and mention how my article "Why I Hate Blacks" ended up on the front page of the San Francisco Chronicle and many other major newspapers.

Chapter 1, Why I Hate America - This will describe why it is immature to believe that America is and ever was a free country. After briefly going over the history of anti-Asianism, I will prove, using evolutionary theory, that democracy is impossible for the human species.

Chapter 2, Why I Hate Whites - This will be a 30-page doctrine of documented evidence and a few anecdotes that delineates why white people, to put it bluntly, suck. Reasons include the fact that they are obsessed with conformity, their women are sluts, they are physically smaller than Asians, and they take abuse very easily. It will include anecdotes about my fistfights with white students at NYU.

Chapter 3, Why I Hate Italians - This will be another 30-page section in which I show why Italians are enemies of the Asian race. Reasons include Sofia Coppola, Quentin Tarantino, Jon Favreau, Jay Leno, and a number of other "big name celebrities". It will also describe why Italians are an inferior race despite their technological achievements, and include personal recollections about my encounters with Italians (I did grow up in an Italian neighborhood).

Chapter 4, Why I Hate Blacks 2 - This will be a continuation of my article published in AsianWeek. It will further point out the flaws of the black race, including their need to excessively reproduce, their immaturity, their inability to govern, their obsession with conformity and their lack of scientific achievement. It will also describe the many fistfights I have had with blacks during this past year.

Chapter 5, Why I Hate Religion - This section will explain how religion has been a negative impact on Asians and on humanity in general. It will show that Asians are superior in that we have the highest rate of atheism on Earth. In addition to demonstrating why creationism is a ridiculously stupid relic of human complicity, it will include anecdotes of my experiences with religious acolytes.

Chapter 6, Why I Hate The Media - This section will be a rundown of virtually all of the Asians stereotypes that have been in the media lately. Examples are drawn from the shows Lost, 24, Prison Break, Desperate Housewives, The Winner, Heroes, and a few recent movies. It will also describe in detail my experience with discrimination as an extra on the set of Spider-Man 3.

Chapter 7, Why I Hate Asians And Yes I Am Being Sarcastic - As the title of this chapter implies, I do not really hate Asians. Nonetheless, this chapter will point out the silliness of civil protest and why whites, blacks and Italians should not be treated with any kindness. It will include anecdotes of my attempts to use peaceful protest in NYU.

Epilogue - This will summarize the fact that I am not a sexist, homophobic lunatic. It will also be a preemptive strike against expected criticisms.

Marketability:

1. To my knowledge, there is only one existing book about anti-Asian discrimination. This book will be the second, and believe me, it will be more extreme than its predecessor.
2. You may be thinking this is too controversial and will turn off all white and black audience members. Here are a few words to remember - CHINA. 1 BILLION PEOPLE. 60% ATHEIST.
3. My articles received a great amount of publicity in California. I was recently live on FOX News with John Gibson and I have had a number of radio interviews.
4. I am already a published science fiction novelist with three books in print - Dragons: Lexicon Triumvirate, The 0th Dimension and Reincarnation. I have a small fanbase.
5. Bill Maher and Ann Coulter are very hated. That does not stop them from being bestselling authors.

The resume:
KENNETH C. ENG, Novelist

EDUCATION:
New York University, Tisch School of the Arts
BFA Film and Television Production, June 2005
GPA - 3.28

EXPERIENCE:
Published Novelist, June 2004-present

You hear that, bitches? COMPLETED SCREENPLAYS. It's a shame this dude is behind bars.

A wise old man once told us that "Two Kenneth Eng posts in one day is the same as three Julia Allison posts: Two too many." That's probably true, but we don't really give a shit about what we're putting up here anymore today (Hey Servers, Suck my weeeeeeeinieeeee! Suck it!), so here we are.

Knives out for D&G [Guardian]

Anti-U.S. Attack Videos Spread on the Internet [NYT]